I heard his muffled footsteps on the staircase. He was coming to me, he was looking for me. I am controlling the impulse to bolt the door because it’s important not be disturbed while I am reading my favourite novel, The Time Traveller’s Wife. But there he was standing in front of me with his huge belly. I would never prefer having a man like that on my bed. He was drunk and clenching a cigarette carelessly in between his lips. As he shuffled closer to me, I sat there looking at him steadily, loathing my fate yet again for the hundredth time that day. Oh no, I have not had hundred men in a day. That would tear me off, literally! He fell and I smile at my own joke. The timing was impeccable. “What are you smiling at, you slut?” he asked. I smiled again. It only irritated him more. The smell of sweat and alcohol filled my room. How I wish I could get rid of him. I sigh when he almost fell over me and started kissing me on my lips, neck and everywhere possible. The smell of him was disgusting. I wanted to puke but no, I need him, I need the money and so I stay. I stay as his huge belly gets on top of me and presses my body. I feel the heaviness and the pain. And soon we were done. He did not even remove my clothes and he was getting ready to leave. I lay there on the bed, the pain still not gone. A drop of tear rolling down my eyes as I see the silhouette of the huge figure leave my room cussing how boring ‘it’ was. I laugh at my fate now, mostly at his words.

I have had all kinds of men – the ones who want me on the top, the ones who just want to play with me but not have actual sex, the ones who would just ask me to strip and masturbate and then the ones who would masturbate on me. I have had the kinds who just want to talk how they would do me. I have had men who come but do nothing; they watch me remove my clothes and want me to sit naked in front of them as they talk about life. How I wish I had a man who would change this for me! I wonder if there would be someone who would do this. I wish I had a man who would come to my room and change the meaning of sex for me. Who would rid me of the pain and show me the path to ecstasy, the elixir. Where do I go find a man like that? Now, I don’t have the luxury to be choosy here. After all, it’s my living. Like the huge-bellied man called me, I am a slut. I sleep with men for a living. I take it when they physically abuse me and pay me more. I take it when they hurt me and pay me more. I have to act like I like it when they exploit my body and my feelings because they pay me more! The house pays me more when I strip in front of hundred men in the room. They bid on almost 500 women who stay in the house making a living out of prostitution. Men still get to choose who they want to be with. They have an upper hand in everything. They can hurt us and simply pay more. And there is a part of the world that is screaming for equality while there is another that is debating that we have already secured it. Funny isn’t it?

Oh! I said I have had all kinds of men, haven’t you started guessing my age yet? You wouldn’t! You are busy concentrating on the indelicate parts of this narration. You are concentrating on the words that would arouse you! Why do you care about the age of the woman who is writing it? But I am still going to go ahead and tell you my age. I am at the age where every woman craves to feel a man inside of her, where she is curious to explore the parts of a man, to know what excites him, to know what turns him on, to know what makes him moan. I am at the age where hot men turn women on. Where women can make a man follow her like a puppy and make him dance to her tunes! Actually, my mother says a woman is capable of doing anything. How ignorant of her! In my world, men are capable of anything. They can make or break my world. If they think I am boring, ugly, not interesting or uncooperative, I am out of the game. In my world, if I am quick, witty, and brainy or have a mind of my own, I am out of the game. Do you even know a world like mine exists?

I did meet a man I fell in love with. Oh! How stupid of me to fall in love! I must be mad to say things like this. But I did fall in love. He had come to the house one day. He thought I had beautiful, deep dark eyes like the black hole. I don’t know what that meant. But I liked the fact that he felt that there is something mysterious about my eyes and he loved my long tresses. He said, he would love to hide under the shelter of those long tresses. Oh well, he was flirting with me. Men rarely flirt with me like this. It was subtle. I smiled and he smiled too. I asked him what he liked to do and he said he just wanted to talk. Now, I have come across such men too. Oh! The chatting type. I tell him. He guffaws and holds my hand. ‘What do you want to do?’ he asked. I looked at him, surprised. He returned the same surprised look. I smiled and said, ‘If you want to chat I want to chat too, if you want to kiss, I can kiss, if you want me to remove...’ he placed his long, slender index finger on my lips and shook his head.

‘I asked what do you want to do?’ he smiled again and held my hand.

