The lights were shining in my crystal blue eyes. My dad had the same color eyes as me. My fingers were swelling up and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was like there were 10 nuts stuck in my throat.   I felt like the world was spinning 100 miles per hour. All I could see was dad's face, how disappointed he would be in me. I miss Dad so much. The pain is bigger than anyone can even imagine.  My dress, which was cotton candy pink, suddenly looked black. I need my glasses because I can not see anything. My eyes hurt so much it feels like I am crying bloody tears. I could feel blood going to my brain. It hurts so much.  I suddenly saw the audience watching me. In one seat  I saw dad just sitting there. His face has been haunting me. I thought to myself to snap out of it. I wanted the hallucinations and all of the pain in my life to stop.  I know deep down that the pain would never stop, it would only grow. Now, I felt butterflies getting tighter and tighter in my stomach. It was like vines twirling up and going into a ball. It was like thorns were going into my skin. My red painted fingernail fell off and pain struck me. It felt like it was cut off by a knife. Then, I felt everything slowing down. I saw the clock tick, and the light flicker. I also saw the people run off stage. I saw the bullies in the crowd laughing as hard as they could until they couldn’t anymore. I had a headache. The pain was growing  and growing each second. The prop fell off the stage and shattered. The prop was no ordinary prop. It was dad's prop I brought in. It shattered. It was the music box my grandma gave to dad. A tear slipped down my cheek. Then everything did not feel slow anymore. It just felt normal. Then I fell to the ground and I saw dad looking at me. He had a big smile and then my eyes shut. That is not where my story begins. Let me show how it all started.   This is my story of what happened.

My name is Brielle Susine. I live in Kentucky with my mom. You are probably wondering  where my dad is. He is dead and I like to believe he is in heaven with Meme. Dad died 6 months ago from a heart attack. Mom just took me to see Uncle Jay's new office. I am excited to see him because he is so cool. He was with my dad when he died. He didn't tell me the details. To tell you the truth I don’t want to know.  I know he told Mom. Then I feel a dark feeling as I walk up, it looks dark and scary. The building is narrow and tall. I walk in the building with my mom by my side. It smells like the odor from a garbage can. My heart is thumping and my ears hurt like crazy. All I hear is buzzing. I start to pick my fingers and they start to bleed. We go up the glass elevator and my eye starts to twitch. Mom pulls me to the room that we go into. The lights are off but the lamp is on. In the room it smells like roses. There is a pretty woman with a cream dress on. She has emerald earrings that match her eyes.

I thought to myself Why would Dr. Hemla be excited to see me? I walked out because I didn’t want to talk about my dad.  The door is still open so I decided to yell at mom.

“Mom, how could you trick me? I thought you loved me,” I yell.

“Honey I do. It’s just that-”

I run out of the room. I am furious at my mom for tricking me. I thought we were going to see my uncle’s new office. A tear rolls down my cheek and I can smell the odor again. Instead of my fingers bleeding this time, they turn a bluish purple color. My heart is shattered and I can’t take the pain anymore. My life is terrible. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Mom came outside and told me to get in the car. I thought to myself, where are we going? We drove past town. It started to rain but then all of a sudden the sun came out. Thirty minutes later we weren New York.

“Mom, what are we doing?” I asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see honey, you’ll see,” she told me like she was going to cry.

I don’t know what that was supposed to mean. What is really going on I tought? We pulled up to a graveyard.

“Oh Mom, I know. We're going to see Meme’s gravestone,” I told her.

Mom did not respond. The grass was pure green. There was no brown.  The sky was a nice blue color and the sun was shining on me. It felt really nice. There were flowers on the ground that smelled like perfume. We got out of the car and picked some roses full of vibrant  colors. I remember when I went here with dad and did the same thing. We picked roses for Meme. Meme died from cancer a few years back. My mom's parents died. My dad's mom is dead but we don’t have a relationship with his dad. I know it is really sad. I wish I had a relationship with him.  We started walking and the air was hissing. As we walked I got sadder and sadder. I felt like a part of me was missing. When we walked the air was blowing at me harder. At least that's what it felt like. My feet hurt. Then mom finally stopped at a stone. Meme’s stone was there but next to it was dad’s. It was dull. Then I touched it and it felt dusty and hard. It is nice that dad was buried next to Meme, I guess.

“Why did you take me here?” I asked Mom.

“You needed to see this,” she remarked.

