This story has not been moderated or edited by the Readomania Team.

No, this is not your regular teeny bopper story book romance neither is this a sleazy novel on sex escapades of a middle aged woman. This is real, a real story about school mates and school friends. This is a story about you and me. A story which has everything which the life has offered to all those who are a part of this.

Prologue

“Anjali, Hi this is Rohan, remember me, I used to study with you in 10th, I am Raghav’s brother, how are you”
The train was running away at a great speed. Apart from the occasional whistle of the passing trains and the flickering lights of the small stations, there was complete silence in the 2nd AC compartment. Everyone was asleep except me. “Reunion” after 19 years…. meeting everyone….all this still felt like a dream.

Wondering who am I? I am Anjali, Anjali Chopra. Well settled, independent, MBA working with one of the bollywood movie production houses and yes 35 years old.

June 30th was the day when everything started. No, it was not my birthday. After reaching the office early, I was surfing net and as usual had logged on to “Facebook”. My sister Sia’s friend’s list had increased to 109; all her school mates were in her group, but what about me? It’s been almost 2 months since I had first logged on, still with just 10 people in group, out of which, one is Sia and rest all are my colleagues in SRF. Boring, really boring by social media standards!!!

Oh! Great. Sia has sent me a link to our school’s website – amazing so much has changed in our school, that’s Ms. Eliza, my God! She is still teaching, she was my teacher in class 10th, and that’s Ms. Jacob, still teaching Biology I think. Oh great, that’s my picture, participating in the science fair, in the archives section and that’s Varun Mankad…how much I hated him.
After this brief vision of my school, I sat for almost an hour wishing to see my school once, not noticing the usual hurl burl of our office. Oh how I wish, I could go back to school and meet all my teachers and class mates.
“Anjali” “Anjali” “Madam Anjali”!!!!
Randeep’s voice dragged me back to this world.
“Day dreaming about some prince charming” asked Randeep.
“Nope I am thinking about my school.”
“School - why?” asked Randeep,
“Just like that, I don’t know – for past couple of days I have a very strong desire to meet all my school mates”.
“When you desire something from your heart, everything in this world conspires to fulfil that desire – didn’t Shahrukh Khan say this” – quipped Randeep ducking a notepad flung by me.

Little did I know that his words are soon going to turn true.

This was Randeep Mathur, my ever smiling, happy go lucky colleague and my only friend now.
“Hello, is it me you are looking for ….” this was the third time I was hearing Lionel Richie on Randeep’s caller tone. God where is he?
“Hello……Randeep where the hell were you, what were you doing, why couldn’t you pick up the call????”
“Hey hey, lady, hold on, its 4.00 am, I am not used to hearing crazy female voices in such ungodly hour. Okay, okay, peace, C’mon tell me what happened? What!! you called me to talk about your dream? Okay, okay I am sorry, tell me what was it – so you were in school giving Biology exam (why only Bio) okay sorry go on and you saw everyone. Great then what’s the problem???? Oh!!! I think you have been thinking too much about your school days, that could be the only reason why you dreamt this. So can I go back to sleep now. Fine, see you in office.”
On reaching office I was struck up with this stupid meeting, my company had just bought over a new movie and our department was supposed to design the entire marketing strategy for this non starrer, a sure shot flop.

It was almost 4.00 pm when we got free.

“Anyone hungry” asked Sharmila, “I am dying to check out that new smoothie flavour which Open Heart Cafe has launched”.
“Count me and Anjali in” quipped Randeep literally dragging me out.
The new smoothie flavour turned out to be decent and as usual Sharmila kept flirting with Randeep.

Finally, I decided to check up my mails and also Facebook, though I knew that it would be same. Hey, what’s that, two friends request and one mail in the inbox.
I checked out the friend’s request – one was from Raghav and the other was from Rohan.
Rohan and Raghav, 19 years of my life just flashed by…
“Anjali, Hi this is Rohan, remember me I used to study with you in class 10th, I am Raghav’s brother, how are you?”
Don’t know what happened but found myself typing out a simple two liner as a revert to Rohan’s message.
“Hi Rohan, I am fine, yes I do remember you, it’s great to hear from you, so what are you doing? Where r u TC”
Little did I know that these two lines would soon change my world.

The phone was ringing, “Anjali we need your suggestions on this design immediately”. Akash was trying to be his sugary best, just the way he is whenever there is rush rush project.

“Wanna order a pizza?” “No”, “Fine so we are just going to honour Banta Singh Paranthe wala with our presence” said Randeep. “But I am not hungry Randeep”. “No problem, I will eat and you can watch me eating” The paranthas were really great. It was almost 1.00 am when Randeep dropped me home.

Even though I was dead tired, sleep was far away from my eyes.

Rohan and Raghav, 19 years of my life…after so many years….. why…..
Not being able to manage my restlessness, I got up and started checking my mails. “Long lost friend”, hey how come Rohan mailed me on my id, Oh! okay, I am a real dumbo, my mail id is there in the facebook profile. “I have added you in my chat list, will wait to really hear from you, my number is 09811990089. TC Rohan”
“Long lost friend???” – Rohan was never my friend. In fact I never had a friend.

I don’t remember what I ate for breakfast or how I reached office. All I remember was dialling the number 09811990089.
Everything I do, I do it for you……Bryan Adams at his best on the caller tone. “Hello am I speaking to Rohan Bhatia, Hi this is Anjali, Anjali Chopra”,
“Anjali, man how are you, where did you disappear, how are you, what are you doing, great, amazing simply amazing, I am working with Task Events as head client servicing. Why did you leave Delhi, Yes, Yes I know you are on a long distance call, chal no issue I will call up later”

I had just called up Rohan and now I was searching through his profile on Facebook, okay this is how Mr. Rohan Bhatia looks now. I don’t remember him much, I was anyway not a part of their group – who am I kidding I was not a part of any group.

“Anjali we have a deadline of 4.00 pm and I know only you can do this” Akash was again trying to be his sugary best and he knew he would be successful in his mission.

Mission accomplished, we had just landed ourselves with two very busy weeks in the otherwise dead month. Sharmila was sulking, she was planning trip to Karwar with her friends and now this project. “All thanks to Ms Know it all and Ms Intelligent – our holiday plans have been ruined”, Saurabh and Samir started cribbing as usual. “It would be two weeks of work, work and only work, why does she do it?”
“But I never opted for this, we have got this project and we need to complete this on time, if its holiday season for you, the same is for me, why are you blaming me”, I tried to defend myself. I was rewarded with scoffs and some more sarcastic comments.

A long day, deadline pressures, PMS and now this, I could not take it anymore.
I was sobbing away to glory, unaware of the queer glances of the people on the bus stop. “Hey it’s started flooding”, If you cry any more, we would easily get the flood relief”. I saw the ever smiling Randeep. “Come let me treat you with Aloo paranthas….

The following two weeks were really very hectic.

Chapter 1

Tring, Tring,
“Hello Anjali this is Rohan we are planning a reunion and You are Coming. It’s a Sunday, yes we are meeting on the 28th, get your ticket booked, no I am not hearing a no, confirm to me tomorrow “.
“So you are going?”
“Going where Randeep?”
“To meet your school mates”.
“But how can I go now, the movie is releasing on 26th and moreover how would I manage the tickets? No I can’t go”.
All of us are meeting ------- why after 19 years……why????
“These are your tickets to Delhi. I have booked you at my friend’s hotel”.
“But Randeep, how can I go?”
“Just board the train…..I am not taking a no for an answer, you deserve this short break, call up and confirm.”
“Hello Rohan, I am coming, yes, yes I remember Meeta’s house, fine I will be there at 9.00 am on 28th”.

“Do you want to change your berth? Do you want anything to drink? Okay Bye take care and don’t miss your friends here too much”, Randeep was his usual smiling self. Man how can he stay like this always?

Oh God how much has changed in EP Nagar. Meeta’s house was 43/11. 43/15, 43/13 and here it is 43/11.
“Meeta ???? Aah, I am here to meet Meeta”.
“Meeta Didi, Meeta Didi, aapke guest aane shuroo ho gaye hain”.

On hearing these words, a small girl ran inside and came back with someone my head said that I knew. Yes this was Meeta, she has not changed much, only she did not have any braces now and she was on a healthier side.
“Tia beta, meet my school mate Anjali and Anjali she is my daughter Tia. We are waiting for Reena”. “So how are you, what are you doing?”
What is happening – Meeta is friendly with me…??? Even before I could say something, someone else from my past stood in front of me.
“Hi Reena, you got late.” Meeta hugged her.
Yes she was Reena. I could recognise her, she has also not changed much, only a bit older. I don’t know how but I ended up hugging her.
“Chal Anji and Reena let’s pick Ms. Jas,,,,”. Meeta rushed us.
“So who all are coming”, Reena and yes even I was curious.
“Jasmeet, Rishi, Rohan, Sania and the entire RA gang”.

“Meeta stop honking, its Sunday, the whole neighbourhood would be up and irritated”. The most recognisable face walked out of the building. Yes that was Jasmeet. The name plate on the building told me Jas’s current status – Ms. Jasmeet Rishi & Mr. Rishi Patel. So finally Jasmeet and Rishi had got married. Good for them, but they never told me. How could they, nobody knew where I was.
“Hey where are we going?” Jas questioned.
“To Lantern’s Inn” answered Meeta.
I could not believe that Lantern’s Inn still existed. Yes it was still there, not much change in the exterior, only the Bamboo trees had grown and those small bamboo lantern’s were new.

“Good Day Mam”, a peppy steward welcomed us.
“We have a reservation for our group RA,” Meeta was managing the affairs.
“Yes Mam, please come”, the steward directed us towards group seating enclosure.
So we were the first one to arrive.
“Hi Anjali”, I could hear Rohan shouting on the top of his voice. God, this can’t be true, all of them are here, just the way I had seen in my dreams.
Oh, what a group - Sania the sexiest girl in our school had turned into a devoted housewife, slightly plump but she was still looking sexy. Amitava the dumbest guy in our class was working with India’s biggest media house, Divyanshi the most unfashionable girl had turned into a hi-fi designer. Jasmeet was still the same, not much had changed, still worried about her life. Bubbly and vivacious Rishi had sobered down and looked very serious. And why was I forgetting myself, the tiny thin bespectacled school girl with two long oily plaits who was not a part of this group. So why was I here? What was I doing with these guys?

“So it’s all set, I would pick you up from your hotel in another half an hour, Reena, Sania and Meeta you go along with Ranjan and Amitava, Bhupesh you pick up Rohit and Raghav from Airport”.
“Rohan, where are we going?”
“Saari Ramayan Khatam ho gayi, aur Anjali madam is asking Ram Kaun thaa? We are going to Ranjan’s resort, it’s a 2 day plan, only all of us without any families – back to school days. Best time of the year to go with rains and greenery …..”
“How can I go, I have not told my office, my tickets are for tonight, I have not told anyone?” I was panicking now. I had already lost so much of the conversation in my day dreaming and now this trip.

“I am picking you up in 25 minutes get ready”, Rohan answered authoritatively.
I was not able to say anything, I was feeling so lost. As usual only one name came in mind. Soon I was dialling the number which I could dial even in my sleep.
Hello is it me you are looking.......
Yes, I am looking for you. Please pick up the call.
“Hello, hi Randeep, I am fine, no, just tired, they have planned a 2 day outing on a friend’s resort, no, his family always owned it, I remember going their once with my parents, I don’t know, you are sure, Thanks a ton buddy and oh yes I am missing everyone back there.”

“Jas and Anji you sit at back. Rishi you can join me”. Rohan was again at his authoritative best. He was not like this in school.
“You know Rishi has turned into a very unsocial person, he didn’t want to come along for this trip also, kitna force kiya thaa maine. You know it’s so difficult to live with two small children all alone for months together, it’s really hard for me when Rishi is away on his official trips, security kya hai, I have to manage everything…..”.

I don’t know how much of Jas’s conversation was I registering. I must have dozed off, it was 7.00 pm and we were on the gates of the resort. It still managed its old world rustic charm. The weather was lovely – just the way I liked, it had just rained, sweet smell of rainwater drenched earth and a nice cool breeze.

The resort was more or less empty, only few people come to hills in rainy season. All of us had a room, the view outside was lovely, a beautiful evening with last bit of sun rays giving that orange golden outline to the cloud cover. “Anji freshen up, we are meeting in the dining hall for tea”, it was Rohan again. I am not awake, this is all a dream… this cannot be happening.

I was the first one to reach the Dining hall; it had a very cosy feeling to it, the large windows facing the valley, the silence being broken by occasional tinker of plates and crockery. “Look who has started dreaming”, I heard Sania, she was looking stunning in a pink and black outfit. “No I am not dreaming just enjoying the silence.”

Tea was nice, with everyone in the group talking on the top of their voices. Who’s doing what, what’s the latest buzz, who all are married, how many kids, love marriage or arranged etc. etc. Ranjan’s staff had organised a small game of Tambola for all of us. I could never make head or tails about this game and as usual was lost again. Ranjan took all of us on a round of his resort, they had modernised it a lot, latest gadgets in kitchen, a gymnasium, pool table and entertainment zone. They had recently converted one of the old banquet halls into a discotheque. It’s operational during peak season only. Right now we are going to use it.

Jas was again squabbling with Rishi, my god what a lovely couple they make. Sania was as usual centre of attraction burning the dance floor with her hot and sexy moves. “A sweet lime soda please”. “What are you having? This is not allowed”. “But Rohan I don’t drink and I won’t drink”. I think for once I subdued the authoritative Rohan. Great sense of victory. Everyone was dancing and I quietly slipped out hoping no one would see. I can’t dance. Unlike the bright & noisy indoors, it was silent outside. Silence, peaceful silence. I walked down to the garden area and sat down.

How has everybody changed or have they really? I never knew this group too well in school or nobody knew me too well in the school. Teachers remembered me when they wanted some charts to be made and class mates remembered me when they wanted some home work to be done. I was not like a usual girl, I could fight, I could hit boys, could climb a wall, jump and do almost everything which any boy could do in my class. Very unusual for a 15 year old, I had no knowledge of beauty products, was not much into fashion and not at all into that female talks. I could never understand why all of sudden a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl.

