Sapna Vaid has lived with a unique power for a decade; a power that turned her from a timid, wide-eyed, college-going girl into the most influential and powerful Goddess on Earth. This book tells us Sapna's story and her struggle with life.

Excerpts from Sapna’s Diary (January 2001–September 2001).
This is not a comprehensive list of entries. Only relevant entries have been chosen.

27th January 2001
Dear Vikrant,
I am really scared at the moment. I really do not know how to explain this. It is completely bonkers and I hope, no I know, there has to be a logical explanation! Has to be!

There was a terrible earthquake in Gujarat yesterday. I saw it happen. In a dream on the 24th. It’s frightening! I remember it so vividly, as if I was there in the middle of it all. It was one of those moments when you cannot tell dreams from reality. . . .

I was standing in front of a multi-storied building in Ahmedabad watching people go about their daily activities. I was so perplexed by my unexpected appearance there that my legs went weak and I walked and sat at a bus stop which was a few metres away. At that time, I had no idea that I was in Ahmedabad but I knew when I woke up.

After a while, there was a deafening rumbling and everything around me started shaking. People started screaming and running. All the vehicles stopped. I saw people scramble out of all the buildings around me. And then the multi-storey in front of me collapsed. I heard so many people inside it scream as it went down. A cloud of cement and debris flew towards me and I quickly tried to duck and cover my mouth. But none of it touched me. It went through me.

I was there but not there. That is when I realised it was a dream. I will never forget that collective scream. It was like the last cry of the dying building. I can still hear it.

I woke up with a headache the next day. I convinced myself that it was just a bad dream and tried to block it but it kept haunting me. And then on Republic Day, as Mom, Dad and I rushed out when the earthquake struck, my legs were trembling not because of the fear of what was happening but what I had seen two days back. The earthquake was so powerful that we had like massive jolts even in Delhi.

About twenty thousand people were dead in Gujarat and four lakh homes destroyed. Fifty buildings collapsed in Ahmedabad alone.

I went to the internet café the next day and read a lot about premonitions. I found out that what was happening to me was not something unusual, although there was no scientific explanation for it. My head was pounding by the time I came back home. Mom kept asking me why I looked so disturbed when we went to the terrace after dinner. I told her everything. She said it was alright and I should not worry too much about it, that sometimes dreams show us glimpses of the future. She had premonitions herself but they were mostly related to the next day’s question paper in her college exams but she could never remember the questions when she woke up. I forced a smile.

I told her that a lot of people have premonitions but they do not remember anything when they wake up. I, on the other hand, remember this one like the present wakeful moment. It was so lucid! Mom hugged me and asked me not to think too much about it. She told me that she will put almonds in my cornflakes from now onwards. She tried to calm me down.

Vikrant, I can’t push the dream out of my mind. So many people dead, so many families destroyed. Why? And why was I made a witness to all the destruction?

9th March 2001
Dear Vikrant,
I saw my eleventh dream last night. I won’t write about it. I am sick and tired of talking about deaths with Mom, Dad and Saahil. I am tired of sitting for hours in front of a computer and trying to figure out why this is happening to me.

Last night, I woke up screaming. Mom and Dad ran into my room and saw me cowering in a corner drenched in sweat.

When I told Saahil about the Gujarat earthquake, he had this incredulous look on his face. Like Mom, he too tried to pass this off as a one-off event. But now when I have narrated eleven dreams of deaths, he is as worried and scared as I am. Dad still believes that there has to be a logical explanation.

13th May 2001
Dear Vikrant,
The count is fifteen now. I don’t know what to do. I hardly sleep. Saahil says I look like a ghost and I need to see a doctor. There are dark circles under my eyes. They water all the time because of lack of sleep. I have this constant terrible headache. Initially, I was not even sure that my dreams were premonitions. They seemed random, like the dreams that you get after watching a violent movie or reading a thriller. Sometimes there is a car crash, sometimes a fire, sometimes a boat capsizes—all sort of things happening to people I don’t know. And I am there watching everything, unable to help.

Most of the times, I just closed my eyes and covered my ears so that I couldn’t hear the screams. I have started visiting the internet café and digging out information about the deaths. I don’t know how but each time I know where the accidents have happened. I read the local news portals of those countries and always find out what I had seen to be true. I have started keeping a log. I found out that it wasn’t always that the accident happened the next day. Sometimes there was a gap of two-three days between my dream and the real deaths. Sometimes, the death happened within hours. . . .

It is sickening. I don’t faint when I see blood, but seeing a human wither to death oozing rivers of blood is too unnerving. Some nights are peaceful, but then there are nights when I force myself to be awake fearing another calamity. Unsuccessfully.

1st July 2001
Dear Vikrant,
No dreams since the last two months. I am feeling a bit refreshed. I have been sleeping well but the fear is always there at the back of my mind. I am praying that the dreams do not return and leave me alone.

Let’s talk about something else. Saahil is such an absolute idiot. He was operating a betting racket with Mom behind my back. Can you believe that? Every day without my knowledge, he and our lovely mother would place bets on the telephone. If I finish my bowl of cornflakes, Mom would win. If I didn’t, Saahil would win. How dare they? My mother was actually trying to win a bet and here I thought she was really bothered about my health! Dad is fine. He rescued me many times although he had no idea that he was making his wife lose.

I came to know of this fraud a few days back when Mom hurriedly slammed the phone down when she saw me enter the room. When I confronted her, she said it was a wrong number. Some lunatic who thought this was 1942 was asking for Mahatma Gandhi, she explained. I was very suspicious because I think I heard the word ‘cornflakes’ before the call was quickly disconnected. The next day, I pretended to sleep after coming from college. The call came at around five and I leaped out of my bed and put my ear to the door and heard everything. My nastiest fears were validated!

“Ok. Ok. I lost. I know. I will pay you when you visit our home,” Mom said. Then the guy on the other side said something and Mom laughed.

“Yes, that is the correct amount that we have to settle for the past one week,” she said after a pause. “Oh come on, Saahil! I know you are winning but, you know, don’t give me tips. You have no idea what I go through every morning. And my husband is not much of a help either. I am thinking of confiding in him, you know. The only problem is I might have to share my winnings and I am not comfortable with that,” she said. “What do you mean I hardly win?” she said after hearing the baboon on the other side.

I froze when I heard Saahil’s name. My head was swimming! My eyes were wide and I put my hand onmy mouth and slid down the door like they show in the movies. My own mother and boyfriend betraying me like this, turning me into a game of cards? I felt like a racing horse.