Dr. Daniel Smith was hurrying through the corridor when Arnab called him. Though he was not supposed to turn back but Arnab was his favourite student, “Yes Arnab, what is it?”

Arnab looked hesitated, “Did I just deter you, Dr. Smith?”

“Oh yes! You did. Tomorrow is my wife’s birthday and she is waiting at Quintard.”

“Actually Sir, next Thursday is my birthday. My first one in Oxford and mother wants me to invite you.”

“Ohhh! That’s so kind of her. I am honoured. But lad, I cannot commit to you right now as it is almost a week.”

“We will be honoured Sir, if you can make it.”

“Is it going to be a big party?”

“No Sir, just few. We can’t afford a big party.”

Dr. Smith smiled, “I will let you know by Tuesday. By the way, why don’t you come to our house tomorrow with your mother? Emily will be very happy.”

“My mother doesn’t go anywhere. She is introvert beyond imagination.”

“Don’t complain. Not all the fingers of your hand are equal.”

Arnab smiled.

“Then we will be expecting you tomorrow at dinner at 7.”

“I will try.”

“Just make it happen.”

Arnab smiled again.

“Well boy, I hope you don’t want my wife to get mad at me. I must hurry now.”

“Yes Sir and thanks for the invitation.”

Dr. Daniel Smith has been teaching History in The College of the Holy and Undivided Trinity in the University of Oxford, of the foundation of Sir Thomas Pope since last thirty two years. In these three decades he has nurtured so many students from different countries. From his experience he knew that, inviting a professor in birthdays was not a common practice. In fact, it is the second occasion for him in these long thirty two years. Coincidentally, the other one who had invited him also was from India. That was at the very beginning of his career as a lecturer in the college. Anuradha was the brightest in the class. She and Emily were the best of the friends. Emily, the lone child of an influential businessman turned politician, had an unique ability of making someone hers by her generosity. Anuradha had come from a mediocre family of India, none compared to Emily’s. But Emily never let her felt that. Among all the students those two and he became good friends beyond the boundary of the college. He was just around twenty seven then.

Emily was having her favourite Costa Rican coffee at the food court in Quintard. Dr. Smith joined her at the table, “you are not supposed to take caffeine.”

“How many years we have been married, Dan.”

“What that possibly can have to do anything with your drinking coffee?”

“Answer me dear.”

“Thirty years. But, what can…”

“And how many excuses you have came up with in these years?”

“This is not an…”

Emily smilingly holds her hands, “Honey, I didn’t complain. Did I?”

“I didn’t intend to keep you waiting either. This boy held me back.”

“Which boy?”

“Ah! You know Emily, this Indian boy. What a bright student he is. His diligence is unquestionable. He is the best in this lot. So suave and humble.  I have invited him tomorrow. You will see that my words are not hyperboles.” 

“What? You have invited someone whom we don’t know.”

“How can you know if you don’t meet?”

“Dan, you have invited someone who was not supposed to be invited. Did you get my point?”

Dr. Smith looked embarrassed, “Well I was not supposed to. But, he invited me in his birthday party next week.”

“Is that a good reason to invite him?”

“Well! No. But now...”

“Now let’s go for what we have come here. “

Arnab rang the bell of the Smiths’ at 7:30. Elder daughter Patricia answered the door.

“Dr. Daniel Smith?”

She raised her voice to call her father, “Dad, a gentleman is looking for you.”

 In few moments the father arrived at the door, “Ah! Arnab, my boy. We were expecting you. Come in.”

Doctor took him to the lady of the occasion, “Emily, the boy has honoured our invitation.”

Arnab handed over the bouquet to her, “Many happy returns of the day, ma’am!”

Emily smilingly accepted but gave him an incisive look, “Thank you so much, son. Join us.”

 Dr. Smith introduced him to everyone present. Harris, husband of the younger daughter Priscilla offered him Lagavulin. Dr. Smith came forward watching him being hesitant, “What’s the matter, lad. What is keeping you from tasting ambrosia? Don’t you drink?”

Arnab smiled shyly instead of answering.

“Come on. This is not your college. We all are friends here.”

“Are you spoiling the boy, Dan?” Asked Emily from behind.

“Oh no! How could I? Did I?”