For my mother I was like a crow, not blessed with good looks from her family, average in studies, always carrying a sullen disposition, not interested in meeting with anyone, rude and spoilt. I wish mom was here and I could have told her why I was like that. I used to find solace in Dad’s company. He used to be my only support in the house. Sia was 3 years younger to me but was apple of Mom’s eye. She still is, she can do murder and walk off with it. And I, only on uttering the word murder, my mom would kill me. I would say I had an aimless childhood. Mom was busy with her brother, sisters, my cousins and Sia. I had everything, all amenities, best of clothes and best of toys and above all extra loving cousins. Mom how I wish I could tell you that it was not a sibling love which they shared, I was a guinea pig for their newly found manly desires. Oh mom, how I wish you could have read through my sullenness and silence, how I wish you could have understood my tears. Wishes, wishes and only wishes…… I hated my cousins, no I think hated is a word too strong, how could I hate them, you need to feel to hate or like someone. All my desires and feelings were dead. My body was of no importance to me. I was afraid that all my class mates would come to know about my dirty life and would start hating me. I wanted to be a part of the group, but how? I was dirty and even after 20 baths a day the dirt would have not gone. With such a dark life how could I face the bright world. I was so lonely, I wanted someone to break this loneliness but I could not speak nor could I ask.

It was getting cold. I opened my eyes and saw Rohan sitting by me with a box of tissues. Oh god I was crying, how embarrassing. Thankfully he didn’t ask any questions and just walked me to my room.

“Where am I, why didn’t my alarm buzz, its 6.00 am”. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was at the resort. It was a gloomy morning with a heavy downpour. After a long time I had a relaxing long shower. I tried some herbal oil which Sia had given in her last visit. “You mix it with your bath water and say good bye to all your tensions” is what Sia had said advertising about the oil qualities. It was really soothing. I walked out till the dining hall, “Tea or coffee?”, “Tea”, “Same for me”, said Rishi. “Where is Jas?” “She is still sleeping, I have erratic sleep patterns. By the way where had you vanished, I tried to get in touch with you but nobody had a clue, why?” “Rishi, honestly I don’t have an answer to that, Mom & dad decided to shift base and I opted to be with them. I was only in touch with you and Jas after school. I had a decent job but once we shifted base I had to again start the search in the new city. Somehow I just got busy with the settling down business. Yes you are right I was running away from ……”

“So how’s life for you, I am really happy that finally both of you got married. Happy ending to at least one love story”. Rishi laughed at my last statement, this was the same carefree and innocent laugh which I had known. Finally something which I could recognise. Rishi and I kept on discussing about my present job and how he keeps on coming to Mumbai. Suddenly I heard a voice which I could never forget…..no...this can’t be true. How come he is here, no, no I am imagining things. I could hear my heart beat in the silence of the dining room and then I came face to face with my worst fears – it was him … yes its Phillip, I can never forget his face. He hugged Rishi, it was not a very friendly hug and reading Rishi’s body language I could see he was also very uncomfortable seeing Phillip. Luckily before Phillip could say something to me I saw Rohan and Ranjan walking in the dining hall. I sort of rushed to them…. “Rohan there is no network here and I need to call up my office … is there a landline phone available”. “Yes you can call up from reception”. “Thanks”. I went to the reception and tried Randeep’s phone… the bell was ringing but no one picked up. Irritated I walked back to the dining hall. Thankfully everyone was there. The breakfast was typically north Indian with Paranthas, Pooris and lots of curd. “Hey guys, we have some more people coming in by today afternoon – Garima, Sandeep and Amit”. Rohan announced, he was sounding like a trained event planner now and was giving instructions on room plans … some of us would be sharing rooms. I was supposed to share my room with Garima – oh God why from all the people Garima, I hated her in school. She was my worst enemy.

“Anji can you come along with us to nearest town, it’s a half hour drive, we need to pick up some supplies”. “Sure”. I was thankful to Ranjan, the atmosphere was getting a bit too much for me.
People in the town knew Ranjan well. I think he is doing well with his resort. We didn’t talk much. It was getting very cloudy and Ranjan appeared quite tense. By the time we came back, it had started raining heavily. I wanted to get drenched….. completely soaked in the pure rains. Rishi came and literally dragged me in…. I could see the expressions on Jas’s face. I walked up to my room and realised that Garima would be there now. Yes, she was there, same, nothing had changed, not even a inch. Garima came and hugged me “Babes how are you? You look so different, it’s really difficult to recognise you”. Me ....babes….wow I should take it as a compliment.

“I had an arranged marriage, I am settled in Mumbai, never knew you were in Mumbai. Your office is quite close to my house. You should drop by….”. I felt as if I was hearing a movie sound track, no she is not talking to me….

It was now pouring heavily and Rohan and Ranjan appeared slightly worried. Dining hall was now filled up with small groups, Rishi, Amit and Phillip, Meeta, Sania, Reena and Jas, Bhupesh, Raghav, Amitava and Rohit, everyone was probably discussing their present occupations. “Guys we have some bad news and some good news …..” Rohan announced. “Bad news is we have just received information on a land slide, so we would be struck up at the resort till it clears up and the good news is that we are all together, so it’s back to school”. I was the first one to panic, what will happen to my work.
“Chill Anji, Just call your office I am sure they would understand.....” Rohan was again in a commanding position. I had no other option, so once again I called up Randeep, as Rohan and Ranjan were standing next to me, I could not do anything else but inform him about the situation and about the delay in my return.

When we reached the dining hall again, I saw Meeta and Sania panicking on their limited wardrobe. I should have cribbed about that – I just had three pairs of clothes, but I was not worried. I can survive.

Ranjan jumped up and solved the problem – free laundry service at the resort, so other than the issue of repeating the clothes there was no problem.
Too dazed and tired, I started walking towards my room, suddenly I heard Rohit calling, “hey Anji, care to have lunch with us?” Care to have lunch with him, 19 years back I would have jumped to this question, but it was never asked. I just nodded and turned back towards the dining hall.

I don’t know what was served or what discussion was going on lunch table, I don’t know what I ate, but I ate something. I excused myself hoping that Garima would not join me and would stay back.Thankfully this happened.

I don’t know for how long I had slept. Suddenly I felt that somebody was sitting beside me and was staring at me. I jumped up. “Woha, man easy easy”, it was Rohit, “I just came to wake you up, but madam was sleeping like a log”. “I was really tired Rohit.”
“No issues, come it’s time for evening tea” and everyone is waiting for Us. I didn’t like the way he stressed at us. “Give me a minute to freshen up”. “Just a minute?” I could have killed Rohit.

It was very dark outside and was still raining. The dining hall was already filled with the group and the tea was already being served.
“Chalo der aaye durust aaye ..... we thought you guys got lost in your own world”. Meeta, I could kill you for this comment, but all I could blurt out was I was sleeping and didn’t realise it was so late.

Ranjan announced that he had just got the information that the land slide could not be cleared before 2-3 days if the rains continue like this. Strangely I didn’t panic this time. While sipping the bitter black coffee both Sania and Raghav asked what can be done to pass time while we were struck. Meeta suggested why don’t we all play a game called confession – everyone was supposed to tell their deepest darkest desires and secrets ...... let the skeletons tumble out from the closets. Except me and Rishi, everyone jumped to the idea. Jas took Rishi in a corner and soon he agreed. I still was reluctant. “What?? Ms. Anji afraid of letting people know about her uninteresting life?” The taunt in Phillip’s voice brought the college Anji back – the truth or dare games. “I don’t have any problems, but do you have the guts to hear?” The anger in my voice was visible. But nobody said anything.

Chapter 2

Soon everyone moved out to the Lounge area. This area again had maintained its old world charm. Large French windows, lacy net curtains, big lamps with intricate work on glass, comfortable seating areas, old photographs and paintings, nothing has changed in this area.

I picked up a cushy recliner near the large window facing the valley hardly comprehending that soon everything in our lives is going to be shaken up. Ample snacks to munch on and soft drinks soon materialised from nowhere. Ranjan definitely knew the hospitality business.

It was more than 15 minutes before Meeta stood up, “Ranjan is our host, so I think he should do the honours, Ranjan why don’t you start?”

Every eye was now focused on Ranjan, my eyes were closed but my ears were focused. Ranjan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, took a big gulp of his drink and then said - "We are all mature adults and I hope that whatever we are doing here would be understood with maturity and I suggest lets pick out names and start".

This statement of Ranjan’s was met with loud applause and sounds of Sure, Of course, No doubts, It’s a game, We are all grownups yaar.
Soon chits with numbers were made and just like the school days all of us were asked to pick up a chit. The numbers would decide the order- number 1 would have to speak first and so on.

Garima got the number one.
“I don’t have any major secrets, I just want to clarify one thing with Phillip and Bhupesh, I was not the one who had complained to the Vice Principal about you guys when you had bunked the extra class for Chemistry just before our pre-boards, I think she had seen you sitting at the Garden Cafe while driving back to her home from school.”

This statement of Garima was met with – "not done, not done" by everyone and "we don’t remember" by Bhupesh and Phillip.

“Garima this is not done, you would definitely have some more desires or secrets, come on, out with it” – for the first time Reena piped in.
Meeta, Sania and Jas started chanting “Garima, Garima, Garima .........”as if they were chanting some magical mantra.
The magic happened. Garima adjusted her stole. Okay guys, I was in love with someone, I had told about him to my parents also, we were from the same community so they had no issues but he never asked me and I finally got married to a guy my parents chose. I am happy with my life no regrets. That’s it, nothing more.

“Garima, is the guy known to us?” asked Meeta. “Yes” – there was a complete silence, everyone was now anticipating the name being blurted out any moment.

From the corner where I was sitting, I could observe Phillip, Bhupesh and Garima all perspiring.
“Yes all of us know his name, but does he know, at times I wonder. What went wrong, why this happened, I have asked this question many times but failed to get an answer. Probably today I would get answers. We were together in school and then in college too, I liked his physique, his smile, his curly hairs and his ever willingness to help me out. I liked the way he used to hold my hands while crossing the road, I liked the way he whispered those sweet nothings in my ears, I liked the way his eyes looked at me making me feel on the top of the world, I loved his smell. But was that love??? I always discussed life after marriage, I talked about our kids, chose their name, I dressed the way he wanted me to, I wore the colours he liked, I ate what he liked. But was that love ????

On the last day of our graduation exams, he called me and said that he has the biggest announcement to make, the biggest decision in his life and he wanted me to be the first one to hear. No it couldn’t be told on phone. We should meet the next day at our favourite spot in CP. I could not sleep out of excitement, chose the best of my outfit, took an hour to dress up, told my sis that today was the biggest day of my life. I reached on time, the clock ticked away, seconds turned in minutes, minutes in hours, I waited for Godot.

I came back home, the worst thought coming to mind – did he have an accident??? I called up again and again but no one picked the call at his place. The next day, I went to his place but it was locked.

I waited and waited and waited, but something inside me was not ready to wait. My mother went to his place with me, his uncle and aunty refused to talk. Next day at breakfast my mother announced that I would not study any further and with the blessings of our Guru maa they have fixed up my wedding. The groom and his family are coming in the evening. I wanted to plead but could not.

I saw him, he was an ordinary looking man – yes a man, Abhay was 10 years older to me, he was a business man in Mumbai and had not married because he had many responsibilities towards his family after his father’s death. He didn’t ask me anything. His mother, his bhabhi and sister asked the regular questions.

Everything was fixed, Guru Maa announced wedding in fifteen days – fifteen days, I wanted to shout and ask for more time, but I could not.
I don’t remember the festivities and mechanically performed all the rituals. Some of you were there for the wedding. Everything was rushed, the wedding, then going to Abhay’s village and Guru Maa’s Ashram for all the other rituals. 3 days just went by in rituals. I was now Mrs. Abhay, this fact finally seeped in and I was trying to adjust, ready to be happy with my new life. Probably this was God’s wish.

Finally on the 4th day we went back to Mumbai. Now was the time, when I would finally become Mrs. Abhay in all sense and I was ready for the new life. Abhay came, everything was so clinical and I was now Mrs. Abhay. The clinical routine was performed with perfect precision for the next 7 days. We didn’t speak, nothing asked nothing said, I wanted to speak, I wanted to hear but nothing. Our conversations happened through Abhay’s mother.

In a month’s time the precise clinical routine showed its result. The doctor announced my pregnancy. I was happy, very happy. I wanted Abhay to be the first one to know about the biggest thing in our life, I called up – “So, what should I do, tell my mom”.
I called up again – “Don’t disturb I am in a meeting”.
I called up again, his secretary picked up and informed Abhay is in a meeting.

It was 1.00 a.m. when Abhay came back. I asked him for dinner, he refused and was ready to go to bed when I said “Abhay you are going to be Papa”. “No I am not, you are going to be a mom and the guy you used to sleep with is going to be the dad, not me, I can never be a papa”. I was shattered, for the first time I told Abhay what he was saying is not right. I was in love with someone before our marriage, but this child is his. It’s the outcome of his clinical routine. His answer is still ringing in my ears – my left ear drum got damaged – Abhay’s mom told the doctor I had fallen from the stairs.

I was hospitalised for a day. My mother and father flew from Delhi with gifts. Abhay’s mom told them that in my excitement I had fallen from the stairs. I was not left alone for a moment, bhabhi and ma-in-law were constantly by my side. Mom and Dad left happily. That night I again tried to convince Abhay that it was his child, I was in love but I was not pregnant when I had married him. Abhay got up, went out and came back with bhabhi, “I can never be a father, for the last five years, since Bhai took Sanyas, Bhabhi and I have been trying but nothing,...........maa wanted me to marry, your parents were giving us a good amount, you were young, and the letter from your friend told me everything, so you were the perfect choice. Now be happy you are complete", saying this he walked away with Bhabhi.

Everything inside me churned, warmness was flowing out of my body, I went into a deep sleep. Next day I woke up in the hospital, weak very weak.
My mother in law was informing everyone that I had accidently tripped on a wire and had fallen on glass window, shreds of glass had cut my veins. It was lucky that they were there, so I could be saved else it would have been really bad. I wanted to shout the truth but couldn’t. My parents again rushed to Mumbai, but my ma-in-law said she is there and they should not worry. I wanted to tell the truth to my parents but couldn’t.

I was in the hospital for two weeks. Abhay had gone out on a business trip to Singapore. On my last night of stay in the hospital – Bhabhi came to see me. “I know this is Abhay’s baby, I can never conceive. Vaibhav was not a man, he was mouse, always walking in the shadow of Abhay. I had always liked Abhay, he was a man............Vaibhav saw us and left the next day. Abhay and I were happy, but then Mummy ji forced Abhay to marry you. I thought I had lost him, but then after your engagement we received a letter from a friend of yours. A blessing in disguise for me ....... I had my Abhay. He is mine forever .......... . You know, one gets bored with the same food everyday and thus occasionally, outing is required....... you are the outing for Abhay. Too much of outing is not good for one’s health and it is my utmost responsibility to see to Abhay’s well being.”

I could not say a thing my rage came out in my tears. The entire night I kept asking myself what was my fault, but no one answered.

The way God didn’t want my life similarly he didn’t want my baby’s life – it had survived miraculously.