 I put down the roses. The stone had engraved words in it and it etched Quinlan Susine. Below it etched, A loving father and husband.  We stood in silence under the beautiful sky for 20 minutes and then we rode home. The car ride felt long because we did not talk the whole time. 

Later that night we had dinner. We just sat there in silence. We were eating macaroni and cheese with potato salad. My mom was never a good cook. My dad was the one who was the cook. Before my dad became a cook he was an actor. It is kinda cool. He saw Anastasia on broadway with his mom and then he was casted in the play. My dad worked at a fancy restaurant downtown as the head cook.

“Honey I am sorry. Maybe it was too soon to get you help,” mom whispers in a soft tone. “You should not be the one talking. You were the one who drank 7 bottles of wine in a week when dad died. After you were done with every glass you threw it at the wall.  You’re the one who needs help now. You weren’t there for me when dad died when I needed you most in my life. All you are is a crap mom,” I scream.

I run up to my room and slam the door and scream. Maybe I do need help but I definitely can not admit it. I feel really bad so I decide to go to mom’s room and apologize. Of course there she is in her bed drinking wine. She is an alcoholic and doesn't even realize it.

”Mommy,” I just wanted to say I am sorry,” I told her. Then she drank another sip of her wine.  It looks expensive. She probably is wasting all her money on wine. I always say mommy when I am trying to apologize to her.

“Brielle. you are right I wasn’t there for you like I should have been,” she told me.

I hop on her bed and snuggle with her and she kisses my forehead. I am not going to mention this night ever again because it will just make me and mom sad. It will also make her feel bad for not being there for me when dad died.

The next morning it was Monday and I had school. I still feel bad for what I said to mom.  I rolled out of bed and put on a skirt and a pink sweater.  I put on my worn out white socks. I wanted to put on my vans that dad gave me for my birthday before he died. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth with my minty toothpaste. I put some blush on my cheeks. I also straightened my hair. It was all over the place. I did this because I wanted to look pretty for the day. I went downstairs and packed up my bag and made sure that I didn’t forget my LA homework. I poured some cherrios into a bowl and gobbled it up. It was pretty good. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and the bus was waiting for me outside. I ran outside and got on the bus. When I stood there looking for a seat it felt like forever. In the back were the cool kids. In front of them were the mean girls. Then it was the nerdy boys and the band geeks. Then in front of the bus was Luke and Julie. They were worse than the mean girls. They were devils.

“Brielle come to sit with us,” Julie blurted out. Then she waved her hand.

I sat down in the three seater.

“Omg. Your outfit is fab. Wait is that blush from Ulta Beauty. Wait, your vans are beautiful. Your hair looks fab straight. Did I tell you I love your highlights?” She told me.

This is what she was really thinking. Your outfit is ugly. Is your blush from a garbage can? Ew, your vans are terrible. Your hair is ugly straight. By the way, highlights look terrible on you and fabulous on me. She told me those nice things about me because she wants to be my friend. I only thought that she thinks those things about me because I don't like her.

We arrived at school and I walked to my locker. I put my backpack in and grabbed a binder. Then I headed to Chemistry. I sat down at my table. Behind me Felicia is chatting away. 

“So class today-”

“Can  I go to the bathroom?” I interrupted.

“Go,” the teacher sneared. Then she rolled her eyes.

I walked to the unisex bathroom. When I am in the bathroom  I go on my phone to snapchat. I saw Julie's friend request on snapchat. I pressed the ignore button. I walked out of the bathroom and went the long way back to class. I passed the auditorium and I saw there were auditions for Anastasia the musical. I thought to myself that I want to audition but my stage fright and depression. It might make me more depressed if I audition because Dad was in the musical Anastasia years ago on Broadway. I decide to try out I will try out and see what happens. I sign my name on the audition sign up sheet.

The day felt long but it was time to audition. I walk in the auditorium. There are two women there. I am guessing one of them is the music director and one of them is the acting director. I thought to myself that I am just going to do this and have fun. I will get over my fear. On the other hand there are butterflies flying around in my stomach and I almost gage. Then I see a girl auditioning. This girl was amazing. I recognize her but I forgot where I know her from and then I remember she is in my chemistry class. She's the one who is really chatty. She was singing Journey to the Past. Her singing was fantastic. She wasn’t just standing there but she was acting out the story while singing it. I am impressed and also a little intimidated. The director called the next person up and that was me. I walked up on the stage. The curtains were blue. The directors were looking right at me.  

