“Push, push, push………….” Was the second thing I heard, the first being my mother’s shout, cry and pain.

Darkness slowly melted as the bright light poured in, to welcome me, to acknowledge my existence. As I peeped at this whole new world around me and took the first breath of air, I realized that I was the reason of my mother’s pain. I started crying. My cry of guilt brought a smile of relief on my mother’s face, knowing that she had successfully brought me in this world.

I don’t know why but nurses looked really excited after hearing me cry. They took me in their hands, showed my blood drained body to my mother and I saw that her tears transformed in a sweet smile within a second.

Then the nurses gave me my first bath. I felt shy, so I cried louder. After all the acrobatics the nurses did out of routine, they finally gave my possession to my mother. That was a strange feeling. I felt enveloped in warmth of love, I felt safe, and I felt alive for the first time.

It felt like being a show piece when everyone came to have a look at me. I kept on crying and they kept on smiling. There was no one who can understand my feeling. I tried to have a look at my mother but she too was enjoying her time. I kept staring at my mother and cried as loud as I could. Hearing me cry, everyone grabbed the opportunity to fill my mother with advices:

“I think he is hungry.” One fat lady sitting next to my mother said.

“I just fed him milk.” My mother answered.

“He must have wet the bed.” One old aunty sitting somewhere in the room said.

One man came and took me in his hand and examined me, there was nothing. I continued crying then this man took the right decision to hand over me to my mother.

Now I was lying on the shoulder of my mother and my head tilted on the opposite side of my mother.

I was amazed to see that I was not alone who took birth today. The room was filled with many mothers and their children. My eyes got pinned on a child whose bed was just next to mine. That child too was crying very loud. I don’t know what attracted me to look towards that child.

Now that child looked at me and stopped crying. I smiled and the child smiled back. We continued looking at each other for a very long time. May be this was the first time I said I love you to her through my eyes and I am sure that she got my message in a split of second because she turned her head away from me. She was feeling shy.

“See, your son is staring at our daughter for so long.” Her mother tried to be friendly to my mother.

“Your daughter is looking like an angel.” My mother said and the talks started but I continued to stare at her and she kept on taking little glances at me.

There was no doubt that we were made for each other and this is how we met for the first time and this journey never stopped.

****

“Raj, your friends are calling you to the ground?” My mother called me from the kitchen. She must have seen the society boys at the ground.

“I am busy.” My mother was furious because of my behavior. I was just ten years old but behaved like a college going boy. My winter holidays had begun and I was not playing at all with other society children.

“Raj, I think you should go and play with your friends.” My mother shouted from the kitchen. Her voice came along with the sound of ‘Tadka’ she gave while making food. The smell of food was fabulous.

“Mom, I have to finish my holiday homework and one more thing, they are not my friends.”

Next day…

I was pretty excited today. I was the first one to come to school. I started rehearsing my essay; I didn’t want any mistake from my end. Today was the big day for me.

As the class started to fill in with strangers, my eyes were searching for my love, Shikha. I was close to tears when I saw her at last. After a long twenty seven days break, she was there again and I could rest my eyes on her. As our eyes met, she felt shy, and that shyness left a smile on her lips which induced the same effect on my lips. What a feeling that was!

She was a shy girl; she never expressed her feeling and talked less. Mrs. Anita, our class teacher reached the class. According to the roll numbers, essay recitation started. I thanked god for putting her roll number before mine. Now the wait was for my roll number.

As she was called to recite, I looked at her and was transfixed; she stood from her bench, adjusted her skirt, then her hair and slowly looking at the paper on which she wrote the essay, moved towards the teacher.

Her eyes again met my eyes and the same shyness took her eyes away from me.

“During my winter holidays I went to my uncle’s house where I ……………” she continued in her sweet and childish voice. I kept on staring her till she reached her bench again.

I was lost in my thoughts, deeply engrossed, when I heard my name being called as if from a far away land. I realized soon, that it was my teacher, calling me to recite what I had written.

I rose from my seat and reached in front of the class. My eyes again met her eyes but this time she seemed to hear me eagerly. I looked at my paper and started:

“I just hate my holidays because it takes me away from my friend. I just hate my holidays because it restricts me from seeing my friend, my best friend, my love Shikha.

During my holidays, I missed her and waited for the holidays to get over. I missed Shikha’s smile, I missed her eyes, I missed …………..” my teacher stopped me in between. I looked at Shikha she was lost in some thoughts; she was lost in my essay.