My stomach lurched and I was surprised by that question. No one respected me as much! I have not met a man like him. I told him that I want to talk too, that I want to know more about him. He told me that he was a software engineer who lived across the street and that he sees me every evening sitting by the balcony reading books. ‘I love books too. They are my companions. I have a huge library at home. You should come see someday,’ he said inspecting the room and the bookshelf sitting in one corner.

‘Are you allowed to come out of this dungeon?’ he asked looking around.

‘No. Although I wish there was a way. I want to see this world,’ I told him hoping against hope that he would take me out of this place.

‘Hmmm...The Kite Runner, And the Mountains Echoed, The Book Thief, Kafka... wow! You’ve got quite some taste,’ he said running his slender, manly fingers through the spine of the books.

‘Why are you here?’ I asked bluntly trying to tie my hair.

‘Don’t,’ he signalled me to stop. ‘I paid to spend this night with you and you are supposed to listen to me so don’t tie your hair,’ he said and I laughed. He came closer and my heart stopped for a tiny second. He sat facing me looking at my face without blinking. Light brown eyes, lengthy eye lashes, pink lips, sharp nose, a couple strands from his hair dangled over his forehead, his broad shoulders and chest, he was very handsome but... ‘Oh my God!’ I yelped as he came closer to kiss me.

‘What?’ he looked startled.

‘You are gay, aren’t you?’

‘What?’ he looked puzzled.

‘You are gay!’ I asked holding his shoulders only to see him laugh hysterically. He laughed for a good five minutes embarrassing me. I admired him.

‘You look gorgeous when you are confused, do you know that?’ he asked moving a strand of hair from my cheeks. I blushed and felt it. A man, the man who made me blush! He told me that he loved to play with the codes; pages and pages of complex codes that are used to build various products that are used in various places to do various things. He spoke about his parents, his brother and his ex girlfriend. He told me how they broke up and tears filled his eyes. I asked him what I could do to make him feel better and he asked me to just sit with him, holding his hand. I did. He held my hand tight and told me that he had a passion for music and his guitar was his life but how much his father hated him for playing it. He said he is a rebel and showed me a tattoo that read “Freedom”. He asked about me and what I liked. He did not ask me how I ended up here or why. He asked me about my family. We spoke about everything under the sky. He liked most of the things I did – the silence of the night, its darkness, the sky, the beautiful stars, the rain and a hot cup of coffee. He told me that he loved long bike rides and that he would take me on rides. How I wish!

He told me that he could paint and showed me his paintings on his mobile phone. He showed a portrait of me sitting in the balcony reading a book. He then showed many portraits of me smiling, crying, waiting, anticipating – the expressions on my face on paper differed from one portrait to other. For a minute, I thought he was a magician. I was astonished and ran out of words. ‘I look beautiful,’ I smiled.

‘I started drawing you to pass my time and then I think I eventually fell in love with you. Do you want to come with me?’ he asked me casually tucking his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. I laughed. I laughed and then I cried and laughed again. He looked confused.

I knew I was falling in love with him. How silly of me to fall in love with a normal person. He is from an upper middle class family with a proper upbringing while I was pushed into this business to beat poverty. I lost my parents to fate and famine. I lost myself here and now I am losing myself to him. As night fell and dawn set in, he pulled me closer and kissed my lips, the lips that many men have kissed a million times. But this kiss felt different. This kiss had passion, longing and...love in it. Was this even happening? I tried to wake up but no I was awake. I heard the door being knocked. We looked at the door. It was time for him to leave.

‘Will you come with me?’ he asked me holding my hands.

‘I am...you know who I am!’ I said my tears brimming my eyes.

‘I do and I want you to be with me, as my wife! I am sure about this,’ he said and the knock at the door became louder.

‘I belong here not with you. Your family will not accept me. I don’t even know you,’ I cried trying to smile.

‘You don’t belong here and I know it. You know it too. Let’s talk as individuals first! Come with me! I promise you. I can give you a better life!’ he pleaded. I ran and opened the door.

He stood there breathing heavily. I was not sure if it was anger or sadness. He looked me in the eyes as I lowered my gaze to the floor. ‘I will come back,’ he said as he left the room. I shut the door immediately. My heart urging me to follow him like a puppy, my mind asking me to calm down. I stood there torn apart hoping he would come again. I ran to the balcony and saw him leaving the house. As he turned to see me I looked at him. He smiled and I waved to him. I smiled. I will come back he mouthed. I was not sure if he will come back but I knew he fulfilled my wish. I finally met the man!