“Hello my…..My name is Brielle Susine. I will be auditioning to be Anastasia. I am singing the song Journey to the past,” I say nervously. 

“Go ahead,” the director,” told me so kindly. 

“Heart, don't fail me now! Courage, don't desert me! Don't turn back now that we're here, I sang”

I can’t do this, I thought. The lyrics just came out of my mouth though.

“People always say life is full of choices. No one ever mentions fear! Or how the world can seem so vast.”

I am actually doing this. This music is pouring out of my mouth and the directors seemed impressed! I kept singing and singing and I was proud of myself.

“Back to who I was, On to find my future. Things my heart still needs to know. Yes, let this be a sign! Let this road be mine! Let it lead me to my past And bring me home… At last!” I exclaimed.  Then I started to act out the song with my hands.

They clapped so much and it sounded like a whole audience.

“Should I do the monolog now,” I asked? Then I bit my lip.

“No,” she yelled because she was excited. The she smiled.

I knew this was a mistake, they did not like how I sounded. I squeezed my hand. Why would she be excited?

“You sang it so beautifully and the moment I heard you sing I knew you had to be the lead,” she told me, 

I can’t believe she was astonished by my singing. A smile appeared on my face. I thanked the director and walked out of the theater. The girl in my class gave me a look when I came out. I don’t even care if I got the lead role in the play.  I am so excited to tell mom!

“Mom, I got the lead in my musical,” I screamed.

“You're not doing it and that is the end of our conversation,” mom blurted. Then her eyes widened.

“You know what mom. You can’t control my life,” I screamed because I was upset. Then I stormed up to my room.

I went to my bed and started to sob until tears would not come out anymore. I am starting to get angry. I punched the wall causing a small hole. Holy moly, mom is going to be so mad. Then I realized that my hand was bleeding. I went to the bathroom and under the sink were alcohol pads. I opened the wrapper and cleaned up the blood on my hands. It stings. I yelp. I take a deep breath and I put a bandaid on my hand. I stormed downstairs to have a conversation with my mom. We need to talk.

“Mom, we need to talk, I scolded as my hand started to go into a knuckle.

“I said that you're not doing the musical, '' mom snapped.  Then my mom sighed as she continued to wash the dishes.

“Why?”.

“Hon, sit down. There is something that you don’t know. You don’t just have depression because dad died. That is part of it.  Dad had depression and we took you to a doctor and he said it is possible it’s genetic,” she sighed.

“Really, I ask?” Then I looked mom in the eye.

“Yes. There is more to it. You never knew how dad really died. You thought that he had a heart attack but really he died from depression.

“I don’t know what to say,” I cry with despair in my eyes.

“You know that your dad was a chef but before that he was an actor. Your dad was about to go onstage. Before he went on he was in the dressing room and he was depressed. I don't know why though. Before he could get outside of the dressing room he had an outbreak because of his depression. I’m afraid the same thing will happen to you that happened to your father. I guess if you love acting and you promise to tell me if you are getting too depressed and you can’t control it you will tell me,” mom told me. Then mom gave me a hug.

“Okay mom I promise. Thank you so much,” I screamed in excitement. Then I gave  her another hug.

It was time for school and I was in such a good mood. I got up and sang into my tooth brush like I was a popstar. I put on some leggings and a t-shirt. I went downstairs and  ate  a  banana. I got on the bus and I saw Julie.

“Brielle came to sit with us,” Julie yelled over to me with a bright smile.

“Oh just shut up, '' I snapped. Then I snuck in a smile.

I still needed a spot to sit. Oh my God where am I going to sit.  I see this boy sitting down and looking at me.

“Hey ,come sit with me,” he whispered because he was shy.

I walked over to where he was. It felt like forever there. I was breaking a sweat. My heart was thumping. I was nervous to meet him. What if he doesn’t like me? I sat down.

“Hey, I’m Luke. I play Dimitry in Anastasia. Congrats on getting the lead by the way,” he proclaimed.

“What is your motivation, Donny? No boy or girl has ever had an interest in me,``I yell with a fierce spirit. Then I looked him in the eye to make sure he would fear me.

“It is um Luke,” he told me.

I did not talk to him the rest of the ride. What have I done? The one person that actually wanted to talk to me I bullied. I guess deep down I said this because I was to afraid to open up.

