What is love? How do you know that you are in love? According to various Bollywood movies, you are in love when you feel your heart beating faster than normal. But in all seriousness, what is love? How can we describe it? Is it a feeling? Is it a thought? Is it an emotion?

According to Wikipedia, 'Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.' Is love attraction? Are we in love when we see a particularly good looking man or woman and feel our heart beating fast and hard?

Let us understand what happens in a relationship. Two people meet, get attracted and decide to spend time with each other. Can we describe what they feel for each other as love? Or is it just attraction? Do they know everything about each other? Or are they in love with the person they think their partner is? How do we behave with each other? Do we show the best side of ourselves or do we show all parts of our personality, the good, the bad and the ugly? The reason why many relationships break up within a short time is because the two people don’t know each other all that well. In their courtship period they always try to impress each other by behaving at their best and trying hard not to antagonize the other. But how long can one maintain the façade? How long can one continue to put on an act in fear that the other person will leave you if show your true self?

The constant complaint that married people have about each other is either that their spouse does not change or that they have changed a lot. 'He wasn’t like this earlier,' or 'why doesn’t she change,' etc. are very common complaints which married couples have. This is because they have not truly understood each other. And can love exist when there is a deficit of understanding? Maybe not.  

One of the reasons why the show Big Boss is popular (well at least it was popular a couple of years ago) is because it shows how people react to each other when they are in contact with each other for a prolonged period of time. The first few days are smooth with the contestants getting to know one another. But the real fun begins a few days down the line when the contestants drop the pretence and show their real self. And how do they react to each other then?

Similarly, as I had said before are we in love with somebody because of the way they look or because of their behaviour. And how do we know that their behaviour is genuine? How can we ascertain as to whether they are really as good as they portray themselves to be? I believe that only time will tell. Once you get to know a person, the layers slowly start getting peeled back. Metaphorically speaking, while earlier we would only see the shining white front teeth it is easy to say that you love the other person, but how will you react once you notice the cavity on the molar or the false teeth hiding behind?

I believe that true love is there once you see the worst of the other person and still say that you can live with it for the rest of your life. So, coming back to the question. What is true love? Well, based on my understanding it is simple. True love is understanding and accepting your partner with all their imperfections and faults. It may seem simplistic, naïve and idealistic but I believe that reaching that level of understanding and acceptance requires lots of patience, perseverance and a strong will.

So does it happen that people who truly love each other do not fight? I believe not. I believe that every couple fights and ideally should fight. It is a very good way of getting to know the mindset of each other. So many relationships and marriages break apart because of one misunderstanding or fight.

I believe that couples considering marriage must have at least a couple of major fights before they decide to take the big decision of spending their lives with each other. There is a film called 'License to Wed' starring the late Robin Williams portraying a Priest who makes a young couple go through various tests to ascertain their compatibility with each other. As the couple goes through the tests, tensions rise and fights begin. While the film has only a 7% rating in Rotten Tomatoes, I believe that the movie had a very important message. I believe that the message was – you may love each other, but do you truly understand each other? I think that is something we have to consider in all our relationships – romantic or not.