Her expressions changed in seconds when she saw Mrs. Anita dragging me to the principal’s office. I left my paper on the floor hoping that she will pick the paper and read it. I was on the door of principal when I saw her picking the paper. I was happy.

Principal Sir called my parents and told them everything, while I was being scolded and lectured; I was secretly happy with the thought that Shikha will be reading my essay which was in fact my first love letter to her.

****

Years Later

“I love you.” I said to Shikha while lying on floor of the back stage of our college with her. We both were tired so were just relaxing after everyone had left. We were the organizers of the drama society of our college.

When I noticed that she didn’t respond to what I just said, I took her hand and pressed it with passion and repeated, “I love you, Shikha.”

“I know that, Raj.” She took a pause. She was not in mood. “But my parents still are unaware of that.”

I realized the reason behind this ‘not in mood drama’.

 She was still angry with me for not going to her father to talk about our relationship. Shikha loved her father a lot so she did not want to hide anything from him. She wanted me to talk to him. Although she had already convinced her father regarding our relationship, but he wanted to meet me once and I was really scared, so I always tried to dodge over it.

Shikha knew that now her overacting drama can destroy the moment for both of us, so she finally started talking. “Hey Raj, he just wants to talk to you, nothing else.” She was talking in a tone just like one would talk to one’s pet; she continued, “Be a man, Raj. He’s not going to bite you.”

The entire night I kept self talking and rehearsing, trying to prepare myself to meet Shikha’s father.

“Hello sir. I am Raj. I love your daughter.” This is not working.

“Hello sir. I am Raj. I and Shikha, we both love each other. We can’t live without each other.” Too filmy.

“Pranam pitaji……….” Pitaji, Oh! So clichéd.

Even the mirror was tired now. If he could, he would have definitely killed me for bearing those rehearsals.

Finally the time came.

“What the f**k?” This unparliamentary sentence always blurted out when I tried to be over smart. I was standing in front of Shikha’s door; I wanted to give her surprise that I was ready to meet her father but I myself got surprised to see a big lock hanging on her door.

“Where are you?” I called her. She replied that they were in a restaurant and were on their way back. I sat on the stairs in front of her house.

I was cursing myself when I realized that night is not a good time to meet to the father of your girlfriend. In the mean while I heard a glass fell inside Shikha’s house. I tried to sneak peak though window of her house. I found that some people were inside her house. Thieves, I thought. I thanked god for this opportunity. What a nice way to meet future father in law.

I was planning to attack thieves when I heard a scream from someone’s house. “Theif, theif………”, then the same voice from another house. I was confused how they could see the thieves from such a distance.

Now slowly, the clouds of confusion started moving away from my mind when I saw dozens of men running in my direction. “What the…..” I was the thief for them.

My brain ordered me to run; forget about the real thief, forget about meeting future father in law, just run to save your life.

I knew that I had screwed up everything. I was running furiously down the street till I met with an accident………

The car hit me so hard that I fell on road, bouncing thrice before I finally fell. Sudden immense pain took over all my senses. Then slowly my mind started whisking into a dream, dream of Shikha.

My eyes were slowly shutting. The last scene I remember was of opening of gates of a car. From the driving seat, a well suited worried man came out and from other seat Shikha.

I smiled after seeing her, she cried after seeing me………………………

****

2 years later………

Evening, the most beautiful time of the day. I loved to sit in the children’s park in the evening and see smiles on everyone’s faces. I have learnt a lot in the past few days, one of which is, you always try to search in other’s life, what you are deprived of! Maybe that was exactly what I was doing there.

Today too I took my favorite bench and got lost in children playing around. Suddenly a plastic ball landed on my feet. I took it in my hand and saw a beautiful girl of about 5 or 6 years come running towards me asking for the ball.

“Can I have my ball please?” She said in a very babyish voice.

“No, you cannot have it unless you tell me your name.”

“First you give me my ball, then I will tell you my name.” she knew this game. She was a smart child.

I gave her ball. She started running backwards when I took her hand to stop her.

“Hmmm….. Cheating, tell me your name now.” It felt good to talk with someone after a long time. I had a smile on my face as my heart wept.

“SHIKHA………”she said.

My smile vanished after hearing the name. I let her go. It felt as though my heart would tear apart. This name has taken away everything from me. Every night I see nightmares of this girl; every day I wonder why this name brings live flashes in front of my eyes. WHO IS SHIKHA?????