-1 Month Later- The Day before Christmas Eve- 

 All everyone has been talking about is Christmas. I hate it. It is because dad won’t be here. My mom is Jewish and I’m bat mitzvahed. My dad was Christian so we celebrated Christmas too. This year Christmas and Hanukkah are on the same night. I heard someone in the hall say that they're going to Hawaii for Christmas .They are so lucky. I want to escape from my life and just enjoy paradise. Today is the first rehearsal for Anastasia and I am really nervous about a few things. I have stage fright and I will get scared to act and sing in front of everyone. I also will see Luke for the first time since I bullied him. Blocks 1 through 6 happen really quickly and it’s time for block 7, my favorite part of the school day. art. In art I can express the way I am feeling through drawing or painting. When I walk up to the door it says that the art teacher will not be there today and that it is a free period. I am disappointed but worse things can happen in life. I walk to the library to just sit there and do nothing. I decided to take a nap and set an alarm on my phone to wake up for rehearsal. I wake up and feel refreshed and then my alarm goes off. The librarian gives me a dirty look. Oops I forgot that I’m in a library I thought to myself.  It is 2:15  and time for rehearsal. I walk to the auditorium which is right across the hall. Everyone is there already so I take a seat on the stage.

“Here are your scripts everyone” Ms. Felicia, the director tells everyone.  Then she smiled at me.

When I got the script I started to highlight my lines. The script was cool. It was in a booklet. 

“Luke and Brielle, please turn to page 58 and do that scene,” Ms. Felcia tells us.

Everyone was watching me and I was nervous and scared. The walls looked like they were falling. It felt like my whole world was crumbling. 

“I can’t do this, I'm sorry, '' I mutter.

I ran to the library and sat in the corner crying. I thought I could handle having a lead role in the play. Then I heard a familiar voice calling out to me. Oh my gosh it is Luke.

“Brielle. Brielle where are you?” he whispered

He found me. He found me crying.

“Brielle are you okay? Please tell me why you don’t like me, he asked.

“Luke to tell you the truth you are so nice and sweet but it’s just that-”

“What,” he asked?

“I can’t tell you the rest. I'm sorry, '' I snapped.

“I guess that's fine,” he sighed. Then he sat down next to me in silence.

We walked back to the auditorium.

“Okay, I have a special announcement. Julie is our stage manager,” Ms. Felicia exclaimed with an energetic smile.

“Ms. Felicia. I know Brielle was like besties,” she told her.

“Oh that's great. It is always nice to feel like a family here, Ms.Felicia beamed. Then she gave Julie a headset. My whole world is over.

It was 8:00 at this time and I’m at home. Then mom comes in with a gift for me.

“Sweet pee. Dad wanted to give this to you on Christmas Eve when you are 13,'' Mom admitted.

It was in a small box.  The wrapping paper was a metallic red with a white bow on top . It smelled nice and fresh. There was a card in a pink envelope that had my name written in fancy letters. It also had roses on the envelope 

Dear Brielle,

Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy this special gift. I love you so much.

Love, Dad

I unwrap my gift and the box is black. I open it slowly and there is a heart necklace. It is silver and shiny. It also has a nice peppermint smell for some reason. On the back it says  I love you so much. Love Dad. 

“I love it mom. Thank you. Can you help me put this necklace on. ” I ask. Then I smiled at her.

Mom put the necklace on me and then she walked out of my room. It felt so good to wear something dad gave me. I think I am going to have a good sleep tonight. I go to the mirror and see it . It is really pretty. Dad has a good  sense of taste. I jump back on my bed. 

“Dad, I miss you. I love you so much. I just can’t touch your stuff. I took down all of your pictures in my room. It just hurts too much to look at them. Dad wherever you are just know that I love,” I say and put my night cap on and closed my eyes.

I go downstairs and the living room and kitchen is decorated for Christmas. It is like a winter wonderland. There is fake snow on the tree with sparkly blue and white ornaments. There is a Santa tablecloth on. the table. It smelled like peppermint. And I felt relaxed. There are stockings and 1 gift under the tree. I can’t believe mom did this for me.

“Good Morning sweetie. Merry Christmas. Okay I want to give you a gift. I couldn’t wait till later ,” mom told me. 

Under the tree is a big square box. I unwrap it and it is a puppy in a cage. My heart is thumping because of my excitement, and not my nerves. She was so cute. She was a golden doodle. She was furry and had adorable eyes. She smelled really cute and had an elf costume on. That is so cute.

