I confess I haven’t been in a good headspace recently. A pall of gloom sat permanently over my head. I wrote this off as a long Covid gift.
Anger at known and unknown factors and irritability were my constant companions as I battled my daily drivel running against the clock donning multiple hats.
Poor resident husband bore the brunt of my frustrations as he stoically tried to wade through making sense of my repeated rants.
The first wake-up call from this mess came via a call with a dear friend, whom we trouble at the drop of a hat (you know who you are!! Bless you!)
I was my first priority and looking after my health was paramount
And the second wake-up call was at a live session I did recently.
As they introduced me, I saw my lit-journey through the eyes of an outsider and I realised there is so much to celebrate at what I have achieved so far instead of beating myself blue at how far I have fallen in comparison to so many fabulous achievers.
I forgot to enjoy the beautiful journey instead got busy trying to ace the race
I lost track of the singular factor, that every individual’s flight is different with his/her own demons to slay
The second factor for my stress was I stopped writing satire and funny.
The one characteristic of satire is someone will be spoofed and called out or made fun of! That is the name of the game. After all, how long can you take potshots at the ruling regime without worrying about your safety?
Plus the events around that are unspooling at an astronomical rate are triggering enough. Nothing is what seems at face value. There are stories within stories embedded deep within. An agenda is permanent.
No matter which side your innate reasoning takes you, you end up getting hurt because there are silos of acceptable thought processes and the pressure to conform to these woke templates is immense. If one dithers or moves away from the expected line of thinking the backlash is almost vitriolic. You are castigated, vilified and trolled.
But fault lines of class, creed, caste have now run deep. That’s an assailable fact.
True, the fear of jumping-at-me-SJWs shouldn’t stop me from penning my piece. I should sport a far thicker skin.
I have to learn to cull sense out of the chaos around me.
I have to be competitive yet be aware of my limitations
I need to enjoy the journey while I plot the path ahead
I have to ‘Go with the flow’
Creative pursuit no doubt, in the end, is business but the inbuilt commercial riders shouldn’t stop one from enjoying the due process of fashioning something beautiful.
So I sincerely hope to pause, smell the coffee and have fun along the way
And hope to write.
Because words are I have, to make your heart mine!
Anupama Jain is the author of ‘Kings Saviours & Scoundrels -Timeless Tales from Katha Sarita Sagara’. These are Eternal Tales of India, Retold for the world. ‘When Padma Bani Paula', a breezy novel about acing the second chances of life by staying true to one’s roots. 'Masala Mix: Potpourri Of Shorts', a short story collection on the myriad manifestations of love.
A community builder, a multi-awarded blogger, closet Master Chef, Green Thumb and an educator, Anupama is based out of Gurgram
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