On the day of accident……

2 years back (From writer’s view)

Shikha and her father took Raj to the hospital. He was critical. After several hours, doctors came out of Operation Theatre with the news that Raj was alright but because of head injuries he had lost his memory.

When Raj refused to recognize Shikha, she felt heartbroken. Her father decided to take her to someplace where she could be away from Raj and his thoughts, for the betterment of both. In the mean while Raj’s parents took him to London, so that he could start life afresh.

***

 (From Shikha’s View……)

I dont know when I fell asleep that night…..

“Believe me Raj, you’ll be fine.” I was holding his hand and was dragging him in the rain.

“You know me Shikha, I don’t bathe in rain.” He was resisting himself from drenching in the rain.

We were standing in a bus stop when it started raining. I loved rain as it gave me more time to spend with Raj before going home from college.

“Do you believe me Raj?” I could see his belief in me reflect in his eyes. He was ready to give away everything to me. His fear faded as love made its place firm.

I was lost in his eyes, in his deep black eyes. It felt as if I was entering a dark cave without fear; without knowing where it will end, but only believing that in the end everything will be good. It was the first time I experienced the feeling of being spell bound. When I regained my senses I found myself under the shower of rain. This was the best feeling I had in many years. When fast moving drops of water strikes on eyelids, it gifts a strange feeling. I sensed the same feeling in Raj, he was happy with me. He was lost in the shower. He was trying to look at the cloud and thank them. Now he was looking at me, but I was not there.

Raj’s eyes were searching for me and I was on the empty road, dancing.

‘She is beautiful’, his heart said to me. I smiled to admire his thought. He smiled in return. We looked at each other as our hearts got entwined.

He was wearing white pants-shirt and was standing under a yellow street light. Well in that yellow light his muscular body was looking just like a mountain covered with snow, with a hint of sunlight. Oh, I can’t describe it, it makes me feel shy.

My mother always narrated me a story that on the first rain of season, princes come on earth. I never believed her but now I think she was right. My prince was right in front of me.

“Will you dance with me?” I forwarded my hand towards him.

He forwarded his one hand towards my hand and he put another hand on my shoulder. I smiled and corrected his position. I took his hand from my shoulder to my waist. He came closer, I could smell his breath. At that moment I felt so alive. My eyes and his eyes were lost in each other’s depth and the rain was playing the background music for us.

 “I love you, Shikha.” His eyes said to me.

“I love you too, Raj.” My eyes replied. It is true enough that when two people are in true love, words are not needed as eyes takes over.

In that amazing moment, he kissed me. That was my first. Our kiss got interrupted with his sneezing. And you bet he was under the weather. We could not control our laughter and happily we laughed on.

 I was smiling that night when I woke up. My father was in front of me with tears in his eyes and a smile on his face. He was fully dressed for the occasion.

Smiles faded just like the smoke in the air and a drop trickled down my eye when I realized that I was sitting for my marriage there. Pandit was chanting his mantras and the man sitting next to me was quietly listening to him. Everyone was happy, except me.

I miss you Raj………………… Why did you go so far?

****

Sometimes life plays such games, that we are left perplexed wondering if we should be thankful or be annoyed. When everybody left me, including Raj, my pen and some pieces of paper became my companions. They were my only support to whom I could pour my heart out.

Strange are the ways of destiny, it was a surprise when I found myself being recognized as one of the bestselling authors. I would like to think, that my pain touched the hearts of many who identified with my stories.

On a particular day when I was going through my fan mails, I came across a name ‘Raj Sharma’, and I instantly knew who it was. I was filled with a mix of emotions, happiness, joy, curiosity, love and then suddenly the realization hit hard -  I am married now.

With trembling hands I opened the mail and read:

Yesterday night I read your novel, I liked it so very much. I could relate to every bit of the novel. It was like pages taken off from my life. You are a fabulous writer. But there was one thing which I didn’t like about the novel, the ending, you know what ‘True Love and True Lovers Never Die’, hence the characters in your novel should have had a happy ending. There’s always a happy ending written for lovers, the only hitch, is that you have to wait till the end.

Expectations, these are the main reason of all the sorrows of life and expectations are also the main reason to try harder. This was a new beginning. I deserve to be happy. My love is back, I can’t let him go now. I have a life and I have a right to live it happily. 

This started a string of online communications, we were finally together, although only virtually. I didn’t want to make him remember anything of the past; I wanted to live in present. No past, no future, just the happy and never ending present.