“Mom. thank you so much,” I yell in excitement. Then I unlock the cage and I lay down and the puppy  is jumping all over me. I pet her and kiss her. I am so happy.

“Honey. I have to run some errands. I'll be back as soon as possible,” mom told me.

I don't even care that she is leaving on Christmas because I am so happy I got a dog.

“Puppy, I am going to call you Bailey. I love you Bailey,¨I tell her.

I throw a tennis ball and she runs and brings it back to me. I love my dog. We play for hours because I love her so much. She is the cutest thing in the world! I think things will be good for once since dad died.

 -The Day of the Show-

It is the day of the show and I am nervous. In my room it smells like perfume and nice. I am going to put on a dress because I want to look nice today. I want to look nice for the day of the show. This afternoon we are performing for the whole school. I am excited but also nervous. I go to my closet. What should I wear? What dress? Oh this one is definitely the 0ne. It was a black dress with a puffed out sleeve. The dress feels soft and is silky. I put on my leather boots and put on the necklace I got for Christmas. I go to the bathroom and put on some lip gloss and blush. I straighten my hair. Oh no I forgot to shower. What if people call me stinky. To be honest I am hard on myself. Oh well. I put on some deodorant so no one can tell I didn’t shower.  I go downstairs and pop a muffin in my mouth and mom drives me to school today. Mom and I went in the car. I hate cars. The car smells like odor and is broken down. The color of it is black and it has scratches all over it. 

¨Brielle, I know you must be nervous but I want to let you know that your dad would be so proud of you and the woman you're becoming,”mom exclaimed to me. Then she reached back and put out her hand for me to hold. 

Her hand was soft and cold at the same time. Mom was still wearing her wedding ring dad gave her. 

T̈hanks mom,”I sigh with disappointment because dad is not watching the show. 

I thought to myself, who will be watching me? Will people laugh at me? Everyone in the school will be watching me. I tried not to think about that right now. I am at school now and mom does not say goodbye to me so I don't say goodbye back. I walk into school and I notice the lockers are getting old and it smells bad. The floors are waxed and polished.  I walk into the class and it feels like everyone is staring at me. I walk to my seat and the loud speaker makes a beeping sound.

“Ättenion students, whoever is in the play please report to the auditorium,” Ms. Felicia broadcasted.

I walk down and my heart starts to thump and my palms start to sweat. It feels like it is taking forever to get to the auditorium but I finally get there. Everyone looks nervous. 

“Attention, go to the dressing rooms to get your clothes on. Also break a leg,” Ms. Felicia stated.

Then she pointed to the dressing room. I had never seen the dressing room before. It is fancy. There are mirrors with bright pink lights around them. There are red carpets and curtains to change. I haven't seen my dress before and it was stunning. It was reddish-pink. On the top part of the dress were gems on it. There was a gold zipper on the back. The dress was silk and the sleeves were perfect. I went to put the dress in the dressing room. It is kind of hard to put on though. When it is on I feel amazing. All my nerves go away. You know when it snows and it feels magical. That is how I feel in the dress. 

“Attention actors and actresses go to your places,” Ms. Felicia told the cast and crew..

My nerves come back again. I try to push them down and put them in a box and it works. I hear Ms. Felicia go on stage and say how hard everyone is working. She thanked a few people. I have to find Luke. When I tried to apologize it wasn’t an apology. I don’t want to go on stage with things being weird between us. Well I have a scene by myself before me and Luke are on together but after my scene I don’t have time to look for him when I  am done.

“Luke, where are you?” I whispered.

I can’t find him. What am I going to do? I think where would Luke be? Think come on. I am on in 5 minutes in the same scene as Luke. I know where Luke would be. He would be in the boys dressing room. Oh no. The boys dressing room. All the boys would be in there. That would be embarrassing for me to just barge in there. I finally arrive at the dressing room and knock. I hear chattering. My heart is thumping. My chest expands, and my eye starts to twitch. I start to get sweaty. Holy moly. Then Luke comes out of the dressing room. His shoes are brown and they are polished nicely. He has black slacks. They look nice on him. He also has a white and brown checkered button down dress shirt with brown  buttons. His sleeves are rolled up nicely. He has a vest on which is brown and also has some white in it. His hair is combed so nicely. He also has a briefcase in his hand.  It is brown. His hand looks nice and soft. He has on a beret. It suits him.

 “You look beautiful and your dress is stunning,” he blurted out.

