Earlier this week I woke up to a post on FB regarding Ranveer Allahbadia, whose shows, TRS clips and TRS, I have watched for quite some time now. Drawn in initially from my interest in Devi sadhana, I had subscribed and stayed on. Following the post, I had searched and landed on the now removed content. What could possibly have been said by the darling of nation – the good-looking boy next door who is amazingly also into deeper things – that is causing such shock and awe? My initial reaction to the clip was shock and awe. Not because I had believed Ranveer to be what he tried to project (deep into Bhairav sadhana, slowly rising above the material world). The man-child in him is too apparent for that. But what was said seemed so inappropriate and more importantly, unnecessary. Also, I took what he said literally. Like most.
I responded to the post with a comment, discussed with friends, expressed my outrage. What was said was shocking and pervert. And stupid.
As the week passed, the story - like everything – peaked. Outrage. FIRs. Arrest warrants. Apologies. Agony. And the ultimate truth of life - death – as in, death threats.
Before this, I was unaware of the existence of India’s got Latent. I believe the algorithms had spared me the exposure, thanks to longstanding dislike of roasting shows, starting from the MTV days of Roadies and Splittsvilla. Shows promoting the bully culture as in college bullying – tough it out or you aren’t man enough. But once I became aware of the context and the intent of the show, while reading comments on Allahbadia’s Instagram account (which expressed how pathetic it was to disrespect parents and think of parents in the context of sex), my analytical brain kicked in.
Why is it so OK to have ‘mother…’ (put f or c) and you need it, ‘go … your mother’, ‘tere ma…ki…’ a galore in daily banters and popular streaming contents. But this is so shocking to our conscience? Is it because the father would be involved too in the later scenario? Not to get literal, but if we are going there, we should go literal in all cases. However, it’s not just in India. In most cultures there’s a distinction made. I have used these curse words myself. I have joked over them. I don’t claim to be a puritan, but I don’t think not using those would have made me one. I could see the fallible Allahbadia in me. In all of us.
I believe there are a few factors at play here for tremendousness of his fall but let me get what isn’t at play – i.e., the digressions – out of the way.
This is not a matter of an unfunny joke or misunderstood humor. Most things on you tube panels (with mostly men and one or two token women) including popular nightly shows are crude, unfunny, and misogynistic.
People also seem to be thinking the fact that Ranveer’s comment was not original – as in it was from another YouTube show – to be newsworthy. Really? We really thought Ranveer to be either so smart, or so perverted, that the two scenarios that he put together in a single sentence was either thought of by him in his effort of finding the most shockingly witty roast, or something he has actually fantasized about? No. Without knowing anything about Ranveer as a person, I can be sure that wasn’t the case. Even with the tagline ‘explore the unexplored’ – he wouldn’t come up with this.
Ranveer is also not a person so deep into spirituality that he has evolved out of the ‘follies’ of life. Partying, watching porn, watching shows that have ‘outrageous’ content he might find humorous, offensive jokes. Most of us haven’t. Most don’t show fingers at our family tables, or go flaunting use of dildos, but we don’t live our lives prude either. Ranveer’s persona is a PR crafted one to fit the evolving modality of his show – like anything that needs to sell in this world today. Him interviewing a disciple of Swami Om doesn’t make him a devoted disciple of Swami Om. He is not living his life like Rajarshi Nandy. And to be truly objective – I don’t know how Rajarshi Nandy truly lives his life either. Not saying he does one way or another, but the mistake is to assume we all are only what can be seen.
And this is factor one. The comment is shocking because who said it did so.
The second problem is how it was said. It wasn’t presented as a choice between two horribly impossible options. Or as insults. It was said with humor followed by everyone around in with jubilant laughter and congratulatory messages. Therefore, it seems like a fun suggestion rather than a terrible one. The audacity.
But the most important factor is normalization. Desensitization. Abusive language around sex with mother is a concept trivialized and normalized. Thinking about parents having sex is unthinkable, let alone being exposed to the same. That is the ultimate sign of a looming apocalypse. On one hand the nation is cleansing its sin dipping in Ganga. Millions taking advantage of a confluence just in time to support the nation’s awakening. On the other hand, the youth are reaching new levels of depravity every day. Rich kids, laughing and joking. Foul language used in sophisticated settings. This is not about what-about-ery hence I will skip to the real problem as I see it here.
Moral depravity, bravado in abuse, machoism in stupidity is not a ‘this week’ problem, nor did Allahbadia start it. It is there in the misogynist Whatsapp jokes, the blockbuster status of movies like Animal, and our normalization of alpha behaviors. We have been finding bullying those who can’t toughen up and take it to be funny for ages. But we don’t like the ones who fight too much either.
Don’t get me wrong, the comment was a terrible one to make. Ranveer doesn’t deserve to be arrested, but we increasingly live in the world where the punishments don’t fit the crime – either too much or nothing for where it should be exemplary. That will happen and subside. For both matters, there are worse things in this world.
The real opportunity here is to understand the Ranveer in all of us. Ranveer is not right, but his biggest folly here is not the comment. It’s the pretension and overbuilding of a persona that isn’t him. He didn’t need to fake it he would have still made it. Dr. Tamanna probably couldn’t read his energy right, neither did Arun Pandit read his Kundali right. But we can read ours ourselves. We are all fallible, both good and bad. The world we live in are unproportional and unfair.
The sadhana, guidance, and spiritual awakening we seek doesn’t come from token behaviors. It comes from humility, detachment, depth, and dedication. Not everyone is there. Not everyone needs to or can go there. Living a puritan life is not needed but objective understanding of who we really are and how long is the road ahead is useful. And if we truly feel brave and ready for social cleansing, we can start by thinking. Why do we like seeing the weak suffer? What is funny when another is humiliated? What gets excited inside us when those who don’t look or act the part are kicked out? Why parents are off-limits, but mothers are not?
Dr. Tanushree Ghosh (Ph. D. Cornell University, Chemistry) is Director at Intel Corp., a social activist, and an author. Her blog posts, op-eds, poems, and stories are her efforts to provoke thoughts, especially towards issues concerning social justice. She is a contributor (past and present) to several popular e-zines incl. The Huffington Post US (where her first post on returning to India as the mother of a daughter went viral and was picked up by Yahoo News and where she subsequently authored many successful op-eds on gender, Syria war, mental health, the western media’s coverage of the Brazil Olympic and so on), The Logical Indian, Youth Ki Awaaz, Tribune India, Women’s Web, Thrive Global, and Cafe Dissensus (where she hosted her own segment on social satire titled Black Light).
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