I came back from the hospital, Abhay was back. But he never came to me. My ma-in-law started sleeping with me. I had stopped speaking. My health deteriorated, I was put on complete bed rest till the delivery. Shaina was born before time. Only my ma-in-law was there with me.

My ma-in-law spoke to me, she knew about Abhay and Bhabhi. She was helpless, Bhabhi was guru maa’s choice and guru maa was pa-in-law’s. She never had the courage to speak up against guru maa or her relationship with pa-in-law. Anju di and Abhay were Guru maa’s Prasad to her, only Vaibhav Bhaiya was pa-in-law’s gift. Vaibhav Bhaiya was a sensitive child from the beginning and soon started understanding the situation but never reacted. Pa- in-law died, but guru maa continued with her visits. Then Mahima bhabhi was chosen, no questions asked, marriage happened. Then after 4 months, for the first time in his life Vaibhav Bhaiya had reacted - he abused her, told her that she was a coward, cried that he was like her and then left the house. Nobody has heard from him since.

After many days, I found my voice back, I spoke to her – “Why did she make me suffer, why was I punished, what was my fault?”. I received no answers.
It had been almost two weeks since Shaina was born, but nobody had come – not even my parents. I was surprised. This suspense was also answered by my ma-in-law – guru maa had announced that the baby’s face should be seen only after a month of her birth else it will be a bad omen for both the houses. For the first time, I shouted at her, why couldn’t she stop all this? “I don’t want to go the Guru Maa’s ashram in Vrindavan, it will be a living hell. Mahima and Abhay would send me the moment I find my voice..... and why now !!!!”. “What about my parents?” “I have spoken to them, Guru Maa’s word is ultimate for them also”.

I sat down defeated. Since then, I have never been able to get up. Shaina is studying in a boarding school. I am alive only because of her. I go and meet her every month. My mom-in-law is no more – even in her death she was not able to defy Guru Maa. Bhabhi, Abhay and I live together. Occasionally as an outing, I am tasted in the presence of Bhabhi and at times Guru Maa.

There was an eerie silence in the room. Garima had stopped, eyes closed, tears trickling from her eyes. Bhupesh and Phillip were not in the room any more. No one moved. I could not sit any more I walked up to Garima and held her hand.

The dam broke ............with a loud wail. Garima held me tightly and kept on crying. “Ro le.........sab kuch nikal jaane de”. It was still pouring outside and inside too.

15 minutes later I was walking to our room with Garima. She was still sobbing and walking like a zombie. I dragged her under the shower.......let everything wash off.

A knock at door and Meeta’s voice brought me back. Don’t know for how long we were under the shower. I opened the door. “What are you guys doing? I was worried to death? Where is Garima?”
“We are fine Meeta, Garima would be fine. Give us a few minutes and we would join you guys, please ......”.
No further questions were asked. Meeta left.
Garima was still under the shower. I dragged her out. “Garima, it’s over, trust me it’s over, I promise you, it’s over. Now is the time to stand”. “I can’t”. “You can and you would, I promise. Come lets change, everyone is waiting for us.” Garima followed. She picked a dark wine red outfit.
Soon we were walking towards the dining hall, hand in hand, in utter silence, just hearing the sound of the heavy down pour outside. Inside both of us something was happening – a bond was forming, a bond which couldn’t be named, which couldn’t be defined.

While on the way I noticed Bhupesh and Phillip standing outside and it appeared they were arguing on something.

Chapter 3

There was no one in the Lounge area. “Hey, all of us are in the dining hall”, Sania shouted.
 
We walked back to the dining hall. There was an uncomfortable silence in the dining hall, no sign of the hustle bustle which I had been witnessing earlier. I realised all eyes were on us. Garima, dragged a chair and sat. All eyes were now focused on her but nobody said anything. What could be said??? The dinner was served, still no sound. “Whose turn is next?” suddenly Garima’s voice echoed in the silent dining hall. “Come on what happened, meri turn ke baad kiska number hai ?”. Garima’s voice was now getting louder. “Leave it yaar, finish your dinner”, Meeta said. “Kyon ??? the game was for everyone, not only for me, come on who’s next?” Garima was literally shouting. Reena got up and kept a hand on Garima’s shoulder. “Garima, we would play the game, just let the dinner get over and we would go back to the Lounge” Ranjan said slowly but authoritatively.
 
I don’t remember what we ate and I am sure many of us on the table were sharing the same feeling. The constant down pour was not helping. Soon we moved back to the Lounge area.
 
Garima picked up a recliner near the window and sat with her eyes closed. Other than the sound of shuffling furniture and our breathing nothing could be heard. “Who’s next?”, Garima’s voice boomed now. Meeta now piped in – “Number 2 chit please”.
 
Nothing ......... nothing happened.....nobody moved.......I was expecting Garima’s voice again.
 
But nothing like this happened.
 
Then Bhupesh got up, walked up to Garima’s recliner. He stood there and watched Garima. Garima still had her eyes closed, but I could feel that she knew of Bhupesh’s presence. After a minute or so, he turned towards all of us and said “I don’t know who got the chit number 2, I don’t care, I want to speak now. If I don’t speak today, I would not be able to speak ever again. I don’t care what you would think about me after this, it’s not a justification of my acts, it is my truth”.
 
“I am really sorry for what has happened. My sorry cannot undo everything.” Bhupesh stopped for a minute ........ was he talking to us for was he in his own world ???
 
“Yes it was love. Yes I knew. I loved the independent carefree person. Yes I was madly in love and wanted to live my entire life looking at the beautiful eyes. I am guilty but I didn’t plan the things in this way and never knew that this would happen. Life is not going to be same for me and today I have entered my hell”.
 A tear trickled from Bhupesh’s eye. Rishi got up and forcibly made Bhupesh sit next to him.
 
“My dad wanted me to do my post graduation from Australia and also set up an office there. Everything was planned and finalised. I had not seen dad for almost a month. He was in Calcutta.
 
A night before, after dinner I spoke to maa, I wanted the two most precious people in my life to meet. She didn’t reply, I thought she was okay with it. In our house any ways, we never had many conversations. I called up and fixed up the time. I slept peacefully dreaming about my future with her, holding her in my arms close to me......least expecting what was in store for me in the morning.
 
At 3.00 am next day, my brother woke me up. Dad had been hospitalised and was serious. We were rushing to Calcutta by the 6.00 clock flight. Mom kept on crying. I had no time. Didn’t want to wake her up....... I called up the person I trusted the most. Please call her and tell her I am rushing to Calcutta, Dad is serious. Would call her once I reach Calcutta. Tell her I love her and soon we would be together. I have planned everything........tell her...... please tell her. He assured me and I left.
 
I had no idea what happened. 
 
It was chaotic once we reached Calcutta. Dad was in ICU he had suffered a major attack. The doctors were not giving us any assurances. Things were bad in the unit also, the workers were on strike since last one month, the production was zero and due dates for three of our major international consignments were over. I could not give a call as promised. I thought she would understand. After two days I got a call from the trusted friend, everything is fine, everything is settled, I should not worry. Happiness is waiting for me. I was relaxed..... at least something was going in the direction.
 
Two weeks passed ........ dad also passed away............
 
He had not spoken to me before he bid his final good bye.
 
It was the most difficult moment for me ...... I wanted her to be with me, my pillar of strength. but I didn't call her up.  Happiness is waiting for me. I was fully assured.
 
Last rites were performed in Calcutta.
 
Chacha ji didn’t tell me anything. He only asked for the will. Chachi ji was busy, along with other ladies in our family – preparing my mother for her new role ........ of a widow. 
 
My mother.....draped in that awful white, her hands bleeding......... broken pieces of bangles all around her, her swollen blood shot eyes, that blank gaze of hers – oh what a sight it was ..........
 
The last nail in the coffin was his Call.
 
She is getting married .................... getting married ????? I am here ................. her parent’s choice .................rich well settled business man .........family friends ...... have been knowing each other for ages......... he proposed .......... she accepted .......................
 
No, No this is not possible...........it is not happening............this can’t be true........ She will never do this to me................ when is the wedding ????
 
Today............... you knew .......................
 
What ???? No she loved me ........... we were in love for ages................. No it was love......................
 
When .....................when .........................I can’t believe this........ you have her letters .................... no..........why didn’t you tell me......... I wouldn’t have come in between both of you.............
 
What’s the use now .......................
 
The world I knew till date ceased to exist, everything was spinning around me ...... I felt dizzy.
 
My mother was by my bed.
 
She was not in white...........but everything else was.......... the bed, the curtains, the walls, the table, the sheet..... even the lady standing next to me was in white.
 
“Bantu you have slept for long..... get up now.......I cannot fight alone....... I need you.” Mom’s voice came from far off.
 
I had been unconscious for three days.
 
Our unit in Calcutta had been shut down. Chacha ji was selling it, Delhi office will be managed by him. Our house in Delhi was now in his name. We need to tell him in two days, where should our personal belongings be sent. We had no access to the company accounts, our father’s accounts or any other paper which dad had kept in office.
 
Nobody had said anything to him. Such a large family ........ and not a single word. What would we do, where would we go, how would we manage ........ these were the only thoughts which were coming to my mind. I was worried about my mother, my brother – what will happen?
 
This new world was frightening. Too many things to do ......... too many decisions to take ................. and worst.....her betrayal. 
 
I didn’t have the strength to face this world ........... no fight left in me.
 
Doctors told Maa that only time would heal me.
 
My mother appeared very calm and composed. I was amazed at her strength.
 
A lady who had just lost her whole world ..............
 
She was managing everything and we were observing like mute spectators. We shifted to Jodhpur, my maternal grandparents place – except nani maa there was no one there to console Maa. But it didn’t look as if she needed to be consoled.
 
My brother resumed his school in Jodhpur. I was still very weak.
 
One night after a month, mom came and sat by me. “Bantu, I need you to get up now and work with me”. I just looked at her. “I am starting your nana’s papapd unit again, your nani and I can manage the unit, but we would need you to market”. I kept on looking.
 
“Your loss is not as great as mine .........you knew her only for a few years. Your father was my whole life – everything which was there 26 years ago before I married your father has long been erased. Till a few days back I could not think of a life without him – I needed him as much as I needed air and water to keep me alive. But I am living and would continue to live..........is my own blood so weak?”
 
Maa knew – how could she, it didn’t matter.
 
I don’t remember crying for a long time, may be when I was small I would have cried .......... but that night I cried ............ I cried .........”
 
Tears were now rolling down Bhupesh’s eyes. All of us were looking at him. Garima still sat motion less, eyes closed and tears flowing.
 
“Within two years we were able to establish ourselves as a household name in the city. My only focus now was work. Yes, she kept coming back to haunt me with her smile but then the vision of her in someone else’s arms, her betrayal made me hate her more. She had now become a painful wound which never heals.
 
Priya was my mother’s choice.
 
I told everything to her, I would never forget and forgive her. She was willing to live with me in her shadow. We married. It was not easy but Priya managed. She never complained, never questioned and never demanded ....................life went on and then Sagar was born.
 
With Sagar between us, the bond became strong.......the incurable wound remained but it was gradually becoming less painful .......
 
And till some hours back only anger remained.......
 
I wanted to ask her- Why Me ??? “
 
Bhupesh now had risen and was now standing next to Garima. Everyone had tears in their eyes. Jas was sobbing.
 
Till a moment back, everything was alive and now there was a deadly silence – silence before an impending storm.
 
Bhupesh now was sitting on the floor.
 
“I am guilty .......... yes I am guilty of not believing in my love, I am guilty of trusting the most untrustworthy person I knew, I am guilty of not asking........of not seeking my love, of not ....................
 
But please forgive me, I don’t want to enter this living hell .......”
 
Thaaaak.......all of us were shaken up by the loud sound of a slap.
 
Garima was sobbing now. Jas got up and started to walk towards her, Rishi held her back. Bhupesh was now silent, looking at the floor.
 
“I am lucky”. Garima spoke ....... in a soft tone ...... what is happening.
 
“Yes I am lucky, you are not there in my life.........how could I live with you...... how could I spend every waking moment of my life with you..........”
 
This is the Garima, I knew in school. She was back........or was she ????
 
“Yes till a few moments ago I was praying for a painful life for you..... I was praying that every living moment of yours becomes hell for you.
 
But it’s over now .......... I cannot forgive you but I can’t punish you either ........who am I .......... how can I punish someone whom I don’t even know..... how can I punish Priya and Sagar?”
 
Garima stopped, got up and stood next to me. “Chal Anji..... it’s over for today..... let’s go to sleep, it’s very late”.
 
Nobody said anything.
 
“Let us all go and sleep. Yes Garima, it’s over for today but tomorrow will be another day........” Rohan finally spoke.
 
Nobody had noticed, Phillip was not in the room with us.
 
Jas was now sobbing loudly in Rishi’s arms. Everyone soon left ........
 
Bhupesh kept sitting on the floor.
 
It was still pouring outside.

Chapter 4

The walk back to our room was full of heaviness. I felt as I was walking with stones tied to my feet. Garima was almost dragging me. She closed our door with a loud bang and went straight to the bathroom to change. She came out after a few minutes. In her white frilly night gown she was looking like an angel. She was looking so beautiful .....pristine beauty. There was a strange calmness on her face....... the only signs of the earlier turmoil were her red eyes.

“Anji can you please come and sit by me for some time .....”. I sat by her, she held my hand for sometime...... “Thank you Anji, thank you for bringing me back...... thank you”. Garima no need to thank me. The Garima I had met today was not the Garima I knew. I want her back. “I will try Anji, but it’s going to be difficult”. I know you can, please as a favour to me ..... I want my childhood Garima back.

We kept on sitting for long in silence just holding each other’s hand. “Good night Anji”. Good night Garima. Soon Garima was asleep, but sleep was far from my eyes. I kept tossing in my bed, I was feeling so claustrophobic. I got up and walked out to the patio.

It was still pouring, as if God and the weather wanted some things more to be washed off. It was dark outside with the entire sky being lit, by lightning occasionally. I loved the sound of rain falling on the ground, tin shades. I don’t for how long I was watching the nature’s phenomenon. The spell was broken by Bhupesh’s voice. “How is she Anji?” Bhupesh came and stood next to me. “She is fine Bhupesh. She is fine.” “You are not sleeping Anji?” “You are also not sleeping Bhupesh.” “I don’t know if I would ever sleep now. I am sorry Anji, I am really sorry, tell her I am sorry”. “Things would not change by your feeling sorry Bhupesh. Nor would they get better if you keep up in this manner.” “What have I done Anji..... what have I done..... I have ruined my life, I have ruined her life”. Bhupesh had started crying now.