 “You look beautiful too,” I tell him.

 “What do you want,”he demanded.

“I just wanted to say that I wanted to make things right between us before we go on stage. I know I was about to tell you in the library. The truth is that my life is a disaster. My dad is dead. I suffer from depression. The truth is I want to be your friend more than anything but it is just hard for me to put myself out there and open up. So what do you say? Do you want to be my friend? I asked.

He didn’t say anything, he just gave me a hug. The hug felt so good. I felt relieved. The hug felt like a million years.

“Luke I’m on in 5 minutes,” I told him.

He responds with an okay.  We ran through the back door. It is skinny and dark. I have to squeeze through it to get to the other side of the stage. The backdrop has nasty big spiders nearby. We finally got backstage. There is a bed and a white soft couch. I am on stage with the curtains closed to move the props. I just stand there while the crew is putting the couch on stage, Ms. Felicia is running back and forth with her headset and clipboard and Luke is looking me right in the eye from backstage. I was looking him right in the eye too.. I was looking into his crystal green eyes. Suddenly the curtain opens. As it opens I start to pick my nails. I feel fear start to take over my body and I don't feel like myself anymore. My heart rate speeds up and I look back at him. He looks so confident in himself. He looks at me and whispers and says it is your big moment. I felt like myself again and a smile appeared on my face. I stop picking my nails and straighten my hair. I am about to act and I can't wait. The curtain is fully open and all eyes are on me. I felt nervous but it turned into excitement.  All eyes are on me and the pressure is on.  Then the curtains open and  it feels like I am choking. My fingers are swelling up and my fingernail fell off and I can feel the pain. I see Julie laughing at me and I can not take it. The lights are shining in my eyes and it hurts. I start to cry and I bump into a prop. It is not any prop, it was my dad's prop handed down from his grandmother. It is a special arloom in our family. My dad always told me the story of when he went to see Anastasia on Broadway with his grandmother and she bought him a $100 music box from the gift shop. My heart is shattered. How mad would he be with me if he knew I broke it? This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. My stomach hurts. It is like vines twirling around. I gulp. Then all of a sudden my eyes close and I see Luke looking at me. I wake up and Ms. Felicia and Luke are hovering over me.

“Honey cup, you passed out and have been out for 20 minutes. You have to go back on,” Ms. Felicia tells me.

“Shake it off,” Luke whispers.

“Luke, why are you whispering? I ask.

“Kids stop the chit chat,” Ms. Felicia hollers.

I decided to shake it off. The embarrassment won’t matter when everyone sees how great my song is. I breathe in and out. I walk back onstage. The curtains are still closed and they open and everyone looks like they're about to laugh at me. Then the orchestra starts to play the music and I count myself in for when to sing. And a 1 and 2 and a 1,2,3.

“Heart don’t fail me now. Courage doesn't desert me. Don’t turn back now that we're here,” I sing as my excitement grows.

I keep singing and I feel great. Everyone looks like they are enjoying themselves. “Somewhere down this road I know someone's waiting. Years of dreams just can't be wrong! Arms will open wide. I'll be safe and wanted Finally home where I belong,” I sing.

Each note I sing makes me feel better and better. As I rap up the song people are singing along. I guess they really do love my song. Even Julie looks happy after the way I treated her! My last verse comes up. I am sad my moment for my song is ending but I felt like I crushed my song.

“And bring me home… at last,” I sing  with delight.
Then I see mom waving and Bailey is in her purse. I can't believe it. Mom is here at my show. This is so exciting. The curtains close and I run off stage. Everyone claps quietly for me. They are telling me that I was the best. I walk to the bench to sit down. Luke comes to sit.

“You did amazing,” he yelled.

“Thank you. I appreciate it,” I tell him.

He smiles at me and then gets up because he needs to change in the dressing room. 

Luke and I have to go on stage for our closing scene. I have a blue dress that is sparkly all over. I have a clear cape that goes down to the floor. I have white, silk gloves on my hands and last I have a diamond tiara on. The red curtains open and the lights are in my eyes. There is a boat prop that is brown. In this scene there is no talking. Then the curtains open and Luke and I ride off in a boat. Then the curtains close and the audience claps and whistles. It is like a siren singing in my ear. I feel amazing all over my body.  “Hey Brielle. We’re having a cast and crew party at my house at 4:00pm if  you want to come,” a castmate told me.