Emily ignored Doctor, “who do you have in your family?”

“It’s me and my mother.”

“Your father?”

“I was only few months’ when he died.”

“Oh! Poor boy. I am so sorry. Were you born in India or in here?”

“In India. My grandparents from my mother’s side are living in England for last almost fifty years. After my father died we came here.”   

“So, your mother was born here.”

“Yes. But after marriage she went to India.”

“Are your grandparents still alive?”

“No.”

“Does she work?”

“Yes. She is an accounting clerk in Chricton Electricals.”

“Oh mom, it’s becoming quite an interrogation.” Patricia intervened.

“She is pretty good at it.” Priscilla seconded.

“What nonsense?” Protested their mother, “I am just trying to know him. He is new to us.”

“I don’t mind. It’s always good to know new people.” Said Arnab.

“See, he is a true gentleman. He knows how to respect ladies.”

The last guest left around 11. Husband and wife cleaned the house and retired to their bed. Emily asked mischievously, “Where is my special gift?”

“Ah! You old vixen. Haven’t changed a bit.”

“Do I need to?”

“Had you had, I wouldn’t have loved you so much.”

He took her in his arms and planted a deep affectionate kiss on her lips.

“You know Dan, what I feel about him?”

“Whom?”

“Your student, the boy.”

“What?”

“He is a pretty good liar.”

“What the hell makes you to think so? Oh Ema, You are becoming skeptic with age.”

Usually with such an allegation, she would have erupted like a volcano. But she remained calm, “You don’t see Dan. Do you? Or you knew it from the beginning?”

“No enigmas. Come clear.”

“He has her eyes, her jaw.”

“Whose eyes?” He realised what Emily meant. He sat right up on the bed and looked at her, “That can’t be. She had an abortion.”

“You never had seen the medical reports.”

“No, she had written to me.”

“You never knew the reality, Dan.”

He looked wistful.

“Go to sleep, Dan. No need to dig an old grave.”

MEMORIES

Daniel could not sleep. Three decades of old memories crowded his mind. Friendship of theirs had become talking point for both students and teachers. But ages of their ages were perfect for not extending any importance to those. Anuradha had maintained a distance initially for she didn’t have a family background and wealth as Emily’s. But Emily melted her with warmness of her behaviour. As days went by, their friendship matured. Emily’s laughter, liveliness, warmth of her heart, her radiating beauty had attracted Daniel. But Anuradha with her serene nature, with her thick and long dark hair, wide big eyes and with her melting smile had charms which were difficult to set aside. Anyone could fall for her.

That was the Christmas night of 1984. Daniel had arranged the dinner at his apartment. Emily alone had turned up. He was expecting them both, “Where is she?”

“Poor Ana! Other girls of her hostel took her at their party.”

“Was that more important to her?”

“Oh! Dan, don’t be so unreasonable.”

“You could have gone too?”

“She lives in the hostel. I live with my parents in my own house. She has the compulsions which I don’t.”

“Don’t always defend her.”

“There is nothing to defend. Promise me, you won’t be rude or unfair to her.”

“Why do you care?”

“What do you mean? Don’t you care for her? She is thousands miles away from her family. If we don’t who will?”

He smiled, “You will never stop amazing me with your warmth. Now, with your permission shall I prepare the table? I am starving.”

“You cooked?”

“I would do that only if I had to spoil the dinner.”

During the dinner he talked about Emily and Anuradha as he had no other subjects to speak about, without noticing that she was becoming irritated.

Finishing dinner they sat on the couch with his favourite red wine, “Had she been here the evening would have been fulfilling. She doesn’t know what a splendid evening she missed.”

“You like her?”

“Of course I do. You do more than me.”

“You like her?” She asked again.

“I said so…wait…what do you mean? Oh God! No. It’s not what are you thinking. She is an amazing friend.”

She remained silent.

“Emily, she is a wonderful woman. She will find his prince charming one day.”

“You think about her.”

“So do you.”

“But I didn’t miss her today as much as you did.” She was restless.

“You did, but you won’t admit.”

“I said I didn’t.” She raised her voice.

“Oh! Hey, was it something I just said?”

“No. I am sorry. I just want to go home.”