“Bhupesh nothing can be changed, probably it was destined this way. The past has spoiled the present but please don’t let the past spoil the future. It has been a difficult day for Garima ......”

“Only for Garima, not for me?” Bhupesh didn’t let me complete my sentence. “What about me Anji.... what about me, why you females only think about females..... don’t I have feelings, I have also suffered”.

“Suffered, yes you have suffered Bhupesh. You have suffered whenever you have slept with Priya, you have suffered when you have again and again satisfied your physical desires with Priya’s body.” My voice was full of contempt now. “You are talking about suffering Bhupesh..... did you feel dirty or guilty when you touched Priya? Did Priya’s lips remind you of Garima’s lips when you kissed her passionately, satisfying your physical desires? Did that ever happen..... no it didn’t and it would never happen. You would go back from here. Probably remember this episode for few hours, then your manliness would take over and you would get hungry. You would need a body to satisfy your hunger and Priya would be there ...... unaware, just happy that her Parmeshwar is back...... happy to be able to satisfy your hunger. I am sorry I don’t want to understand your sufferings”.

Saying this, I walked up to my room. Garima was sleeping peacefully. She was looking so innocent. Child like ..... holding on to my pillow for comfort. I walked up to her and kissed her. Then I sat on the lounger. I don’t know when I slept...... I was woken up by my alarm. It was 6.00 in the morning.

After freshening up, I walked out. It was still raining and was very dark. I walked up to the reception. Ranjan’s staff was up and awake. “I want to make a call.” “Sure Mam”.
Hello is it me you are looking for....
The whole stanza completed, but the phone was not picked up.
Where is he? Why is he not picking up the call? I want to speak to him.
“Do you want me to try again Mam”? “No thanks.”

I walked up to the Dining Hall. Rishi and Jas were already sitting there. “Hey Anji, good morning” Jas chirped like a bird. I wanted to ask her what is so good about the morning but could only mutter Good morning. “How’s Garima now Anji?” Rishi asked. “She is fine. She had slept peacefully and was still sleeping when I had left the room. She had a difficult day yesterday. Chal let me wake her up and bring her here.” “No you have a cup of tea with me, let Jas go and wake her” Rishi said in an authoritative tone. I was surprised but just said ok. Jas left to bring in Garima.
“So what’s your plan?” Rishi asked. “Huh, plan, we are struck here so whatever you guys plan, I would have to be a part of it.” “Nahin I meant something else.....but forget about it for now”. I was not able to understand Rishi’s mood. What has happened to him? Thankfully before he could ask anything else we saw Jas and Garima coming together.

“Hi Anji, why didn’t you wake me before you left..... akele akele Rishi se baat karna chahti thi kya?” Who is this ..... is this the same Garima, who had slept with me in my room last night or by some magic she has been transformed into my school mate – the acidic sarcastic Garima. “Hey don’t look so serious, I was just kidding”. I am sure my school mate Garima is back.

Soon others started coming in the Dining hall. With all the noises and different activities it was difficult to imagine what had happened yesterday and what was in store today.

“Who’s next?” asked Garima. “Hey Garima let’s freshen up first and have breakfast and then we can continue with the game”. Ranjan authoritatively said. Everyone agreed and soon came back in the dining area. Rishi was looking a dapper in his blue tees and jeans. Jas was looking equally beautiful and relaxed in her red dress. What a colour choice – Red..... but she was looking so beautiful – sophisticated and mature. Then I saw Rohit-he was looking stunning in his off white kurta with chikan kari and black denims. No wonder he is among the top models in the country today and as I could make out from Sania’s discussions with Meeta, he is also trying his hands in movies and television. Definitely would have a huge female fan following.
I was feeling slightly out of place – un-ironed loose Black Tee which we created for a movie promotion with all logos and name of the movie and loose denims. But I think everyone here expected this from me.......I have always been like this.

Breakfast was served. I think the only question which was running in everyone’s mind was who is going to be next? What is going to happen now? The tension was palpable.

Chapter 5

Garima was getting fidgety now “Who’s next, Come on Who’s next”. Ranjan looked irritated with Garima and was about to say something to Garima, when Rohan stopped him. “Garima, hold your horses..... if no one starts, I promise I would.” “No need to do that”, Jas said.
“Not here Jas, not here- lets all move to the lounge” Ranjan said. Soon everyone settled down. I picked my favourite recliner but unlike yesterday could not close my eyes. I looked at Jas. She was no more the chirpy Jas I had seen in the morning. She sounded and looked so different – so grown up all of a sudden. I could not think of her having any dark secrets – she fell in love, married her love...... what could be wrong in her life? And God forbid, if there was something, I didn’t want to imagine it.

Rishi was sitting next to Jas, holding her hand and watching her, as if what Jas was going to say was only for him.

“Whatever I am going to share with you guys I have already shared with Rishi. There is no secret left between us ...... it was important for him to know. After meeting all of you now and especially her, I felt that it is also important for her to know.”
Her, who’s her? I could not imagine the person Jas was talking about. Anyway I will have to wait to ask her or guess myself.
“When I saw Rishi for the first time in school it was love at first sight for me, though what true love is, I realised after my marriage only. Rishi had recently joined our school along with a whole bunch of boys. Most of them were his class mates in previous school, so he didn’t have to go through the trouble of making friends among the boys. Girls were still not friendly with the new group. Oh sorry! Anji was friendly with the group – but we never counted her as one of the girls and I don’t think the boys thought about her as one either.

We were in the prime of our teens - our hormones were raging, we all needed someone in our life, someone who would be attracted to us, someone who would cater to all our whims and fancy and someone who would make us feel like prince and princess. I wanted Rishi to be that special someone but was aware that many, not only from our class but our juniors also, were in the same boat.
I had the option of asking Anji to introduce us, but Anji was Jhalli. She would have never understood. A year passed by – the interactions had started but I never got the opportunity to tell my feelings to Rishi. Other than Rishi, many other boys from the new group had started interacting with us and a few of them had got very friendly too. HE was one such boy-impish, monkey like, fun loving and very friendly. Time was running away, in a few months time, this phase in life was to end and new phase was to start. I could not wait any longer. I shared my feelings with HIM while going back home one day. He laughed – “that’s it, you like Rishi..... our Rishi...... and till date you have not told him, no problem, this can be fixed today itself”. Today ????? “Yes today –5.00 clock at the book shop, we would wait for you.”

It was still three more hours to go, but I already had butterflies in my stomach. I called up Divyanshi and asked her to accompany me. Mom didn’t suspect anything though I had worn my best dress. The 10 minute walk to book shop from my house with Divyanshi seemed like ages. They were there – seeing him, made me skip a heartbeat. What will happen, how will I say something to him?
All these questions were soon answered by HIM. “Hi Jas and Divyanshi, we are planning to go the Cherry Tree- why don’t you join us?” As if we needed an invite? “Sure”. “So you and Rishi go ahead and hold on to a space there and Divyanshi and I would catch up with you in few minutes after paying for the books here”. We agreed.

Cherry Tree – the local bakery joint was close by. Once there, we picked up the seats facing the window on the main road. For me it was now or never, but I was tongue tied. “Jas would you like to have something while we are waiting for them?” I could just nod a yes. Rishi left. Those few minutes ...... I kept on planning what I would say to him, how I would say...... there was a conflict going on between my heart and my mind. “Hey Jas where are you lost”? Rishi was back – so soon.....”Nowhere ah nowhere.” There was a pastry box on the table. I didn’t make a move to open it – I was not feeling hungry at all. “Jas would you please open the box” Rishi sounded impatient. Terrified...... with trembling hands I opened the box – there was one of those famed strawberry pastry inside – but hey this was not the regular square shaped one, this one was a special pastry – a heart shaped.
“Jas, I know why you are here........ “. I wanted to jump with joy but my expressions were that of being puzzled. “Can I hear it from you?”
Rishi I I I......... I could just mumble these words. I saw Divyanshi and HIM entering the joint. Rishi I love you ....... and within seconds the entire pastry was in my mouth. I didn’t want to share it with anyone.....neither the pastry nor the guy who had bought that pastry. Rishi laughed at my sudden reaction.
“So what have you guys been doing?” “Nothing yaar we have been gulping down pastries while waiting for you guys and I believe now Jas wants to leave? Leave, I didn’t want to leave, why so soon. But could not say anything and just went out with Divyanshi.
I don’t remember what Divyanshi said to me, I don’t remember what Mom said to me when I was home. I was in the seventh heaven. The only question which I had was what’s next? What’s next ...... every one of you know about it...some of you helped us also.
I was always thankful and felt indebted to HIM – I always felt that if he wouldn’t have helped me I wouldn’t have found Rishi. But my gratitude was taken in a wrong sense. There were times when HE would call me and discuss about Rishi. Initially everything was fine, but then he started getting into very intimate details. It was strange because till now even Rishi and I had not started sharing such details.

I tried avoiding talking to HIM – it was difficult as I always felt guilty, because of my feeling indebted to HIM. Soon the school ended.

We entered a new phase of our lives – lots of freedom but no one to give us directions. Thankfully most of you were there with me in the same college, so adjusting was not difficult. The best part - Rishi also was there. HE was not there with us- no one among us (at least till today I thought so) knew where he was. Soon his calls stopped. I was happy I would not have to feel guilty.

Rishi and I became closer. When most of you were looking at short term relationships, we had already started planning our future. We knew that the path would not be easy. His Gujrati family would definitely find it difficult to accept a Punjabi girl as a daughter in law and that too for their only son. But Rishi was confident that I would win them over. My family also would have preferred a groom from their own community and that too rich and well settled. Rishi once again was confident of winning them over. Rishi wanted to get financially independent as soon as possible-it would be easier to convince my parents then.

Our college life was soon coming to an end – but there was no urgency at our end. I was planning for post graduation and my parents were fine with that. They were not rushing me in to marriage. Rishi had already planned out everything, moving to Mumbai after graduation, working as well as studying further. The only sad part was staying apart for a long period, but then I knew it was for our good. Soon Rishi left with promises of regular calls, visit in every 3 month – yes he did keep his promise.

Everything was planned everything seemed to be in order. But when has something happened as planned, with every order one gets a bundle of chaos and disorder. Initial days without Rishi were really hard on me. I felt lonely, upset and insecure. I wanted to share my insecurities, my pain and my loneliness with everyone around me.

She was also there. When did she became so understanding, when did she became so mature – I would not know, I didn’t even knew what she was like, actually no one in the class knew, in fact we never bothered to know about her. Yet she was there....... like a true friend, observant, supportive and always giving me courage and hope. I opened up to her ....... yes I opened up to her ......but never realised that she had not opened up, I was least bothered. I wanted an agony aunt and she was there. She was good, unbiased, truthful and yes always there for both of us – helping us cope with the long distance relationship in an era with technological handicaps.

Thanks to her, I had started feeling very confident about my relationship with Rishi. Rishi also had religiously kept his promise and tried being there for me whenever it was possible. In fact I was hopeful that soon we would be together forever.”
Jas paused, took a sip of her drink. My eyes were getting moist now. I turned my face away from Jas. Phillip was missing from the room.

“Then after two years, I got a call from HIM at night. He was back in Delhi (where had he gone – I didn’t care) and had joined one of the biggest international airlines. He sounded so different, suave, mature, refined. He didn’t discuss much – general chit chat about our group and especially the female brigade, who’s doing what, where are they and so on. Soon his calls became frequent. The discussions used to be general chit chat about the school days, school gang, his day in office, and so on. There was nothing I could get uncomfortable with, so I was happy. He never asked me about my relationship with Rishi, in fact he never discussed Rishi.

The phase before the dawn is the darkest. Rishi informed that his company was sending him for training to Singapore, it was the last phase-just a year and then he would come and speak to my parents. Just a year ...... just a year for him..... but for me it looked like ages .... no regular phone calls, no visit... how would I survive. She was there..... helping me survive. But this time she was different....... she seemed so far off, I was not bothered about what was the reason...... I wanted someone who was close by.

HE was the option. I started sharing things about our relationship. He heard. Unlike her, he always took my side – I was right and Rishi was always wrong. Soon I started believing him........yes I started believing him, the confidence in my relationship with Rishi started waning off. I was becoming insecure and HE was adding to this insecurity. My interactions with her started reducing and I started becoming more and more dependent on HIM for advice.
Then one day he dropped by my office in the evening – said he was passing by, I believed. Let’s go out for a cup of coffee .....I agreed, that hour was fun filled, great ambiance and a great company. He was fun.... relaxed and so sophisticated. How did he always know the right things to be said to a lonely female...... Soon these passing by increased, our coffee outings also increased. There was no one who could bring me back to reality – Rishi was far off...... I had just received a few letters from him in past 5 months..... she was close by but I had closed my doors for her ...... who wanted her when I had a lively company. Honestly, no one was required to show me the reality I could have seen it myself..... but I didn’t want to... I had closed my eyes.
HE started sharing his intimate details with me, his intimate desires.... his fantasies, his liking and disliking for few members of our girl brigade. I was not uncomfortable ...... they were his details not mine.......He used to find her snooty, she needed to be shown her place....... I didn’t agree but I didn’t say anything to him. He never liked her bonding with Rishi...... why should she be there..... I started believing him. Yes she was not required in our life.......the distance between us increased and distance between HIM and me reduced....

God has his own ways and I believe he is always there to protect people. I think it was his divine intervention that opened my eyes. HE was a friend and nothing more. I had not wanted anyone else in my life but Rishi, and this was very clear to all around us. But soon, HE started questioning my relationship with Rishi, did Rishi deserve a girl like me, how could I trust Rishi when he is so far away. I didn’t react at first but soon it started getting irritating, with him always wanting to know our intimate details – when did Rishi call last, what did we speak, did I fantasise about Rishi? I was uncomfortable but I could never voice it out and HE had decided not to take any hints. It was getting so frustrating, I was feeling entangled in the web, I could not share this with anyone.”

Jas stopped. Rishi patted her hand.

“Rishi had been away for almost 11 months now...... I had not heard his voice for so long...... and then his call came. “Another month Jas and I am coming home, I am coming home to you..........” I broke down, but I could not share it with him also. I feared, yes I feared..... I feared Rishi would not understand me after all HE was Rishi’s friend. “Jas, Jas calm down I am coming home and I promise your wait is going to end, I promise.” I could not tell him anything. Oh god why why why???

