I am going to show you five ways that can make your relationships deeper and more meaningful, and make you someone who everyone will cherish. You have heard all of them before, but don’t underestimate their power due to their simplicity and familiarity. It is not just about the ‘what’ but also about the ‘how’. I will show you how these ideas tie into one another and also how you can make them a part of who you are. Let’s begin:
- Remember: In our fast world, overflowing with information, few people manage to care for the details, so this is a quality that no one can ignore. When people talk to you, make note of the details they care about and remember them. These include names of others at home, including pets — or especially pets, dates that matter, maybe the anniversary of getting the dream job, their favourite spots in the city, events that changed them, the name of the native village they visit every year. You keeping it in mind when they say them the first time and recollecting them in future conversations will mean a lot to them.
‘How are Sushma and Akash?’ is a lot more powerful than how is everyone at home.
This tip pervades through the remaining four we are going to talk about so make sure you get this. If remembering is hard for you, take notes on your phone as soon as the conversation is over. The act of noting down itself may aid retention and you may not have to check back. With effort, you will get better at this soon.
- Appreciate: ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated,’ says the American philosopher William James. And it costs us nothing to fulfil this great craving, just a few sincere words is all it takes.
After a concert I particularly enjoyed, I went and told the singer I had a great time. On hearing this, his faced flushed in joy and his palm moved to his heart. Now, this person is a star and thousands of people have already told him this. Still, the sincere compliment gave him so much joy. So, just imagine how much more it can mean to someone who is not so popular, who doesn't get this every day!
Only when we are forced to live away, we realise the value of food the women at our home make. Only when a colleague leaves, we realise how they were making our days easier. Only after we leave our schools and colleges we realise the difference our teachers created.
But it is not hard to stop taking these things for granted and give the praise these people truly deserve.Find the good in everyone and sincerely appreciate them for it. It causes a feeling of expansion in both the giver and the receiver. So do this limitlessly, as much as you can!
- Wish: This is yet another small and seemingly trivial thing that makes a big difference to the receiver. In the era of instant messaging, we tend to keep belting out transactional one-liners and making quick, to the point, calls. If in between these, we can ask people how they are doing and wish them a good day or even afternoon, it will help make things more personal.
Checking birthday notifications and wishing is really easy, but do we at least do that? Anyway, the technology of today helps us take wishing to the next level.
Yourmetricbirthday.com tells you when someone turns 1000, 5000, 10,000, and 25,000 days old. Now, just imagine how awesome it would be, if out of the blue, on what seems a completely normal day, you pounce upon a 27-year-old friend and wish her for turning 10,000 days old! Not just the party, but also the reason for throwing it can be a big surprise!
The details of a person you are remembering in step one can help you wish them in more personal ways. Wish the friend who has joined a yoga class on June 21, the International Day of Yoga. Wish the friend who turned Vegan on 1st November. Wish your Jain friends on Mahavir Jayanthi and Sikh friends on Guru Nanak Gurpurab.
- Gift: I am not talking about diamonds and rubies here, the price matters the least. The thought that goes into it is the point.
I remember from my school days about a gift one of my classmates gave. He tore away remaining pages from used notebooks and used it to make a diary on his own. And this he gave his mother on her birthday who liked to note things down and stay organised. She used and preserved it as one of her most cherished gifts. If someone casually tells you they lost an umbrella then just think what gift they will cherish on a rainy day. So, remembering matters a lot here too.
Even if you don't have time for any of this, sincere words of appreciation noted down on small pieces of paper can become precious gifts that people treasure for long.
Receiving these meaningful gifts bring such great joy. And they remain on desks and showcases and when we are away, ensure our fond memories remain in our friends’ minds.
- Smile: A smile acts like a magic spell that instantly switches the vibe between two people into an endearing one. It is the simplest way to create a great first impression and begin every conversation on a positive note. And studies show that it matters more than the clothes and accessories we adorn.
We know this well, but what if it just doesn’t come? What if on a given day, you feel melancholic, anxious or just plain bored? Fear not, as there are ways to deal with this.
We have heard too many times that we have to be ourselves. But it is okay to give yourself permission to not be you for a while. The world, after all, is a stage and we are actors playing our parts. Wouldn't an actor who had a wretched time at home still be bubbly and cheerful if he had to play Santa? Look at this situation the same way and put up your best smile. This can do two things. One, the stretching of the facial muscles while smilingcan really lift our moods. Two, even this pretended smile will cause the other person to smile back to an extent. This starts a positive feedback loop and both can be in a bright mood in no time.
Before you meet someone, take a while thinking about the jokes you’ve shared, pleasant things you have done together, or qualities in them that you adore. Now, when you see them, a smile will light up automatically!
Now that you have seen the five steps, here is a small experiment to see its magic. Pick one person with whom you want a better relationship. And for one month follow these tips without leaving out a single one. Remember all the important details they share. Look for all that is good in them and shower bountiful appreciation. Greet and wish them at every opportunity. Give them gifts that say you understand them and you are thinking of them. And most importantly, smile every single time you see them. And when you see the difference this brings, you cannot help but treat everyone this way all the time.
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