“What? It’s not even 8:30. We were supposed to go for a walk.”

“I don’t feel like it. I want to go home. Will you take me?”

“Of course, I will but what just happened?”

“Am I to answer your every question?” She looked restless again, “This is not your class.”

She hurried towards the door. He went after her and blocked his way, “Hey, hey, come on. Tell me, what just happened? What did I say?”

“Nothing. It’s my fault. Will you take me or I will have to go alone.”

“Fault? Where the hell fault is coming from? What happened to you, Emily?”

“Nothing, I said nothing has happened. Let me go.”

“No.” He held her with might by her arms, “You have to tell me what has happened? What have I done?”

She looked at him with teary eyes. He looked at her eyes. They kissed. They embraced. They remained embraced in an inexpressible feeling. They were happy.

They met Anuradha next day at their favourite coffee shop. Instead of sitting with Anuradha, Emily sat with him. Anuradha noticed, “Hey Ema, you changed the side.”

“Oh Ana, my sweet Ana, how terribly I missed you last night.”

“What did I miss?”

Emily rested her head on his shoulder and smiled at her.

Sharp knife of dejection pierced through her heart. Overlaying her distress with a smile she looked at them both.

Next year they became man and wife. Anuradha was the bridesmaid. They went to Scotland for their honeymoon. When they returned Anuradha was gone leaving no whereabouts behind. They looked for her everywhere they could, but in vain.

Time and life were moving forward hand in hand. Anuradha had become a memory. Patricia and Priscilla had become their present and future.

In the summer of 1992, Dr. Daniel smith was invited by Humboldt University in an international seminar for he had become one of the most respected professors in England by that time. On the second evening of the seminar, after having dinner at Hackescher Hof with two fellow professors he went to a medicine shop nearby. He was explaining his needs to the German lady in the counter, who couldn’t speak English, when he was startled by a long lost familiar voice. He turned around and could not help himself from raising his voice, “Ana!!”

“Dan!” Anuradha was startled too.

He embraced her, “Where the hell had you disappeared to?” His voice couldn’t avert others’ attention.

Embarrassed Anuradha said, “Dan, let’s go out.”

Understanding the awkwardness of the situation he said, “That will be better. Do you speak German? Help me.”

Coming out of the shop he said, “You speak German like the Germans.”

“When in Rome, act like a Roman.”

“Why did you disappear, Ana? We searched for you wherever we could. She cried for you.”

She sighed, “What are you doing here?”

“I am attending the seminar in Humboldt.”

“Ah yes! I have heard about the seminar.”

“Where do you live? What are you doing? Are you married? How many children have you produced? What does your husband do?”

“My goodness, Dan! You are flooding me away.”

He smiled, “Let’s have a coffee. Are you expected?’

“No. Let me take you to a shop. But mind you, you may not find it sober.”

“I will have the coffee, not the place.”

They both smiled.

The shop truly was not a sober one, but he found it cozy.

Ordering two Costa Ricans - black and without sugar he looked on to her.

“What?” She smilingly asked.

“Seven years, Ana. Seven years it has been. You disappeared like you never existed.”

“How is my Ema? How many children she has given to you?”

“She is now busy and proud mother of two girls. Patricia is five, Priscilla is three.”

“Wow, Dan! You guys turned out to be quite productive.” She laughed, “I can’t imagine Ema as a mother. Goodness, you are father of two. Do you have any photos of my cuties?”

“Oh yes! How can’t I have?”

He took out the photograph from his wallet for her.

“Hey look! Ema has grown into a fat mamma. And Pat is so beautiful. Priscilla is so cute.”

“You sound like you have seen them before.”

“What are you saying Dan? How can’t I make out who’s who?”

“Where have you been Ana? Why did you disappear?”

She remained silent.

“Tell me, Ana. Tell me about you.”

“Mine is nothing remarkable as yours, Dan. There is nothing to speak about.”

“That can’t be. Tell about your husband, your kids.”

“If I had them I would have gladly.”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you married?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Say, I couldn’t find anyone or nobody liked me.”

The coffee was served. She took a sip, “How long will you be here?”

“We have a workshop sort of after the seminar. So, all together it will be two weeks almost.”

“Where are you staying?”