As if she knew.... she called me the next day. “How are you Jas? Sorry could not call you, have been busy with work, I am really sorry”. Sorry, why was she being sorry, I had not wanted her. “Please don’t cry, I know Rishi’s absence is taking a toll on you but this is not going to help. Think about him, how he would feel seeing you in pain.....” I could hear what she was saying but nothing was registering.... I felt as if I was sinking.
I was on call with her when HE came. “Hey was it Rishi? Did he say something, did you say something? I have told you he is an idiot, why do you bother about him, you will have better options.” It was not Rishi, I was talking to. I was talking to her. The irritation in my voice was clear.
“Whoooa Miss Ugly Snooty Piggie..... so you are in touch with her.” I should have kicked him, but I didn’t. Yes I am in touch with her. “Where is she?” She is here only and is working with.....”Working???” HE had cut me short before I could say anything. “Hey give me her number. She is working ..... that’s interesting, it would be fun to talk to Miss Piggie”. I wanted him off my back that day. I gave him the number. Surprisingly he left.

Next day she called me. “Hey Jas, I got a call from HIM, how did he get my number?” Yes how did he get her number? Only Rishi and I had her number. I gave it to HIM.... kyon anything wrong. “No nothing.....” She never opened up to me. I don’t know what happened to her. I didn’t bother to find out also. I believed that nothing happens to girls like her.

Thankfully HIS visits and call stopped. Rishi was back. I was so happy. I met his parents, they accepted. Now it was the time for my parents. It took Rishi two years... but finally they agreed. I completely forgot about her. HE came back – this time as a friend to Rishi. HE was the ghost who kept on haunting me.

I never tried calling her up. She was in touch with Rishi. All of you had come for our wedding, I forgot to invite her. Then I forgot about her completely. I got busy with my life.

“How long you have not spoken to her?” Rishi asked me after a month of our wedding. “Why?” “Tell me Jas how long you have not spoken to her?” “I don’t remember. Could be a year or so........” “A year, you have not spoken to her for a year??” “Why what’s wrong, I didn’t call her and she didn’t call.” I was getting angry, HIS ghost was haunting me, everything which he had tutored about her was coming back. “What’s wrong Jas? Why are you getting irritated?” “Why am I getting irritated – why are you so bothered about her?” “Why am I bothered about her? What’s wrong Jas – is something troubling you, I know something is troubling you....tell me Jas, please tell me?” Saying this he held me in his arms. His soothing words, his touch...... no I could not hold it any longer. I told Rishi everything.

“Jas, Jas my love, why didn’t you tell me all this earlier? Why did you go through so much pain and guilt? Why did you let HIM haunt you? Firstly he never brought us together. In fact the day you had told HIM, he had made fun of you and your feelings. I didn’t reciprocate because of HIM. I was also attracted towards you but could not say the same to you. HE was never a friend, just a class mate. You have been and will always be the most important thing in my life. Even if I am in doubt, I would always come and ask you first. I promise you that from this moment HE or HIS ghost would never haunt you again. I am worried about her because of HIM only.”

“Worried about her because of HIM? Why, Why Rishi, is there something which I don’t know? Please Rishi tell me what has happened to her. I am sorry she has always been there .......but I never understood her, I have known her for so many years....... but I never understood her......she has always been so different.”

“Jas, I thought you understood her. It is okay, I am not blaming you or anyone here. She is different – she is a coconut- tough for people who don’t know her and emotional for people who know her. I am worried about her because she has just vanished. No calls from her for so long. Our wedding invite also came back – no one at that address. She has left the organisation. Her colleagues told me about her plans of going away from the city but no one knows where – she had never opened to them. She was so vulnerable, I felt responsible for her...... she was my little doll..... and she is lost now.....I had met HIM today and had asked about her. HE had no idea about her. They have not MET for almost 7 months now. HE was least bothered. I wish I knew what has happened to her. I will never forgive myself if something happens to her.”
The mist had cleared. Everything was so clear now. I was so proud of Rishi. I am lucky I found a person who was so loving, caring and compassionate.
“Rishi nothing would happen to her. I am sure nothing has and nothing would happen to her. Our wishes would always be with her and I am sure wherever she is, she is going to be fine.” Deep inside, I wanted every word of mine which I had said to comfort Rishi come true.
Rishi and I always worried about her. Soon God blessed us with our own Doll. Today I can tell everyone that there was not a moment we had not thought about her; there was not a moment when I had prayed that whatever I had told Rishi that day comes true. I still don’t know whether my prayers were answered in earnest but I am happy to see her today.”

I could not sit there anymore, I was feeling breathless.....sorry Jas, sorry, I could not hear anything more and walked out of the room. Phillip was entering the room.

It was still raining outside......I walked out. Each drop of water felt like acid.....it was painful but I wanted this pain. This is nothing compared to........

Chapter 6

“Anji....Anji.....Anji” Rishi’s voice came from far off...... “Anji....Anji”. I was being shaken......”Anji..... what are you doing?” “What I am doing Rishi? What am I doing...........what am I supposed to do? Have you guys planned something for me..... please tell me.”

I can still feel the sting of that slap.

“Shut up, Anji and come inside”. Rishi ordered. Jas was standing by him. She held my hand. I wanted to run but didn’t. “Jas get her to change and both of you come back to lounge in 5 minutes”. “5 minutes”. “Yes Jas 5 minutes”. Jas took me to my room. There was nothing much to choose from. We were back in the lounge. Not a word had been spoken between us. Rishi was standing at the door.
“Hey guys come inside I have an important announcement to make”. It was Ranjan. We walked in. “I have spoken to the authorities, if everything goes fine and the weather predictions come true, we can be back home in two days”. This time I didn’t grumble about my office, this time I didn’t rush to make a call. Nothing mattered to me now. Everything would soon end.

What is happening? Why is this happening? The world which all of us knew till sometime back has changed. Was the world we were living till some time back real or was this the real world. Things were moving around in pace to which I was not accustomed to. I was being sucked inside a whirlpool and was not even struggling to come out.

“Who’s next?” No, it was not Garima. She was busy stuffing herself with roasted groundnuts. It was Meeta. “What next, what next.... enough of this stupid game, we have had enough”. Bhupesh and Phillip shouted in unison, hoping others to support them. “No we are not ending it, we started it and we would end it the way we had decided. Cowards can leave.” Ranjan’s voice boomed in the lounge. Bhupesh and Phillip got up to leave.

“No my dear friend, you can’t leave now....you have not really entered your hell, but would really enter it soon.” Rishi held Bhupesh’s hand firmly. Bhupesh wanted to leave but couldn’t, he angrily sat down. “I don’t know who’s number is next, my heart wants to open up and so I would. I don’t know if what I am going to say is important for all of you, but it’s important for me and the two people in this room who I love the most in this world.” Hearing this from Rishi, Jas came and sat right next to me. She held my hand.

“I had a very different upbringing. I was in all-boys school till I came to this school. I had no sister, but I always wanted to have one, my own little doll, someone whom I could care for, someone whom I could protect, someone whom I could give the world. This school was different, the attention that I was getting from girls, hormonal imbalances – yes we boy’s also go through this, everything was a deadly cocktail. I was not a Casanova like my dear friend. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. She was the first one to welcome all of us, help us understand the system, help us with studies and help us in every possible manner making our transition easy. Her presence used to brighten up everything. She used to be there for everyone. She was different – mysterious. I was attracted to her ....yes I loved her ......but not the kind of love which all of us in that age group would have wanted. It was a love between siblings....yes I had found my sister...my doll. The more I got to know her, the more the attraction increased. She started opening up, but I always felt that she was hiding something, something which she wanted me to know but couldn’t. I asked her a lot of time to tie a Rakhi to me, I wanted the world to know that she was mine....my sister, I wanted her to know that I am there for her, I would shield her, I would protect her. She laughed it off always saying that a bond like ours like doesn’t need a thread. In her laughter there was something hidden, something which was hurting her badly. I still don’t know what it was, I wanted to know, but could never. She was pure – pure like a dew drop, delicate very delicate, touch her and she would disintegrate. I had decided that I would always be there for her, would try to possibly protect, I would not let anything hurt her now. She was the one who introduced me to the love of life. Yes she understood, she was a silent observer, she observed everything and understood everything. She knew that ‘She’ was attracted to me, she used to like her; she knew I liked her. She kept urging me to make the move, and when I told her that I had taken the step, she was on the top of the world. Always telling me what ‘She’ would like, how I should behave with ‘Her’. Yes all of us thought – oh no, most of us never thought about her, she was just like our class blackboard, our seat, our notebook – she was required in the same fashion. No one ever took her to be alive, a living being who was going through the same phase as we were. None of you bothered about what she wanted, what she wanted to say. She was opening up, opening up to me, I always felt that she would soon get rid of that pain....she would speak up. But then.....then for someone, something changed, my sister was brave, braver than anyone of us, a girl who could do anything we boys could do, and possibly sometimes some things better than us. My great friend Mr. Casanova had a long list of admirers, he had conquered many of admirers in our juniors and his eyes were now focused on our class. Life was a challenge, a bet for him and his new found friend. Anything and any one with whom he felt challenged had to be conquered. She had to be conquered, not out of love, but because she came as a mighty opponent.”

I felt something burning inside me. It was difficult for me to sit. Jas held my hand strongly. I closed my eyes, tears had started rolling down.
“Things changed, every action of her was now noticed and at times appreciated – Hey great drawing skills, Hey you were good in the Kho Kho match today. She was confused and perplexed, she didn’t know what was happening. I stepped in. I checked in with Mr. Casanova, he denied any malicious intentions, I was a fool I believed him- believed that just like me he had seen the beautiful person she was. He became cautious and was on his best behaviour, no more Casanova, acted like someone who had finally found that someone special. She was not falling, she was like a stone wall, holding every knock. But then she was going through the same phase, she also wanted to feel special, she also wanted someone to make her feel special. Time was passing and Mr. Casanova was getting desperate. Then the School Fete came, she had been doing a lot of running around since morning, helping all of us in the three stalls, ensuring everyone was well fed and our energy levels didn’t drop during the day. The teachers also were using her, forgetting that she was not a robot and needed rest. By the end of the day, she was ready to drop, but all of us were not bothered. I was at fault. Someone noticed it before I noticed. It was Mr. Casanova – Hey would you like to eat something, okay let me get you something to drink, no I am not going to hear a no. Oh my God you are hurt, you have got a deep gash. Soon I saw him rushing with a first aid box and cleaning her wound. Rishi, don’t worry she is fine. I will drop her home, okay madam I would walk with you till your home, don’t want you falling to sleep on the road. She laughed, her laughter was pure and innocent. I could not see the pain this time. I was happy. Happy for her and after all he was my friend, he will not harm my sister. The damage had been done – the first hole in the wall.”

Rishi stopped and took a sip of water. I opened my eyes, he was looking tired. I was burning now.

“I was a fool, I allowed her to be fooled. He used to walk her home every day. She used to tell me everything that happened. She didn’t want to rush, always said that everything has a time. I was amazed at her understanding; she was happy and started talking about some happy incidences from her childhood. It was for the first time someone had feelings for her – yes she told me, she had liked someone in Xth but was not sure what it was, but then he never bothered and she never had the courage and then he moved, and she moved – no regrets. And then........”

Rishi’s voice choked. He stopped. Walked up to us and sat with us. Jas was holding both of us. She was like a bridge. He took another sip from his glass.

“The school organised a trip to Naintal for two days, her parents were not permitting her, she was also not willing. He insisted, she was troubled. I spoke to her parents, our class teacher spoke to them, they agreed. She was child like at the start of the journey – a lovely imp. I was loving this change in her. Whatever had caused her that pain was fading away. The love of my life was with me, her group was showering a lot of attention on us. My focus got shifted, yes I was focusing only on my love, completely forgetting about her – but she was fine, I was fine because I felt she was in safe hands. I don’t know what happened – she never told me, but after the first night, I lost the bubbly child. She became silent, sullen. She was first at the breakfast table, I saw her, lost and sitting in a corner. I walked up to her. Kya hua? Nothing then why are you like this? Where is he? What has happened, did you guys fight? You want me to talk to him? I was questioning her and she was just answering in mono syllables, her eyes were swollen – probably she had cried the whole night. I was angry, I wanted to go right away and talk to him. She stopped me - I am missing my parents and I want to go back soon. I knew she was lying but could do nothing. She wanted me to leave her alone. I could do nothing, she was firm. Then I saw them – the newest love birds, at the breakfast table they became the centre of attention – the prince and the princess. My love and I had been together for long now but were not comfortable in doing what they were doing. The only thing which probably controlled them was that our teachers were there. No one noticed her moving out. I was angry, very angry – after breakfast I confronted him, the princess was by his side – what are you doing? what have you done to her? The answer from him broke something inside me – she was not his type and that I should not bother as she is still the same as she was in the beginning. The princess was laughing. During the rest of the trip, she kept to herself, busy helping the teachers and gathering nature samples, she was not there in any of our photographs, even in the group photograph she was hiding her face, probably she didn’t wanted to remember this trip. She didn’t speak to me too. We came back. She had closed herself. In school she was the same girl I had met when I had joined, no one noticed and no one bothered. I tried and tried to open her but she wouldn’t budge. She had changed. I was in hell. I stopped talking to the prince, didn’t know what was happening. The princess was a good friend of my love, so I couldn’t avoid them. My love believed blindly in the princess. Then just before our final exams, I saw a change in her – one morning she landed in school, her waist long hairs had been chopped into a new shoulder length style. She was looking good but as usual everyone made fun of her – Ms froggie was trying to become Cindrella. She was not bothered, she had started keeping to herself. She interacted with me, but the interactions were more about me and not about her. We had our farewell, we had to come as couples, our juniors had decided the couples – I got my love, Prince got the Princess and she got Gagan, the dumbest boy in the class. She was not bothered, Gagan was bothered – after all, how would he look with Ms. Frog, she had no style. He made it sure that she knows about his dislike. But my sister proved him wrong, she dazzled everyone at the Farewell, she was not following any trend but she was like a trendsetter, dressed in a blue and purple sari. I didn’t know this person...she looked so strong and determined, yet I felt there was something amiss. The exams came and went, except the regular interactions, I could not get anything from her. I continued with my one call a week and she didn’t ask for anything more. The results came, she was not there, her parents had come to see the same. It’s on that day, I heard Mr. Casanova and his new best friend talking about the bet – they were fighting, no, Mr. Casanova had not lost, he had just stopped trying as he had found his true love in Ms. Princess. Casanova’s best friend was not ready to believe, Mr. Casanova boasted how he started crumbling her, but she was not worth wasting time. I couldn’t take it anymore and Mr. Casanova carried a black eye back home. I called her, she said she knew and was not bothered, and that she had forgotten, we should all move ahead. She didn’t keep in touch with anyone except me.

