Merriam- Webster defines lust as a usually intense or unbridled sexual desire. It also holds a place in one of the seven deadly sins. We’ve heard, we’ve read, and maybe occasionally experienced losing control of our mental faculty for that one moment of unadulterated fun. Lust is often accused of being destructive, cause for objectification, selfish, and self-centred. It makes us uncomfortable because it sometimes is the manifestation of our darkest desires and deepest fears.
But is a little bit of lust so bad?
Before you head for the close button, hear me out. Do you remember that single-minded focus on that job or that possession you absolutely needed to own? Lust gets you in the groove. It fills you up with confidence like nothing else.
Let’s look at what science says. It explains that even though ‘Lust’ is primarily driven by the endocrine system, but the brain is also involved in neural processing. The hypothalamus tells the pituitary glands to secrete the pheromones once you see the object of your desire. Ultimately, when the individual is aroused, it yields dopamine, which associates lust as a product of the dopaminergic reward system.
Dopamine is widely associated with happiness, and along with that, dopaminergic activation also boosts confidence.
Remember when dating was not just swiping right or left and how one would spend hours finding a chance to bump into their perfect mate? Sometimes it took planning at many levels and wasted hours hanging at different places before you got noticed! The days, sometimes weeks, it took to build up the courage to walk up to a guy. The heart tingles, the dry mouth, everything is the body’s reaction to you being in lust, which exacerbates because you deny your brain the satisfaction of the dopamine hit. Imagine what would happen if you let lust rule for a bit and have the confidence to just walk up to your perfect partner. Imagine owning that conversation without stopping to think about what-ifs?
Actually, Lust can also form a good checkpoint before getting into relationships. It could help you test compatibility with a person and then fizzle out, leaving the field wide open for love to blossom. By the time you realise the feeling, you’re cruising in the relationship, having shed your inhibitions. You know each other intimately enough to avoid relationship drama fraught with mind games.
That pull towards someone, which you seemingly can’t control even if you want to. It’s rare, and it’s heady, and it’s the perfect pick-me-up you need while coming out of a bad relationship. Where you’d forgotten to remember what it was to be you. When you are too fragile to get on with the drama of new relationships, this concoction of heady control could save you some time finding your poise.
If you are already in a stable relationship and think that this lusty business is not for you, you couldn’t be more wrong. Data says adding a bit of passion can not only liven your current relationship but also helps bring you closer. It shifts the focus from the mundaneness of routine and gives your soul connection an edge.
In fact, a little bit of lust with yourself gives your self-esteem a boost! Self-lust can help you understand your own sense of attraction. It would help you recognise your unique sexual magnetism and go a long way to self-acceptance and finding comfort in your own body.
However, like with everything, we need to exercise caution before getting carried away in the throes of passion. As mentioned, the deep desire is triggered inside a tiny part of the limbic brain called the hypothalamus. It then directs the pituitary gland to start churning out the androgenic hormones testosterone and estrogen. Which, in turn, drives us to seek out the object of our desire. At the same time, it suppresses the prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain which controls rational decision making and controlled thought processing. The high levels of hormones - dopamine and norepinephrine create a sense of exhilaration and giddiness. Therefore, an all-consuming need to pursue the object of desire without needing sleep or food. Serotonin, the regulator of mood and social behaviour, becomes temporarily suppressed when lust takes over. Lowered serotonin can lead to obsession, compulsion, and social withdrawal. So before ditching all rational thinking and letting the primal need take over, find a way to access the analytical part of your brain to weigh in the pros and cons.
In summary, a little bit of Lust will get you close to the high that you are chasing. But other emotions like love, trust, and mutual respect will take you through.
Rituparna Ghosh is the Author of Unloved in love and The boy with a Guitar. She has also contributed to different anthologies. Read her other short stories at https://www.readomania.com/author/buttercups.
She is currently living in the UK with her family. In her day job, she runs her practise as a Transformational Life Coach. Follow her on Twitter @rituparnag or Instagram @unloved.in.love
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