“In Maritim Grand.’

“Wow!”

“Can I ask a favour?”

“You know you can, Dan.”

“Can we meet every evening I am here?”

“Those days will not come back, Dan.”

“You have changed, Ana.”

“Haven’t you? Hasn’t everyone?”

“You didn’t answer me.”

“Do you have a number here?”

“I have the numbers of the hotel. My room number is 807. Call me before 9.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

“Call me before 9. The seminar starts at 10.”

“Do you like the coffee?”

“The best I had since my arrival.”

The telephone rang just once and he picked the receiver up, “Put her through.”

Reception followed his order.

“Good morning, Ana!”

She didn’t speak but laughed. She laughed from the bottom of her heart.

“We missed this laugh, do you know that?”

“I will be free by 6:30.”

“In front of that medicine shop, I will be by 6:30.”

“Till then.”

“Till then.”

She was waiting for him, “You are late, Dan, as usual.”

He apologetically smiled, “You know people don’t easily let you go.”

“Same lame excuses. At least this has not changed for you.”

“I was thinking of going for that coffee.”

“Of course, but after dinner.”

“Where are we going for dinner?”

“Another new place. Not far from the coffee shop.”

“I was expecting the dinner at your place.”

“Not today. My room is a mess. I have to clean that up.”

“I am no stranger to you, Ana.”

“Whatever, but not today.”

She ordered traditional German dishes. He was looking intensely at her.

“What are you looking at?”

“You look same, Ana.”

“Ema wouldn’t like the idea.”

“She wants to talk to you, she was so so surprised and happy.”

“You told her.”

“How couldn’t I? We will call her today. She will be waiting.”

“We will.”

“Ana, why aren’t you answering me?”

“You haven’t asked anything.”

“I have. Well, I am again. Why did you disappear like that?”

“Not all questions have answers, Dan.”

“This one has. You know, this one has.”

“Let us not spoil the evening, Dan. Besides knowing the reason will not bring anything back for you.”

“I don’t like mysteries Ana.”

Before he could speak again she signed silence, “No more obstinacy. Why aren’t you interested in my present? Have you asked me what I am doing now?”

“Oh really! Haven’t I? Tell me.”

“I am teaching history in a school here. For almost 7 years now. I love my job.”

“You had promises to shine brighter, Ana. You had the potential to be much more than a school teacher and you know that.”

“Be what, a professor who would teach the grownups? I am doing the same, Dan. I just don’t attend seminars. What else did you expect me to become, a historian?  Who keeps records of the past? When I moved forward throwing out mine, how could I keep records of others’?”

He was about to speak but the dinner had came. They had their dinner almost in silence. She paid the bill, “Let’s call Ema.”

She made the call from a local phone booth. Ema was waiting for the call. They talked, they cried, they laughed. They talked for long keeping him waiting outside. Two friends, two women were reconciling seven long years in few minutes.

Next day was a Friday. She invited him for dinner on Saturday. He was glad, “What will you be cooking for me?”

“Is still fish and chips are your favourite, with smashed peas?”

“You remember that?”

She smiled and nodded.

“How far is your place Ana?”

“Why do ask that? Does that matter to you?”

“Not at all. I just asked.”

“Be here by 5. And no lame excuses this time.”

He was late. She was mockingly angry, “I knew it. You can never reach on time. How is Ema tolerating your nuisances is a question to me.”

“You women are always on your toes to allege.”

“Oh! Really?”

They started walking along the Rosenthaler Street. Anuradha asked, “Have you quit smoking?”

“Not really, but trying to.”

“That’s good. But would like to have one now?”

“You smoke?”

“Sometimes.” She took out a pack of cigarettes and offered him. They lit the cigarettes on walk.

“Dan, it’s about 30 minutes of walking from here. Do you want to take a cab?”

“Have you become so old that can’t walk just half an hour, Ana?”

“Excellent! You are just excellent.”

Their reminiscing walk stretched the distance from half an hour to almost an hour.

Her apartment was nothing appreciable. One room, one kitchen attached to the dining place and a bathroom with a small balcony. She looked at him, “It’s not much, I know. But this is what I can afford.”

“Paradise is where you are, Ana.”

She smiled, “Give me two minutes. I will just change and come.”