All of us were together in North Campus, she wanted to be away from us, she joined South campus. She kept in touch, of and on shared her college details, I had found my ways to track her, one of our college classmate’s sister was studying with her, she had changed, she was becoming a fire brand, firm very firm and determined. If she had taken a stand for something no one could change her decisions now. But I knew behind that hard shell was still the same tender person, probably more vulnerable now than before. Her outer shell was a good way to keep people away from her. She joined the management course- the outer shell also attracted a lot of people to her now. Still she kept to herself. She was going through a lot of pain and didn’t share, she was hurting herself, but she didn’t allow anyone to come closer to understand her. I was lucky, I was allowed in her inner circle, but she never shared her pain, no childhood memories were shared, nothing – oh no, there was someone else also in her inner circle. She talked about him, I wanted to meet him. She said, we can, when the right time comes, and then we met .........their last meeting. I knew she was broken but she refused any help. Within a few weeks she became an iron wall, no one could enter. She was the topper, got placed with a good organisation. A good worker, an asset to the company, that’s what her boss said when I accompanied her to the New Year’s party. She had not changed, she was still hurting herself. I got busy with my life, my love had started getting friendly with her, so I was relaxed that even when I am not there, she would have someone around her. I had adjusted to the fact that she has closed herself for ever. I felt guilty and her pain increased the guilt, I was helpless and could do nothing. But things never remain the same, she told me about Casanova’s best friend, I warned her, she agreed. And then......”

I felt the fire engulfing me, the tears had dried up. Everything around me just blanked out.

Chapter 7

I woke up, the burning had not gone. But there was something cold on my forehead. I was in my bed, the water drenched cloth strip on my forehead. Rishi was sitting on a chair beside me. He was crying. Jas, Rohan and Ranjan were all standing around me. “Hey what happened?” I tried getting up. “Don’t, you dare get up.” Rishi spoke angrily. “But Rishi...” “No but’s and if’s, Anji I am not listening anything, you have high fever and you are going to take rest and that’s final”. Jas started sobbing. “Hey Jas, I am fine, thoda sa fever hi to hai, don’t worry, I will just take a Crocin and I would be fine. Rishi please, I will behave like a good girl now.” This sentence of mine brought a watery smile on Rishi’s face.

“Anji please have this kada – you will feel better”. Ranjan spoke apologetically giving me cup of his ayurvedic remedy. I took it, it was strong but I felt better after drinking it. Rohan gave me the medicine. I closed my eyes, I was feeling as if the fire had turned me into ash, nothing was left, I didn’t want anything to be left now.

“How is she now? What had happened?” I could hear the others coming in but I didn’t open my eyes. “She has very high fever and when we spoke to the doctor he said she had probably fainted because of that. We need to monitor her fever and he has advised that we should use the wet cloth on forehead method to bring down the temperature.” Ranjan was busy giving details to others. Rishi was busy changing the cloth strip on my forehead. I was feeling horrible.

“Jas you go have lunch”. Rishi was busy ordering Jas. “Should I bring something for you?” “No, I will not be able to have anything”. “Rishi, you go and have lunch, I am sitting here with Anji”. It was Rohit. “No Rohit, I will not leave her like this.” “Rishi, trust me, I would take care of her, till you come back.” “Sorry Rohit but....”. “Thank you Rohit, please take care of her, Rishi would just join you back”. It was Jas, I don’t know what she did or say to Rishi, but then I couldn’t hear their voices. There was a hand on my forehead, even with a wet strip between us, I could feel it was not Rishi. I opened my eyes, it was Rohit, my heart started beating fast, there was still something left which had not turned into ash. “Anji, how are you feeling now? Do you want something”. “Thanks, I am feeling horrible and I would like it if you could remove your hand.” I was at my curtest best. Rohit didn’t look hurt, he smiled and removed his hand – “As you wish Madam”. I wanted to kick him. “Can you leave me alone Rohit?” “No I can’t, I have promised Rishi that I would take care of you till he comes back”. Rohit was now busy changing the strip. I raised my hand to stop him, but he held my hand. I was angry and felt helpless, tears started rolling. “Anji why do you have to be like this always? Why can’t I help you? Why can’t you trust me? Why are you angry with me? Why can’t you say it?” Rohit’s statement brought the fire back in me or probably it was the effect of the medicine. I got up with a start and pushed him back. He was taken aback. “What have I done to you Rohit, I have not done anything, I could never do anything to you or anyone, you would help me – you? You could never understand me, for you I was just a stupid idiot, someone you could make fun of. What do you want to know? Tell me what do you want to know?” “Anji calm down please”. “No Rohit what do you want to hear?” Rohit had realised, I was not going to be calmed down. “Okay Anji I want to know about us, I want to know about you”. “Us, Rohit us, who is this us – you and me, when did we become us, okay so you knew about my feelings, but when did we speak about it. Yes I liked you, I liked your sense of humour, I was fond of your singing but that’s it. I didn’t know what I wanted, yes in today’s lingo I can say that you were probably my first crush but then that crush was crushed long back.” I was feeling thirsty now, Rohit realised the same and offered me a glass of water. “Anji do you regret it? I gave you hints but you never took them, remember that game – Who’s the killer, I hinted you but you didn’t take the hint. In the Christmas party that our class teacher gave, I sang “Last Christmas” for you but you didn’t take the hint. In the farewell I wanted to talk to you many times, but you were busy with that Vimla, you never took hints. My entire group knew about it and used to make fun of me, then, I got tired and met Chandana”. “Hints? Hints? I was not a professional Rohit, the fact is that I didn’t know what I wanted. I was just 14 years old. No I don’t regret it. Yes my heart skipped a beat, seeing you after so long. But now I am sure it would not even skip that. You were probably an infatuation which ended today.” “Anji...” “Rohit, I don’t want to talk any further and would rather prefer if you leave it like that, as I would like to remember you as a good classmate and in future if ever our paths cross again I would at least like to acknowledge your presence”. I closed my eyes, I wished I was a pigeon who could close his eyes and feel confident that the cat would not kill him. Rohit looked confused.

Rishi was standing at the door and smiling. He could see the light coming in, Jas wiped off the tear from his eyes. “Hey Rohit, I am back you can go and have your lunch now. Thanks.” “No problem yaar, my pleasure.” Rohit was confused, he didn’t know what had happened. “Anji, I know you are not sleeping, chal get up and have the vegetable soup. Ranjan has got it made fresh. I know it’s not your favourite but you need it.” Rishi was at his authoritative best, I was not getting angry, I was liking it. Jas propped up the pillows and made me sit. Both of them were treating me like a small kid, I think with kids of their own, they had a lot of hands on experience.

“Jas ask Garima to move into our room, you bring in our stuff here.” “What’s your plan Rishi?” “No plans Jas, just do what I am saying.” In a few minutes Garima and Meeta popped inside, “Hey Jas get well soon, there is so much to be done.” I was irritated, so much to be done, who is stopping them. “Garima she will be fine, just let her take rest and then we can all do what we want to do.” Rishi’s tone ended the discussion, I didn’t have to say anything. This feeling was divine, there was someone who was fighting for me, someone, who I felt now would be there behind me when I will be fighting my battles. I curled up in the blanket and closed my eyes, this time to sleep peacefully, my demons and nightmares could wait.

“Rishi do you feel she is ready, will she be able to handle it?” “Yes Jas, it’s now or never, look at her, doesn’t she remind you of our little Niyamat, doesn’t Niyamat sleep like this holding my hand, the poison has taken its toll, she needs to throw it out of her system, that is the only way she can heal.” “But how’s it going to happen Rishi, we know nothing, no one knows.” “Jas I have an idea, just wait here, let me speak to everyone.”

It was dark outside when I opened my eyes. Jas was sitting with me. “How are you feeling now Anji, the fever has come down.” “I am feeling better now Jas, thanks, where’s Rishi?” “Oh he is here only, just organising a little evening tea for all of us with Ranjan and Rohan”. “Everyone?” “Yes Anji Madam, we all are here, you forgot, we need to finish the game we started before we leave this lovely place”, Meeta jovially spoke. I was confused. I sat up. Everyone was there. What’s happening, what’s going to happen now?

“Hey guys, we have a beautiful evening planned out for all of us. Let’s take Anji to the lounge, her throne is waiting and you guys also move out”. Ranjan was looking a lot younger now. Like school kids when the school day ends and the last bell rings, everyone noisily walked out. “Anji I can carry you to the lounge”. Rohit moved towards me. “No need Rohit, you will not be able to bear my burden, I can go on my own, I don’t need you”. I jumped out of my bed angrily. Rohit looked hurt. “Rohit, you move ahead, I will bring her, Anji go and freshen up, I am waiting”. Rishi was there again for my rescue.

Chapter 8

Jas had prepared the recliner, an extra cushion, a blanket. “Anji please honour all of us, please ascend your throne.” Ranjan looked cute while trying to be at his comical best. I smiled and he smiled back. Food and drinks appeared magically. I could not resist munching on the French fries along with the aromatic ginger cardamom tea.

“It’s my turn now”. The usually quite Reena spoke up. “All of you would be thinking what secret I have, what confession I have to make?” On this statement of Reena, I could not help nodding my head in yes. I was surprised and was curious to know what she would have to say. She had such a straight life, I could not imagine anything in it.

“All of you might find my confession funny but this is what I have felt, this is what I have always desired and today I felt that this is the right forum, where I don’t have to hold pretences. Just like all of you, I had some dreams about my future, I had some simple plans. But life and my parents had some other plans for me. My parents got me married very early. I was still in college, there was no drama, I agreed to their decision; that was the way girls in our household were supposed to behave and act. Shekhar’s family was well known family in Delhi from our community. He was well settled. What else was required? I was lucky, Shekhar was understanding and loving. He helped me complete the college and promised me that he would help me fulfil my dreams. I was pregnant with Kritika when I gave my final exams. And then life took a different turn, I got busy with Kritika, then within two years Kartik came, my life revolved around my family, all my dreams were stored away somewhere in a dark corner. I was contended – Shekhar loved me, my kids loved me and his family also loved me. Within a few years, I saw a revolutionary change in our family, Shekhar’s sisters were not forced to marry early, soon they started working also. Shekhar’s brother married a girl from a different community and she continued to work after marriage. They got involved in every decision of the family, they were a part of every major discussion – after all they knew today’s world, they knew what was good and bad. Reena bhabi became a piece of old useless furniture-bhabhi aap to rehne hi do, aap se nahi hoga, aap ko kya pata hoga. Initially I laughed it off, then, even Shekhar started feeling the same – No his love for me didn’t fade, but my identity and my individuality was lost forever. I broached the subject of continuing my studies, my desire to work, with him many times, but every time it has been laughed at – what am I trying to do, support the government’s scheme of adult education? The confident Reena which you knew is now afraid to wander alone, even to a shopping mall. The feeling that I am worthless in today’s world has seeped in deep. I opened up here only because I know nothing matters here. No one is going to judge me here.”

There was pin drop silence when Reena finished. She had closed her eyes and was holding her head with her hands. Rishi was silently observing Anji.

Yes something was happening.

I was confused - how could such a thing happen to such a lively girl. Good things happen with good girls and bad things happen with bad girls like me. No one knew what to say to Reena. Rohan walked up to her, “Reena, you can never be worthless. I have known you and Shekhar for long now, you are like my family and I promise you, soon everyone will realise your worth.” Reena looked at Rohan, her gaze had a question – how.
“Hey guys lets go and have dinner. It’s getting late, the weather gods don’t seem to be appeased, they are probably waiting for something, something very big. Our Anji needs rest, tomorrow is a big day for her”. Ranjan’s announcement surprised me, but I could not think much on it. I was still thinking about Reena, what she would be feeling, how will Rohan make things better for her? We all had dinner. Rishi and Jas were pampering me like a small baby; I don’t remember when last someone had treated me like this.

“Jas, I am going to stay with Anji, we have a lot to discuss tonight. Why don’t you bless Garima with your presence today.” “Rishi I am fine...I can...” Rishi kept a finger on his lips, a signal for me since our school days to shut up. Jas smiled, kissed me on my cheek and hugged me. “Good night Anji, I hope tomorrow’s morning brings a lot of sunshine for you”. I could hear the rumbling of the clouds waiting to burst. Jas left.

“Anji there is thick hot chocolate with lots of lots of almonds – just as you like it in the flask. I know what you are thinking. You have a lot of questions in your mind, I have a lot of questions and we need to answer them today.” “I have just one question – what do you want Rishi?” I was getting irritated now. “I am not going to answer anything, I am sleepy and I am going to sleep now. Nobody and mind you nobody can dictate what I am supposed to do.” I sat on the bed angrily. Rishi came and sat on the chair next to the bed. He held my hand – “Anji, my doll, my sweet little doll listen to me, listen to me today, yes you are right, no one can dictate you, then why have you always been dictated by some ghosts from your past? How come something or someone has become so important in your life that you have forgotten your strength, why are you haunted, this ghost of yours is powerful only because you have let him live in the darkness which you have created. You never have tried to bring in the light, the moment there is light, this ghost is going to vanish.”

“I have created darkness in my life Rishi? I don’t want to bring light? Huh, what do you know about me Rishi?” I was angry, very angry now. “I want to know you Anji, all of us want to know you, why do you want to hide? You are a beautiful person, show your beauty to the world.” Rishi held me. Tears had started rolling out. “I am not beautiful Rishi, I am dirty, filthy, I am worthy to be thrown in a dustbin, useless. The moment you all would get to know the real me, you would start hating me, you would not like to see me. I have nothing left for me.” “Anji, stop being a judge and a criminal at the same time. Open up for God’s sake open up.” Rishi was agitated now, he didn’t know if his efforts were helping Anji or would she go back deeper in her shell. “God, which God are we talking about Rishi? I don’t know what God can do and what he can’t, he has never been there for me.” Something inside me was waiting to burst, but I don’t know what was holding it. Rishi offered me a glass of water. “Anji, I don’t know what has happened to you to make you so angry, but I am sure that opening up is the only way to fight back. Remember when people in the class used to make fun of you, you didn’t run away, you used to fight back. They didn’t have the courage to fight with you, they were in awe of you, they were jealous of you but they knew they couldn’t win in front of you.” Rishi’s statement surprised me. Tears stopped. People were afraid of me, in awe of me, jealous of me? I didn’t know this.

Rishi saw a faint light; yes it’s working, some more effort was needed. “Anji, why do you think they teased you? They teased you because you were different and they were afraid of this different personality. Don’t you remember your college days, didn’t you have the courage to fight against the wrong even at the cost of loosing the group of friends you had? You lost them, but stood for what was right Anji. They would have hated you for your courage but deep inside they knew you were right so they could not fight back. You are strong Anji, very strong, don’t let this ghost from the past take away your strength. Fight it, let everyone know who the ghost is, punish him for troubling you for so long. Shame him Anji Shame him. Who knows there might be many in this world or probably here who would have been troubled by similar ghosts. Your courage would help many. Open up my little doll, open up. I am here with you and trust me I would not let this ghost or any other ghost haunt you ever again”.

