My morning walk on social media has been full of sighs, some guffaws and some significant verbal abuse directed at the name-callers and nasty trollers whose ranks seem to be increasing day by day in the last few days. The reason is the widespread commentary on Sushmita Sen’s choices. What has been starkly evident to me is the othering of a woman who has managed to live her life on her own terms …so far.
Image Source: Twitter
The comment section of the initial post by Lalit Modi on their relationship status, which she has not yet authenticated, blew up. What followed was a rigmarole of justifications, noise-cancelling and shrugging of online hate and trolling on one end and the piranha-like glee with which people continue to slander and shred the spirit of an individual on the other. It reminded me again why social media is a mirror of our society.
In this constant circus for the next big reveal, a word that got flagged for me personally was “ Gold – Digger”. Repeated incessantly in varied variations, the message was clear to anyone who read through the opinions of this cowardly and small-minded army. It set me thinking especially after I read the comments of someone, I had admired thus far. The lady questioned the dynamics of Sushmita Sen’s relationship in relation to Mr Modi’s money. And this from a writer, physician, feminist, secular humanist, and activist. Cringe.
So, what does “Gold – Digger” mean?
The term “Gold – Digger” is a slang having roots in how women considered to be on the fringes of polite society were addressed and perceived. The Dictionary defines it as a term distinctly used for women as they were more likely to marry a wealthy man to achieve and maintain a better socioeconomic status. In Indian society, the public perceived several women as examples of the gold digger stereotype. Women in Bollywood faced the most flak for falling in love with successful men. It is convenient not to acknowledge that the women themselves were all substantially famous and wealthy in their own right.
But that would not fit well into the popular narrative of a cunning Gold digger who seduced an innocent man-child into marrying her. I mean, seriously. The man is running a successful business. He is likely to have a discerning cell in his brain to figure out if he wants to marry the woman or not.
In Law, the stereotype was and is constantly used to malign the image of a woman whenever there is a demand for maintenance. How else do you continue her suffering except by depriving her of respect and acknowledging her contribution and unpaid labour.
But we all have a part to play in making the term mainstream.
I remember singing and dancing to Diamonds are a girl’s best friend or the trendy Material Girl in my youth. It is rampant in Hindi and Punjabi music too.
How easy it was to drum this offensive term into the subconscious of our society through music and films that reiterated that women would marry or be in a relationship for wealth and status more often than not.
Do manipulative people exist? Yes. As do gullible people across the significantly diverse spectrum of genders.
But why do people collectively and immediately think that a woman in a relationship with a wealthy man is in it for his money?
From whatever I know about Sushmita Sen, she is a woman who has been financially independent and fiercely so from the time she chose to step under the arc lights. She has constantly strived to do her best at whatever project she takes up. The various tangents she manages to juggle with effortless ease tell me she is committed to living the best life she can…as am I, an ordinary woman. I have never seen her be less than gracious and straightforward about herself and her mistakes. All this and then some is in the public domain and in our collective knowledge.
Then why, as soon as someone posts a picture, we are quick to forget that Sushmita Sen is a commanding, resilient and sensible woman who has aced her own struggles and challenges to reach where she is today. I hope my daughter is as formidable as she is.
Sushmita made choices that broke this man-made structure that defines how women should behave and live. From standing on a world stage, representing her country, adopting her girls, resurrecting her career, and having her opinion on marriage and love- she followed her heart.
She reminds me of a famous Hollywood actress who once said – “I think men are wonderful, but I don’t need them.”
I wonder if even the idea that a woman can be content without a man shakes the foundation of this patriarchal society. And when this woman decides to be with one, the need to laugh and jeer at her choice comes from a deep-seated fear that wants to push any free-spirited, satisfied, mindful woman down. Hence the trolling and name-calling.
The trolling is only a symptom of the rot that has set in our malignant society that remains gleeful that its people remain unquestioningly within pre-set gender boundaries. I am glad that Sushmita is strong enough to make these tough decisions. I say this from the side lines, a woman who is at a distance, watching her make these power moves and hoping others emulate her ability to follow her heart, consequences notwithstanding. So enough with the trolling, the meanness and gold-digging comments; I am sure she has more gold than Lalit Modi in any case.
Let’s celebrate her massive heart, big enough to love her adopted girls. Her ability to stand firm on her beliefs even in the face of brutal criticism and constant pressure to perform and achieve, and just to live life on her own terms. And if you can’t say anything nice, refrain from saying anything at all, as my parents taught me.
Anyway, I suspect she likes diamonds more than gold.
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