Fish and chips with smashed peas and banoffee pie were for dinner.

She served the dinner as neatly as was possible for her within her limited resources, “I am sure Dan, Ema makes this far better than me.”

He took a portion of the pie.

“You still eat the sweets first.”

He smiled, “You made this pie?”

“Yes.”

“Haven’t had such a banoffee in long time.”

After finishing the pie with utmost satiety he savored the fish, “I never knew you were such a brilliant cook.”

“You knew nothing about me. You never tried to.”

“What do you mean, Ana?”

She smiled, “Nothing. I have some good Costa Rican for you.”

He knew she wouldn’t open up if persuaded.

She made the coffee after dinner, “Come, let’s go to my room.”

The room was spacious, with a bed, a sofa and a cup-board in it. They sat on the either side of the sofa and she handed over the cup to him.

He was looking at her. Same dark thick long hair, wide eyes, clear jaw lines. She had definitely become more attractive with age.

“What are you looking at, Dan?”

“Ana, I missed you.” His voice was staid.

His voice melted her, “Didn’t I miss you two? Not a day passes by when I don’t think of you.”

Tears came out of her eyes. He put the cup on the floor and moved towards her. He put his arm around her shoulder, “then why did you disappear? Why did you leave us like that?”

“What was there anymore for me, Dan? You were happy with her.”

Dumbstruck Daniel remained seated with his hand around her. Repressed lament of seven long years rolled down from her wide eyes. He didn’t know how to console her. After endless minutes she stopped and looked at his eyes, “I didn’t have riches like her. But, tell me Dan, what else was there I couldn’t give you that she has.”

Daniel couldn’t speak for he had no answer. Instead, he kissed her and she responded earnestly. The kiss was turning intense when she refrained herself, “No Dan. I can’t do it. I can’t do this to Ema.”

They remained embraced for moments, “Promise me, Ana, you will meet me every day I am here.”

“Why Dan? It will bring us nothing.”

“Why do we need to account for everything, Ana? Memories of these few days will be the oasis for us when we will be crossing the deserts for we do not know if will meet again.”

She remained silent resting her head on his chest.

“Promise me.”

She nodded.

They met every day and next Saturday he was again invited for dinner. He had planned to go to her place alone but she didn’t agree, “For we don’t know if we will ever meet again I want to count every minute.” They met at the same place and walked to her place, holding hands. Ema was not occupying space in between them. After dinner, on the sofa, with the coffee, he said, “I want to know something.”

“Ask away.”

“Why didn’t you ever let me know?”

“Did you ever try to know? Was it really hard to read my eyes? But Dan, you loved her. You really love her. I never did stand a chance. I was never in your heart.”

“Oh God! Why me?”

“Hey Dan, don’t do this to yourself. What has happened has happened for good. Probably we were never meant to be together. Probably we would never be happy together.”

“I am not a child, Ana. Can I be ever happy again?”

“Time is the best remedy. When you will go back to your loved ones, I will become just a memory again. And one day the memory will be wiped out.”

“I am repenting, Ana for coming to this seminar. Your memories were pleasant then your presence.”

She looked at the window in a blurred vision.

He approached and put a hand on her shoulder, “Ana! Ana, I….I didn’t want to hurt you. Please Ana.”

She looked at her with her smile, “We are good. Don’t you worry, man?” She tried to divert him, “Are you getting late?”

“You want me to go?”

“No,” she restlessly protested, “for god’s sake, no. I was just asking.”

“No, you were not. You want me to go. You don’t want to be weak.”

He stood up to leave. She rushed to the door of the room to impede him, “Please Dan, I beg you. You are not mine but let me live with these memories.”

Desperate, Daniel grabbed her long dark thick hair and locked her lips with his. She embraced her emphatically. Intensity of their kisses dragged them to her bed. They bared each other as a child unwraps a gift. Two different souls in two different bodies sunk themselves in the delight of knowing the unknown.

Either fear or delight could awake after knowing the unknown. Fear would cause either retreat or curiosity. Delight would pave the way for fulfillment. But coexistence of both might ignite further exploration.

In the winter that year Daniel received a letter from Germany. The letter had come in the address of the college.