I was sobbing now, hiding in Rishi’s arms. These arms today were protecting me like a baby is protected. I wished these arms had been there earlier. I was enjoying the warmth. Rishi was stroking my hairs now softly. I remembered when I was small, my dad used to stroke my hairs like this. I didn’t know when I slept off, when Rishi left, when Jas came. I was woken up the sound of my alarm. Jas and Rishi were there, sitting beside me. A smile came upon my face seeing them. They smiled back. “Anji get ready, all of us are waiting for you” saying this Rishi got up. He signalled Jas to come along with him. The weather had not changed. It was still very cloudy and very dark.

Chapter 9

I changed into my dark blue tee after having a hurried bath and rushed towards the dining area. There was no one in the corridor. Everyone except Bhupesh and Phillip were there at the table which was like a foodie’s breakfast paradise. I didn’t understand. “Anji come fast, pet main choohe kud rahe hai, all of us are dying of hunger, bhookon par kuch to raham kar.” Ranjan’s statement brought a smile on my face. We were like kids again. Rishi signalled me to come and sit next to him. Like an obedient kid, I went and sat next to him. “Jas, pass me the butter and who is next today?” Rohan’s statement reminded me of the game, the game which had changed lives of many here. “Its Anji’s chance Rohan, lets finish breakfast and the move to the lounge area.” Rishi’s statement surprised me. I looked at him angrily but he patted my hand gently. I couldn’t say anything. Everyone finished and moved to the lounge. Only Rishi and I were left. “Anji open up today, please. Bring out the ghost, fight with him in open please.” Rishi’s voice was coming from far off. I looked at him, “Okay Rishi, so you want everyone to see how filthy I am, okay no issues, I know I will never meet you guys ever again in my life, so it doesn’t matter.” Rishi looked hurt at my statement, “Anji, trust me, just for this time today, trust me, this day would end differently for all of us and definitely for you, come, let’s go.” He gave me his hand and I wanted to hold it, I held it and walked with him to the lounge.

The recliner was empty. Suddenly it got very windy and within few seconds it started raining heavily. The clouds wanted everything to be let out. Ranjan, Rishi and Rohan rushed to close the windows. I took the chance to quietly move to the recliner and close my eyes. Jas noticed this. She came and sat by my side. Holding my hand, she whispered softly “Anji let everything come out today, don’t hold back. Rishi and I are there for you and would always be there.” I opened my eyes and looked at her. It was very dark outside. The storm had decided not to settle down. It was waiting for something. Outside it was very noisy and inside the room there was complete silence. I had closed my eyes, I didn’t want to see anyone. I felt Rishi’s hand on my head. “Anji, time to bring out your ghost and fight with it.” I felt a shiver down my spine, I would have to do it today. I couldn’t push it back. The time had come but I didn’t know how to start. Rishi sat next to me, softly patting my hand. “I am there, Anji, I am there”. I opened my eyes. Everyone was looking at me. I immediately shut my eyes again.

“I don’t know how all of you would react after hearing to what I have to say. I don’t know if you would like to even see my face or even acknowledge my presence after this.” “Anji stop judging...we are no one to judge anyone’s action, we are together because we want to be together with people who were with us during the best phase of our life, the phase of innocence”, Ranjan’s firm statement gave the fighter in me some strength. “Phase of innocence....yes phase of innocence, but what if this best phase was the worst phase of your life, what if in this phase, your innocence was snatched away from you and you were torn into pieces not once but many times. All of you would have lovely memories of your childhood, mostly happy ones with your families and friends, memories which bring smiles to your faces even now. But my memories are different very different. I was born in an average middle class family where both my parents had a creative bent of mind. I am told by my mother that I was a chubby baby and was attached to my father a lot. Beyond that other than the photographs my parents had clicked, I have no memories till my sister Sia was born. I remember eating horrible ridge gourd curry and rice everyday when mom was in hospital. I remember seeing Sia, a tiny baby in the hospital. I remember someone, probably my aunt asking me to give the baby a pet name and I naming her Aam as that was my favourite fruit. Thank god, grownups decided a proper name otherwise Sia would have killed me. My dad was the youngest in his family of 10 brothers and sisters. My mom was the eldest in her family of 6. I had no one of my age group in my cousins on either side. We were a nuclear family technically, but there used to be a plethora of extended family members always present in our house. Someone had some competitive exams for which they had chosen the centre as Delhi, someone was searching for a job in Delhi, someone was being shown as the potential bride or groom in the marriage market – our house always served all of them. And why not, we were living an affluent life style of upper middle class and that too in Delhi. Furthermore, everyone in our extended family felt it was their right to enjoy on my parent’s hard earned money because my parents had no one to carry on their lineage – they had no son. Dad was getting busier day by day, he had to work hard to provide for all this, his business was growing and needed most of his time. My mother was always busy, busy with her cultural and social activities, busy with her brothers, sisters, my father’s brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces. Then when Sia came in she got busy with her too. And what about me ......she had organised everything, we had maids looking after me, aunts looking after me, my cousins looking after me..... Everything was perfect, just perfect, the new baby needed her attention. I could manage, yes a small kid could manage and why couldn’t I, I had everything, all amenities, best of clothes and best of toys and above all extra loving cousins. They loved me lot, they loved playing with me.”

I choked. Something was burning inside me. Rishi gave me a glass of water. I drank it in one gulp.

“I could never figure out why they could not see a living human in me. It must have been my fault that I soon became a guinea pig for their experiments. The memories which I have never fade away, even though I have tried to erase them many times. That horrid night always remains fresh in my mind. Vikram Bhaiya had completed his college and was giving some exams. Vikram Bhaiya decided to sleep with me. Mom was happy, she could visit her friend for the trip they had been planning. I slept peacefully, I don’t know when I got up, but I was not able to breathe, our night light was not on. A hand was there on my mouth, I could hear loud panting and something heavy, as if someone had kept a lot of weight on me. I tried wriggling, but couldn’t and then I felt that immense pain, a pain I had not felt before, a pain so strong.... something was tearing me. I couldn’t bear the pain and probably fainted. When I woke up, I found our maid cleaning me, there was blood on my sheet. She was crying. I was in pain, every part of my body was paining. I wanted to go to the washroom, my maid took me, I came out shouting in pain. My maid applied some cream, but the pain came back every time I went to the washroom. Vikram Bhaiya was not there. My maid bathed me and dressed me, all the time howling, she kept on saying something in her native language. I could not understand a word. In the afternoon, she took me to a doctor – no not to my family doctor but some mumbo jumbo doctor who understood her native language. She checked me, but her touch was not soothing, it was painful. She patted on my cheeks, said something to the maid. We came back. Mom came back after three days with Sia. She was tired after her trip. I wanted to tell her about the pain, but she was in no mood to listen. She asked the maid what happened, the maid told her that I had fallen from the swing while playing. Mom scolded me for being naughty and told me that God punishes naughty kids. The maid warned me not to tell anything to my mom again else God would punish me. I didn’t know what had happened. I soon forgot about the incident. 3 months later, Mom asked Vikram Bhaiya to stay back. She had to attend an art camp. She took Sia with her. I had to attend the school. Vikram Bhaiya came again. He slept with me, after all I was his favourite sister. At night I had the same feeling, this time my eyes were able to see things in dark, it was Vikram Bhaiya, I was kicking badly but he won. I didn’t faint this time, I kept on crying in the pain the whole night, while Bhaiya kept on sleeping a contended sleep. The maid was there in the morning repeating her cleaning routine. Bhaiya had not gone. I could not go to school. Bhaiya called me to sit on his lap. I was angry with him. I shouted at him that he was dirty and I don’t like him. He tried catching me. The maid intervened. Bhaiya stopped smilingly – the wild cat needs to be punished is all what he said and yes the cat was punished. I had marks of the punishment all over my body – bite marks...........The maid told me if I told this anyone, my parents will throw me out. I was a bad kid and this was god’s way of punishing me. Everyone would leave me. I had no one to talk to or tell anything. Mom came back, Vikram Bhaiya told her how naughty I had been, I had fought with the neighbour’s kid and had bit him, he had bit me back. Mom believed him, she hit me for being naughty. The pain was unbearable.....”

I was now sobbing loudly. I felt someone’s tears on my hand. I opened my eyes, Jas was crying. Rishi was crying.

“Mom got busier with her art projects. Sia was turning out to be a doll. Mom doted on her, never wanted to leave her alone. I was growing up, so I could be left alone. The wild cat routine was repeated every month. I could not speak to my father of what was happening. Mom’s beating became a routine too; the slaps were now accompanied by beating with broom, I became her ill behaved child whom she didn’t know how to manage. Dad intervened, but he didn’t want to defy my mother – after all she was so good in managing everything and everyone. I used to feel so dirty. I started having bath many times, but even after so many baths I never felt clean, I always felt sticky. I didn’t wanted to meet anyone, even in school I was afraid of talking to anyone. After two years finally Vikram Bhaiya cleared his exams and was getting his posting in Assam. Mom was happy. She threw a party for everyone. I was dressed up, I didn’t want to meet anyone, I was slapped and locked up for my misbehaviour. I must have slept off howling when I heard voices late at night, one was Vikram Bhaiya and the other was Ravi Bhaiya’s. I started praying to god loudly hearing Vikram Bhaiya’s voice, and yes my prayers were answered that day. They held me and and and.......”

I started coughing, the scene was still fresh in my mind. After a few seconds, after a few deep breaths and a glass of water....

“Ravi Bhaiya was choking me with his ......, my mouth was full with a sticky horrible tasting substance. I could not take it. I vomited. They shouted for the maid. Our maid came and clinically cleaned everything. Mom was not interested in knowing what had happened. She assumed I would have eaten something. I am sure that it was God’s way of telling me how bad I was. I stopped interacting with any of my cousins, I used to hate their coming down to our home. I used to shout and still shout when I see them, according to my mom I was turning into a horrid child. Mom never bothered with what was happening. She was everyone’s favourite ... favourite chachi, favourite mami, favourite bhabhi, favourite..... , she was too busy with her social activities to bother about an ill mannered child. My brain stopped reacting to experiments, my body stopped reacting, everything used to turn blank and it still does. I don’t react to touches – my body does not remain mine, it becomes someone else’s body so why would my brain react.

All of you were going through hormonal changes; even I was going through the same. The experimentation continued, I was ill mannered but most of my older cousins loved me, loved me like crazy. Mom used to tell me how lucky I was to have them. Nobody bothered to understand what was happening to me, but my body decided to show tell tale sign. Mom didn’t have time to notice that. Our class teacher Ms. Lizzie was the first to notice it. I didn’t go for the games period – my favourite activity in school, I couldn’t. I was part of the ritual experimentation last night and I was in pain. I noticed that horrid bleeding and was almost dead with terrible thoughts. She noticed and took me to the school doctor. The doctor assumed that I was worried because I felt I was suffering from some major disease. She assured me that this was natural growing up process. She and our class teacher called up my mom to pick me up early from school. My mom came, she was angry that she had to come leaving her sessions, the first thing she did was to slap me in front of the doctor and our teacher. Lizzie mam intervened and told her that she was called not because I had misbehaved but because I had grown up and my menstrual cycle had started. I couldn’t understand what they were saying – yes, God had punished me in the worst possible manner and I believed I was going to die soon. Mom was annoyed, she took me to our family doctor, all the time saying that I have always been a problem child and now this at such an early age. Our family doctor told mom that it was natural for my age group, time had changed and that she needed to accept it. But mom was mom, she kept on blaming my behaviour. Doctor aunty told mom that she would explain things to me in detail and would drop me back home. Mom was happy – her two precious hours had been wasted. She could still go back to her session and attend the end at least. I was happy that she had gone but was still confused. I am sure none of you would have gone through a medical session for something as personal as this, but I went through it. In an hour I was graphically explained a lot of things. Probably by my reactions doctor aunty guessed something, she asked me, but I could not say anything to her. She would have told mummy and then ........ While dropping me home all she said that I have now grown up and this was our body’s way of preparing us for future. Mom gave the maid instructions about me and her duty was over. I didn’t know what had happened, but the experiments took a new shape now.....instead of my front, my back became the favourite subject and the pain increased manifolds. Though, thankfully the frequency of experimentation reduced.”
I was choking now. I couldn’t continue.

“Anji ......” Garima offered a glass of water, she wanted to say something but I felt that she couldn’t find words. I was feeling breathless.

“I was angry, very angry with everyone even God. I still can’t understand that why I was punished, what had I done to go through this? Many a time the thought of killing myself came in my mind, but I couldn’t do that. I wanted to kill everyone who had given me pain, but I couldn’t do that. Whenever I see them I freeze, my body, my brain stops reacting. I could not tell anyone anything. Who would accept me with so much dirt? Yes, I was happy when someone paid attention to me but then that someone was not interested in me – he was also interested in the body. I was annoyed and hurt, but then for the first time I reacted, yes I bit him. The story ended, in an hour he was with the princess of our school. I could now take out the anger on the poor rats, whom we dissected in the biology lab. Biology used to be my favourite subject. Mrs. Paul our lab in charge realised something was amiss, the same girl who was so caring loved torturing the dead rats. She asked me a lot of times what had happened, but I couldn’t speak. Because of her, I gathered enough courage to speak to my mom and tell her what Ravi Bhaiya and Rajan Bhaiya were doing, what Vikram Bhaiya had done. Guess what was the reward? She branded me a whore – till then I had read this word only in dictionary, but from that day I knew what I was. Her own blood was so filthy, she just couldn’t bear it; Mom hit me with whatever she could get hold of. I still have the marks of that day. Doctor aunty advised her to control her anger in future so we changed our doctor. From then on, every action of mine was noticed by mom – after all I was her filthy daughter, she didn’t fail to remind me that I was filthy and that I could be a disgrace to the family if people got to know about me. I was not permitted a lot of things, which were easily granted to Sia. There has never been a moment when she has not wished for my death. I tried my best to redeem myself. I did what she wanted, I did everything I was told without complain, but then.......a scum bag is always a scum bag.”

“I wanted to erase every memory of mine, but couldn’t. All I could do was to remove people from my past – I removed everyone, but couldn’t remove the monsters. There was just one person from the past who I wanted to be there with me always even after school, college. This person had a special place in my life – no, I would not like to call him my brother, he was someone above definition. His happiness was important for me. And then the devil came back ..... he was devil himself. I told him about the Devil, he warned me, but he didn’t know what was happening. How could he know, I could never tell him anything....The Devil didn’t waste time, he was a smooth operator and he realised the incorrigible fool I was. Everything was moving too fast. The lunch invite at his place, he told me she was coming too. But she was not there, I waited, waited and waited. We were sipping the juice when I started feeling giddy .........”

