The problem with falling in love is that everything else in life becomes boring by comparison- Atticus.
This year I found myself pondering on the different definitions I have used to describe LOVE through the years. I'm sure we all wonder about love and what it means to us in particular. My understanding of the feeling underwent several changes. From a crush as a teen replete with drama and sad songs to being the centre of someone's world, I thought I had achieved my ever after.
Soon after I got married, I realized WHY no one tells you what happens after the princess marries the prince.
The mystique and newness of young love usually gives way to comfort and steadiness of knowing the different facets of a person for a long time. The journey of love is akin to a river's journey that begins at its source and travels a great distance to reach a final submersion.
Young love is like a river at its source, it dances and shines, it is strong and pushes boundaries. It is hypnotic, evoking a powerful response… a call that is difficult to ignore. A few years later, this love turns into a fast-flowing river that has defined boundaries, but only the river knows its own depth. External factors can cause it to run amok or dry out to a trickle of its original essence. And when love matures, it slows down with an acceptance of things one can’t change, like a river nearing its final destination.
Romantic love in all its permutations carries essentially, communication and respect at its core. Any slips, breakdown or gaps in these two essentials, usually raises conflicts with consequences that can change the course of one’s life.
This is also reflected in my writings. I have always liked to explore love slightly left of what is the norm. My first book, A Window to her Dreams, explores a love that develops after disillusionment and divorce, a love that has patience and unlearning conditioning of a violent marriage. On the other hand, Anatomy of Choice, my second book talks about a love that has lost its passion, and decisions taken in haste lead lovers down a rocky hill. It talks about a confused and unsure love, of live-in relationships, and the set of problems a choice-that-is-taboo comes with.
While I appreciate the theatrics and intense madness of young love, I have to admit I look forward to exploring the warm comfort of an old love. A passion that burns steadily averse to external factors affecting its existence.
I asked a group of my friends if the definition of love had changed for them as they grew up. And most of them said love has ceased to be about who made the grandest gesture and was now all about the small considerations and respect in the daily grind. Knowing that someone will sit next to you as you crib and cry over nothing.
We are a generation that understood the concept of love and relationship through the prism of what we read. Books like Dr. Zhivago, Pride and Prejudice, and the other Jane Austen books, Gone with the wind, Jane Eyre, Madame Bovary, Thorn Birds…the list is endless. We were looking for our soulmates.
But in today's context of tinder dates, hook up's and hang out's, the word soulmate is no more the subtext of a piercing everlasting love. It is just a word that denotes emotion. It is no more sacred and sacrosanct. I don't mind that it is overused most times but what I feel distressed about, is the loss of the spoken commitment the word once symbolized.
Love, like everything else, undergoes evolution. I don’t think it can remain the same. And maybe in this new avatar, it will be accessible to everyone even if for a short duration. After all, there is hope that we haven't met everyone who will love us yet. And there will be that one who will make us feel like the sun to their earth.
I wish everyone a love that brings home a whole flower pot instead of roses for Valentine’s Day because he knows I don’t like to pluck flowers.
Harshali Singh is the author of A Window to her Dreams and Anatomy of Choice and has contributed to several short story collections. She is a member-judge at the consumer forum and a trained Occupational Therapist from the Institute of The Physically Handicapped. She also holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education as well as an LLB degree. You can get her books from Readomania and Amazon.
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