Dan,

I didn’t want to contact you ever again. I wanted to live with the memories you had given me. But I wanted you to know that your seed is taking shape inside me. I have no expectance from you. Neither will you ever have my shadow in your meadow. Not even in my dreams I can think of any harm caused to Ema for me. Her bliss will be hers. Just give the child due acknowledgement. Many foster unclaimed orphans. Can’t you?

Ana.   

How could he adopt her child? What if the child had her looks, her features? There would be no enough logical explanation to satisfy Ema. She would never forgive him. His life would be ruined. But nothing could be more satanic than rejecting someone who gave herself to him, unconditionally. Anuradha had wanted him in her life as her everything. Did he also want that? What did make him weak in her bedroom? Was it just lust or something beyond? He already had broken Ema’s trust. By rejecting he would break Anuradha’s. Whatever his decision might be would compel him to live with horns of dilemma, with guilty conscience. Why he had accepted the invitation from Humboldt? Destiny?     

THE PHOTOGRAPH

Ema was sleeping like a dead exhausted by the stress of the party. For him that was a sleepless night. He felt the need of finding truth about Arnab. But how will that be possible? College will not allow him to access the records without appropriate reasons. Fear of probabilities was making him restless. The next morning and the weekend he could not help but let grass grew under his feet.

Monday he observed Arnab very carefully, but could not find any resemblance. Ema might have mistaken. Arnab being Indian must have had created an illusion for her eyes for Anuradha once was inseparable part of her life. She still cherishes memories of those days with her, though she never expressed but he could make it out.  Suddenly someone from inside asked him do you remember her face clearly? He couldn’t answer himself for he had none. He tried and failed. His restlessness magnified. The old guilty conscience returned. How could he forget the face of a woman who always has been unconditional?  For first three years after receiving that note from her, a day didn’t pass by when he didn’t think about her. But he didn’t think as much about his offspring from her as much he did about the moments of their sexual intercourses. Gradually those memories too, faded away. Would Arnab bring back those memories for him? Was he actually Anuradha’s son? Had he invited him on purpose? He was becoming beclouded. There was no other way to find the truth out except attending the invitation.

Next day he met Arnab outside the class, “Am I still invited for your birthday?”

“We will be honoured by your presence, Sir.”

“When shall I appear?”

“Anytime after afternoon, Sir. Till then we will be ready to host you. Shall I text you our address?”

“That will be great, boy. By the way, are you planning any special Indian dishes?”

Arnab laughed, “I hope so, sir. I don’t know, honestly.”

His laugh was so untainted. How could a boy, with such a laugh, lie? Ema must have mistaken. Yet, he could not let the thought leave his mind.

Thursday around 7 in the evening he reached their apartment. No sooner he rang the bell, Arnab opened the door with his amiable smile, “Welcome, Sir.”

“I hope I am not late.”

“Not at all, Sir. Not at all.”

He didn’t see any other guest as he entered, “Oh, boy! I am the first one.”   

He smiled but didn’t answer. Instead he took him to the drawing and asked, “Please have a sit, sir.”

“You have a good collection of books.”

“Actually sir, these are my mother’s collections. She is a bookworm.”

“That’s the best habit one can have. But where is she?”

“What would like to have, sir – coffee or tea?”

“I prefer coffee. But not before meeting the dame of the house.”

He smiled, “Give me a minute, sir.”

He disappeared in one of the rooms behind him.

After few moments a long lost voice from behind shocked him, “Hello, Dan.”

He almost sprang and turned towards the voice. Somewhere deep down him, he knew that the mother would be her. Yet he was surprised. In a distance, with his son was standing Anuradha. Same dark long and thick hair, that melting smile perfectly complemented by her wide eyes though age had imprinted its pride on her face. In an eyewink time went back to Germany. Ema was right. Arnab all along knew that Dr. Daniel Smith was his father. Somehow he managed to return the greeting, “Hello Ana.”

“Have a seat, Dan.”

“Maa, sir would like to have coffee.” Arnab said to his mother.

“I know, Costa Rican – black and hard without sugar.”

“Shall I make it for all of us?”

“No, I will.”

“Give me few minutes, Dan.”

Daniel mechanically nodded his head as she went in the kitchen.

