Like any major tragedy, I accepted my state of anger, denial and then bargaining. Infused with the disappointment of a loveless future, even fashion magazines entertained a sense of persistent expression of grievance. Odd and irrelevant, I felt sympathetic toward my sudden singlehood. I pretended to crunch ice with my back teeth if anyone investigated the demise of my epically long relationship, a self preservation tactic I had mastered. 

Six hundred thirty eight Google searches later, I realized that even the preppy and confident high school crush must've moved on. I waffled, nervously laughed, not ready to auction my number to men on the street yet. I did not want to be compared to a rancid trollop, glowing surreptitiously as I held a more serious slush puppy that Claire had made for me. Claire was fanatically convinced that I needed to take seduction 101 as I obviously was out of practice. She was, now much to my shock, on the phone with Ivan scribbling numbers down and making arrangements of some sort that would've made me blush a decade back. But, today, it made my dishevelled head hurt in style. After all, the transition from the happily ever after with framed family portraits to travelling around the world "alone" with a backpack had to be done in small stages. But my personality demanded me to mask the physical evidence of my emotional turmoil. You could've wrapped me in cellophane and I wouldn't have internalized the horrifying image. Claire's persistent involvement in my so-called social life didn't leave me with much of a private life. I was far away from reality. I was suspiciously questioning the meaning of life and building rapport with my lulled existence. If you could miraculously interpret the whispers in my head, you could participate in the constant monologue that continued to analyse all my relationships even though some were geological era ago. 

Dividing temporal goods, empty future apartment, motion sickness, sudden fear of darkness, introvertedness, desire to scream were part of my new normal. Static buzz of nerves, I groomed with elaborate care as I crushed the blooms with regardless tread. It was my first day as a single survivor with a single serving in a single occupancy home. A single thought struck me which was to escape. But I was not going to do that. Not this time. This time I planned on facing this, invulnerable to fear, prodding along, coloured and showy.