I go to the dressing room to change into my regular clothes which are just some white jeans with a flower shirt. I walk off stage and I see mom and Bailey. Mom has a big smile on her face and I walk over to her.

“Sweetie you did amazing,” mom yelled in excitement. Then she handed me pink roses.

“Thank you so much mom. The flowers are so pretty and smell so good,” I exclaimed.

“Hello Bailey,  my sweet pee,” I told her. Then I pet Baliey’s soft head.

“Mom put her hand around me and we walked out of the auditorium. Then I tell mom about the party and she is happy that I am making new friends. Luke is with his family and we walk past each other and smile. When mom and I get to the car she gives me a big hug. We drive home and I go straight to my room to get ready for the party. I put on my dress that is white with long sleeves. I put on my black leather purse around my shoulder and put my hair into a ponytail. Mom is in the garage so I start to walk to the party. I didn’t realize that someone in the cast lived a block away. His house is really nice. Double the size of mine. The door is open and I walk in and someone hands me a punch in a red solo cup. I have never been to a party before so I do not know what to do, to be honest. Luke is not there so I have no one to talk to. If I don’t talk to anyone this party will be terrible, so I decide to go talk to a castmate.

“Hey, I’m Brielle,” I whisper quietly.

“Jenna,” she tells me. Come on, let's talk on the couch,” she tells me.

“Jenna,” I tell her. “It is really nice to meet you.”

“Back at you,” she tells me. Then she chews her gum really loudly. “Have you been into acting for a while?,” I asked her.

“Yeah, since I was 6. I remember my first play was Annie. What about you?” she asked.

“This is my first play.”

“No way you were freaking amazing!”

“Thanks,” I whisper. Then I turn around and blush.

“What highschool are you going to?” I ask.

 “Elton High. It is a school for the arts. Singing, acting, dancing, and writing.”

“No way. I got into that school. We will be going there together! I shout. I am so happy.

We kept chatting away for another hour and then it was curfew already.

“Jenna, I have to go. It is curfew,” I tell her.

She nods and walks me out. I see Julie outside with one of her friends.

“Hey Brielle, your performance was hilarious and pathetic. You are a complete nerd for doing the play. I was only stage manager because it was my only way out of detention. I only pretend to be your friend because your mommy told me to,” she sneers. Then she laughs so hard.

I don’t care what Julie says because I am so happy with how my performance went. I think I know what is going on with Julie. She must be in emotional pain. I want to help her but I don’t know how. I will have to figure that out some other time. For now I am just going to be happy.  I am not going to mention anything to my mom because I don’t need any more trouble in the house. Some people probably think I am upset about messing up at the performance because it was my first play and you make mistakes.  I think things will be good from now on. I made two friends this year. Jenna and Luke. Jenna seems like a really nice person. Maybe I can introduce Luke to her or Jenna to Luke sometime.

It is the next morning and I’m beyond tired. I woke up at 4:00AM and couldn’t go back to sleep.I still can not believe what I accomplished! I performed my first play and I made two new friends this school year. I am starting to think that I am getting over my depression. I walk downstairs and I see mom watching WandaVision. I think it is a marvel show or something. “Brielle, you're up. I wanted to talk to you,``Mom tells me. Then she points to the couch cushion right next to her for me to sit down.

“Mom what is up? I ask.

“Your dad..”

Mom, spit it out,``I tell her.

“Here it goes. Your dad didn’t die, he left us for another woman. He now lives in LA and is married with three kids. Triplets in fact. Please don’t be mad at me,” she says quickly.

“Mom this is a lot to process and I’m furious. I have been depressed because of dad dying. Are you that sick that you made a fake gravestone for dad,``I scream from the top of my lungs.

“Brielle please hear me out,’’ mom whispers.

“No mom. I am tired of hearing your lies,” I scream. “I don’t want to see you ever again.
I run off to my room and lay down. I hear mom sobbing downstairs. I feel so sad and angry. I feel so many emotions. I cry. Puddles of tears are on the floor. I start to shake. My mom and my relationship will never be the same again. I need to find dad and find out the whole story of what happened. I don’t know if I can believe or trust mom ever again. I know I was hard on my mom but that doesn’t make up for all the pain and depression she has caused me. I know for sure that things will never be the same again. The friendships that I made are in the garbage because of what my mom has done. 

“Dad. What am I going to do? I need your help. You were always good with stuff like that. I love you, I say. Things will never ever be the same again.

The End