One day he messaged me:

“I am sorry but I think I am in love with you. I know you are married and I am also married. We both have children in teen ages but……………… I am sorry.”

I replied ‘I am sorry’ too.

We both promised each other to never meet so that our present marriage will not suffer, that was important for the betterment of our children and when a high urge to meet each other will rise we will see the rings sent by us to each other and remember the promise.   

I spent fifteen years staring at that ring which Raj has sent me. My heart was engraved in the metal of that ring; it was my most valued possession.

****

“Happy birthday!” Raj said. I looked at the calendar and then I realized it was Raj’s birthday today.

“Oh! I am really sorry, I forgot. Happy birthday Raj.” I could hear his giggle on the phone.

“Sorry isn’t accepted. For making up again, go to your wardrobe and pick up the best sari you have. I am coming to pick you up in 30 minutes.

“But….” before I could say anything, Raj interrupted me.

“No!!!!!! No ‘but’s’ now. I don’t want to die without meeting you. I want to live today. For the past fifteen years, I am dying every day. You know that. Please let me make this birthday of mine marked as the beginning of our love maybe in some another world. I ….” He was short of words but full of feelings. I knew what he meant. He had been detected with ‘cancer’ and according to doctors, should have died years ago. But something kept him alive, maybe the urge of meeting or maybe that ring, which I sent him, gave the strength to live.  

I started sobbing. “What’s your plan, then?” I chocked twice while speaking these four words.

Raj was filled with enthusiasm, “First we will go to movie, then to the mall and lastly to my favorite restaurant where we will eat your favorite Chinese.”

I smiled and put the receiver back. I took the best attire I had and left home. No one asked me, where I was going. No one bothered about me now. My husband was busy in drinking the coffee and ‘licking’ newspaper.

Soon a car came with a familiar driver, driver of my life, Raj. He’s still the same. No change in dressing or in hairstyle but one thing which changed is his maturity, he looked mature now and that added to his handsome figure.

He parked the car in front of me and kept on staring at me through the window. I could see his heart from his eyes. A small drop of tear trickled down from his eyes and then a broad smile came over his lips which induced a same effect on my lips too.

There’s a feeling which you can’t express in words, words have limitations but the feelings are limitless.

We enjoyed each other’s company thoroughly, saw a wonderful movie, and then headed to the mall. He grabbed my hand and together we entered in a jewelry shop. He took the old ring back from me and brought a new one. He took both rings in his possession. I really had no idea what he was planning to do today but I had one feeling, that the day is special. I didn’t ask him anything.

He kept on talking as I kept staring at him. I felt my heart beating after two decades.

We hit the roads to go to the restaurant but before reaching there, Raj stopped the car over a bridge under which a river was flowing. River had the calmness which I could feel in my heart now.

Raj took out the old rings which we exchanged earlier, the symbol of our promise and looked at them for a long time and then said, “This is the time, we should free ourselves from the promise we made for the sake of our families.” I said nothing, just hugged him and in the mean while he threw the rings in the river. The moment the rings touched the river, we felt freed of a burden.

Now Raj took the new ring and came out of the car. I was still seated. I could see him kneeling down in front of the car showing me the ring and saying, “I want you to promise me that you will be all mine in all the seven ages of my next life.”

I smiled with tears in my eyes. I nodded and then I saw him collapsing on the road. I rushed out of the car and tried to grab him before anything happens but alas! I was late. I took his head and put it on my lap. He was smiling. I cried out, ‘RAJ!!!!!!!!!!’ and then saw him coming from the opposite side of the road. He was young again. He was my Raj again. He was calling me, to grab him. He was waiting for me.

I stood on my feet and slowly, with open arms towards Raj I started walking. Everything started to fade around me, just me and Raj. No one else. I took him in my arms and then,  I saw a truck madly blowing horns, then……………. SILENCE, PEACE.   

EPILOGUE

Under the shadow of the tree when the sun was at its peak, Shikha laid her head on the lap of Raj. Raj was playing with her hair locks and Shikha was enjoying every moment of it.

Suddenly Shikha got up and said:

“I think this is the time to thank him.”  Raj wasn’t listening to her; he was only watching her lips moving. It was like wind flowing and the petals of rose were dancing to its rhythm.

“Raj…….. Raj I am talking to you. Are you listening?” Raj took her in his arms never to leave her ever again. Up in the heaven God smiles as he gives their soul another body to descend the earth and live the dream they could not in their last life, to recreate the magic of love.