Arnab took the sofa in front of him, but he was unable to look in his son’s eyes.

“She makes the best coffee in the world. I never take coffee elsewhere.”

“She does, indeed.” He said in an arid voice.

His unease kept him silent. In few moments Anuradha came with the coffee, to his relief.

“You have become an old fellow, Dan.”

“Age has not spared you either.”

“How is Ema doing? How are Patricia and Priscilla? Have you become grandpa?”

“She can’t be anything but good for she is the-best-one-can-have grandma to our grandchildren.”

“Ah! That is so sweet.”

“When did you come back to England?”

“About a year back, just before his academic session started. He is in love with history like me.” With a little pause she said, “Like you.”

Arnab changed the topic, “Maa, he was eager to know what special Indian dish you would be cooking today.”

“Bahon, I think he still is in love with fish and chips. Aren’t you, Dan?”

“Something, like my rapacity for fish and chips, never changes. And know it boy, not many women on this planet can make that like your mother.”

They all smiled. She said, “Quite a compliment. “

“But what did you just called him, Ana?”

“Bahon, his nickname.”

“What does it mean?”

“Only, Bahon means carrier or vehicle. But his name is a shortened from Babhrubahana, who represented apathy and denial of masculine and glory and pride of feminine.”

“Maa, don’t spoil the evening.”

“You know, Dan, after a certain age it is wise to listen to your children.”

“I was so confused and coward, Ana. I wanted to embrace him. But I couldn’t.”

“You want me to believe that, Dan? In these twenty three years have you ever tried to know about us? Have you ever tried to know what happened to me in my pregnancy? Where had be born? How was he growing up? How would he look like?”

“Maa, what are you doing? I had told you not to do this.”

“Ana, believe me. I tried to contact you many times over.”

“Then what did stop you? Ema? Be honest Dan, does she at all know about us?”

He couldn’t answer for he couldn’t lie.

“Maa, if you don’t stop this I will leave at once.”

Moments passed by in silence, until Arnab broke it, “Sir, I knew about you before I had joined the college. I have craved for father’s affection all my life. She has always been both to me. But, believe me sir, had I known her intention I wouldn’t have invited you.”

“What do you mean, Bahon? What do you mean? My intention? I could have dumped you as he did. But that was not my intention. I could have enjoyed my life like many other, but that was not my intention.”

“Maa,” Arnab protested, “he is our guest. That is my point.”

“Let her speak, Arnab. She has every right. I have repented many times for attending that seminar. But my true contrition is that I was not man enough to accept you. I ran away from her, from you. I have even forgotten her face. I am her culprit and yours too.”

“Yes, you are,” she said, “Just one reply to my letter would have been the provision for my life. I had thought of ending my life with him inside. But that would make me more despicable than you. I fought against myself, against people around me, against enticements.”

“Nothing will come back, Maa.”

“I know that. But he can compensate my sufferings.”

“What do you mean, Ana?” Daniel looked worried.

She noticed but ignored, “Give him his rights. Let the world know who his father is.”

“Ema will not be able to bear this. I have ravaged her faith once, which she still doesn’t know about, I can’t do that again. Think of her, Ana. She is innocent.”

“So is he, Dan, so is he. We two sunk in the darkness denying everything. For that, I have expiated. Now it is your turn. And you better not refuse me again for this time I will go to her. “

Dr. Daniel Smith was shattered. Anuradha warned her again, “Think well, Dan before you speak.”

“Maa, this is not what I want. I don’t want his acceptance. You have been both for me, so you will be. Even if he accepts me, what will become of it, Maa? I will definitely have a person legitimating my birth but not the father I have always wanted. We will never be inartificial to each other. I will always be his aspersion. I don’t want to ruin his world. Let us be as we are Maa.” He turned to Dr. Smith, “I have just two requests from you, sir.”

Dr. Smith looked on to him.

“I want to hug you even if it is for once. I just want to know how warmth of a father feels like. And I want to have a photograph, with you and Maa by my sides. Don’t you worry, sir, none other than three of us will ever see this photograph. Whenever I will need answers, guidance I will look at the photo.”

Dr. Daniel Smith stood up. Tears rolled down from Anuradha’s eyes. In father’s embrace time stopped for the son.