“Anji....bas, bas, don’t punish yourself ....”, Ranjan’s voice was choking.

“I woke up in his bed, his black naked body was next to mine. I was still dizzy. He was speaking to someone on phone. He had finally won, he had won. He had this smile of a winner. My body and my brain refused to react, everything felt so clinical. I was angry but didn’t know how to react. He dropped me till the auto stand. I don’t remember the journey. I don’t remember what time I had reached home, did I meet anyone at home or not. All I remember is having bathed many times with cold water in the chilling December. I remembered what mom always tells me – Once a whore, always a whore. Yes I was a whore.....I wanted to run away. Run away from everything.... I ran off ..... to a new city to start afresh. Mom got busy with social work – she started working with NGO on crimes against women and children and is now a renowned activist in the city. The city was not my destination, the whore, the filthy scum bag had to run....run somewhere where she could hide from everyone.....and that’s what she did.......”

There was complete silence in the room. Other than the occasional sobs and tic tic of the grandfather clock, there was no sound. “Let’s all go for lunch”, Ranjan’s announcement broke the silence. The group started dispersing in silence. Everything was swirling around me. I wanted to get up but couldn’t and fell. Rishi came running to me, “Anji... chal let’s go to your room. You need rest.......” I had no strength left in me. He helped me move back to the room. His touch was feeling different. I knew they were now being repulsed by my presence. Who would not....who can bear such a filthy scum bag. “Anji....my doll, how can I feel repulsive, how can I hate you.....” Rishi spoke to me, I had been mumbling all through our journey from the lounge to the room. “I am angry, very angry, I am angry on people, I am angry on myself, I am angry, why couldn’t I .........” Rishi was now crying loudly and was hitting with his hand on the wall. I was surprised by his reaction....yes surprised......it was for the first time in my life someone was in pain because of my pain....

“Rishi, stop it...you are making things difficult for Anji”, Jas intervened. Rishi was quick to control himself. Jas came and sat next to me. “Anji, I can understand what you would have gone through.” “No Jas you don’t”. I was angry, angry on everyone. “No Anji, I can understand what you have gone through, you have gone through a lot, but most of us would have at least had similar abuse in our childhood”. Jas’s statement shocked me, “Have you gone through something like this Jas?” “Yes Anji, yes, but you have gone through a lot and you have suffered alone in silence”. Did Rishi knew about it? Did Jas tell Rishi about it? My questions were answered by the look on Rishi’s face, yes he knew. I didn’t know what was happening, but the world around me was swirling. I could hear a loud thunder and it started pouring down heavily – the rain gods wanted to let everything out.

When my eyes opened, I found Jas sitting next to me. “Anji, go and wash off everything. Wash off your past.” “Is that so easy, Jas?” “Yes Anji it is, just try and whatever would be left, we would help you remove it”. I got up and had a hot shower for a long time, don’t know but for the first time it felt really soothing, as if the dirt, grime was being washed off with the hot water. The loud knock brought me back, “Anji, Anji chal come out”, Jas sounded worried. “Jas give me a few minutes more”, I shouted back to reassure her. Jas was standing at the door only. “Chal get ready, let’s go and have something to eat, I and Rishi are very hungry and I am sure you too would be”. Jas was sounding so normal, as if nothing had happened. Yes nothing had happened in her life, but my life, what about my life, how would I face the group? Jas guessed my dilemma, “Anji, please trust us”. I don’t know why, but I dressed up mechanically and walked to the dining hall with Jas. The dining hall was buzzing, I could hear laughter (probably everybody was laughing at me, I didn’t care now). It had stopped raining.

“Thank god, you guys came. We were dying of hunger yaar, chooe kud rah thay pet mein” Garima and Ranjan cheerfully welcomed us. I sat down with Rishi and Jas. There was an amazing feast laid out, it was like a combination of evening snacks and dinner. What were we celebrating? “Guys, I have something to say?” Ranjan was trying to answer the question in my mind. “What, What, What?”, everyone’s curiosity was aroused. “The weather is better now and the roads would be clear soon. So we would be able to leave.” “Thank God”. My sullen attitude and curt statement surprised everyone, but Rishi and Jas understood. Jas held my hand. “Anji, there is something else too”. Ranjan replied jovially to my behaviour. I looked at him questioningly. “We would be meeting again in two months”. Ranjan’s statement was met by wow, oh sure and mine oh no. But deep inside something inside me wanted to meet them, yes most of them again.
Everyone started chatting about the plans while gorging on the food. It felt as if nothing had happened. Meeta and Jas were busy talking something. Rishi was missing. I got up to search for him. I could not find him anywhere. I decided to call up Randeep and tell him that I should be back in a day or two. Yes I would have to go back. The network in mobile was still very low. I would have to make the call from the reception. I tried many times but Randeep’s phone was constantly busy. I sat down on the sofa deciding to call after some time.

I saw Rishi walking in. He was on his mobile, talking to someone. He didn’t notice me.

“.....every single word which I told you. Yes Reva’s suggestions were great. Our getting angry would not help. Yes sessions need to start as soon as we are back. You can come and pick her up. Leaving her alone might not be a good idea now. Chal will catch up when we meet, speak to Reva and keep us posted on development.”

He ended his conversation and noticed me. “Anji, what happened, what are you doing here? Did you have something to eat?” He sounded worried. “Relax Rishi, I had a lot to eat, I was trying to call up my colleague and inform him that I would be coming back soon, but his number was constantly busy, so I was waiting here”. “Oh okay, call him up now”. Rishi answered with a naughty smile. I tried Randeep’s number, the ring tone had changed, in place of Lionel Ritchie it was now Richard Marx’s I will be right there waiting for you....... “Hi Madam how is your trip?” Randeep was sounding cheerful. “The trip has been good, I should be back in day or two, as soon as I reach Delhi I would try for the earliest flight” “Flight??? Oh Madam Kanjoos that’s a good sign... by the way I have a surprise for you too” “Surprise, what surprise? Tell me.” “No way, not now....” “Okay its fine, don’t tell me, go to hell......” I was annoyed.. “Ok madam, why do you want me to go to hell – hell’s hotness quotient would increase, I am already too hot. I don’t know if people in hell would be able to handle me....” I smiled. “Okay don’t go ..... I would call up when I reach Delhi. Bye.” “Bye, take care and see you soon”. I kept the phone down. Randeep always was able to bring a smile on my face.

Rishi was standing, still with a naughty child like smile. “What?” I asked him. “What what?” he replied impishly, “Let’s go and see what Jas is upto”, he held my hand. We walked back to Dining hall. Everyone had divided themselves into small group. Meeta, Jas, Rohan and Ranjan were in deep discussions. Jas saw us coming. “Rishi we can try going back tomorrow late afternoon, Ranjan has spoken to the authorities. They would help us in moving out. Anji you come and stay with us tomorrow night”. “Jas thanks but I would take the first available flight, it’s been long since I have been away from my office”. “Jas call up home and inform that Anji is coming. She is not going anywhere tomorrow. Anji this is final”. I smiled and nodded my head in a yes. Yes I wanted to stay back with them.

Chapter 10

Ranjan, Rohan and Rishi got busy discussing the plan for next day. I excused myself. I wanted some time with myself, away from everyone. Jas looked at Rishi, Rishi nodded a yes. Yes, leave her alone. I walked out to the patio and sat down. It was strange, just some hours back it had been raining heavily and now the sky was clear and bright. Stars were twinkling and I could spot a group of fireflies gathered on a bush in the corner. The view, the atmosphere was magical, full of positive vibes. The rains had washed down all the dust and grime, there was that fresh smell of the fully drenched mud. When we had come here, our lives also had a lot of dirt and grime which was hidden somewhere, but a small game had changed everything, everyone’s life had been washed off by the rains. It was as if the fate had decided this meeting, there was a link which was broken in our childhood and it had been joined back today. We were closer, yes we were closer. The circle was complete. The gentle breeze felt very soothing and I closed my eyes. It felt so peaceful. The pain was there but its intensity had lessened. I was angry but that anger was not burning me anymore.

“Can I sit with you?” I opened my eyes hearing Rohit’s voice. “Yes you can”. My answer brought a smile on Rohit’s face. Rohit came and sat next to me. There was a long silence. I remembered how angry I had been with him. Why should I punish him for a mistake which he had not done, no one knew, I never told anyone. “Rohit you are looking smart. No wonder you have a big fan following. So where do you stay in Mumbai?” “Panvel” Rohit looked surprised with my behaviour. “Rohit, I am sorry yaar, I got angry with you, it was not your fault, in fact it was no body’s fault.” “Anji, please, I am sorry if I had hurt you ever, I didn’t know” “How would you or anybody know Rohit? Isn’t Panvel too far off from all the studios?” “It is Anji, but I have no options, it’s cheaper compared to other areas, the modelling assignments are good but then it is a very competitive and high maintenance industry. I have been loosing a lot of my assignments to younger and new guys who work for much lesser price. I am trying for bollywood also, it will be good money and I would be able to plan for my future. It is not easy. I have met a lot of people but nothing is working out. I don’t know what to do? Sometimes I feel that I should go back and join my dad’s business. I am always living in the fear of the future”. I knew what he was talking about. “I know Rohit, thankfully I work behind the scenes and thus can live in the anonymity. The pressures are different but I am happy, I just want to work and work is aplenty.” “You wanted to be a doctor na, you were good in biology, I used to envy you, your perfect slides, perfect dissections, why did you change your line?” “I didn’t change the line by choice, I was not able to focus on my entrance exams due to.....you know what......I wish mom focused and understood me, but she never did and probably will never do. I was in the waiting list, mom wanted me to take admission and not wait, so I took the course which I liked the second best hoping mom would approve, but she never did. I have no regrets now. I am okay with whatever I have.” I was surprised by my reactions, nobody ever knew me and I never wanted anybody to know me, but today I was opening up. “Why don’t you start working with your dad and also keep doing what you want to do. It’s going to be difficult initially but soon you would learn to balance things and once you are stronger financially, you can always pursue your dreams without fear.” “Anji what are your dreams?” “Rohit honestly I don’t have any dreams, I only had nightmares, never got time for dreams, I was always running away from monsters.....” Rohit’s question brought the pain back.

“Trust me Anji, your nightmares have ended and you would dream now, beautiful dreams”. Rishi’s voice surprised both of us. I don’t know for how long he was standing behind us, I wanted to believe his words. “Guys if your session has ended and if you have some space for food, Ranjan is calling us, his team has organised a very light dinner for all of us....soups, butter milk and salad, hot chocolate, if anyone is interested.” “I will have soup and salad Rishi, Anji what would you have?” “She would have hot chocolate and then would go to sleep”, Rishi spoke for me and I didn’t mind. Yes I loved hot chocolate before sleep, but except me nobody remembered it in the family, who was bothered about my likes or dislikes. My eyes had started to moisten again. Rishi held my hand. We walked back to dining area. The setting was informal, the group was still in discussions in small groups sipping away their soups, hot chocolates and eating salad. Jas brought hot chocolate for all of us. I quietly drank the same. “Anji I will sleep with you tonight”. “No Jas you and Rishi sleep together, I would be fine with Garima”. “Sure Anji?” “Sure, I can manage with Garima. You tell her, I am going to sleep now, I am tired”. “Anji chal I want to chat with you before we sleep and Garima comes”. Rishi started walking with me to my room.

I sat on my bed. “Yes Rishi, tell me what do you want to know now. I have told everyone everything. I am an open book now with dirty pages which no one would like to keep”. Rishi sat on the chair in front of me. “No Anji, you are not dirty, you are not filthy and you know it. Why do you still want to punish yourself for something which you had not done? People who have hurt you should be punished, they should have nightmares and not you. Our system is responsible and not you.” “Rishi, I am loving what you are saying but I can’t do anything, they still frighten me. I want to fly but my wings had been clipped and I never learnt to fly. My monsters are real and I don’t know how to fight with them, my nightmares have become my reality, my life.” The dam broke, tears started coming out, I could not hold them any longer. “Anji , my doll, everything will change, everything, you would get the happiness that you deserve, I promise you that the darkest phase of your life has ended and you would seen a rainbow”. “How Rishi, how, I know there is no magic wand in the real world.” “Just trust me Anji and promise me you would try. I would tell you everything once we go back to Delhi. Life is not bad, it’s the people who make it bad, I promise you that no monster would ever enter your life again. I wish we could have given you strength to open up earlier, but anyways probably that’s the way things were destined. Now you go to sleep. You are tired I know, my little doll tomorrow is another day, a bright day. All of us had some skeletons which came tumbling out in this trip. Good night.” Rishi patted me on my forehead and walked out. I closed my eyes.

“Anji are you asleep?” It was Garima. I was in no mood to talk. “Anji are you asleep?” “No Garima, I had just closed my eyes, I am feeling very weak and tired”. “Anji, listen babes, I am really sorry, I hurt you and that is why god punished me. Please forgive me. I was not mature, I didn’t know a small thing like that could have a big impact on someone’s life. I am really sorry. I didn’t like when he paid attention to you, he had ignored me for long. That night I was sitting on the window, still angry with you, you had taken him away from me, then he came. He apologised and told me that you were after him and because of Rishi he was humouring you. That day you had shown him your true colours and he had told you to buzz off. He loved me and no one else. I was the happiest. I believed him. I was mad, mad in love with him, I enjoyed his touch, I wanted him to feel. The feeling was great, the whole school was after him, but he was mine. I am sorry, really sorry. I know you would have cursed me. But please, please take away your curse, I have been living in hell”. Garima held my hand. I knew she was feeling bad. “Garima, it was not your fault, we were kids and trust me I have never cursed you, I had never even thought of cursing you or punishing you. I am thankful to god that, none of us had to spend our lives with that spineless creature. It would have been another horrible phase in our lives. Yes I didn’t like you much, but then I feel the feeling was mutual. We have outgrown that.” “Anji, will you come and meet me in Mumbai?” “Garima, if time permits, I would sure. You are a chapter from my past, the bridge between my past and present has been made, I don’t want to break it. And now you know my secrets too”, I smiled at Garima. “Good night Garima”. “Good night Anji”.

“Anji, Anji, get up doll”. Jas’s voice woke me up. I picked my watch, it was 7.30 am. Why didn’t I wake up with my alarm? What had happened today? “Anji, how are you feeling today? Hope you had a nice sleep”. “Yes Jas, I am surprised, I didn’t wake up with my alarm. It was the most peaceful sleep I had had in a very long time”. “I know Anji, you are looking relaxed. Chal get up and freshen up, Ranjan is serving breakfast at 8.00 and he has some announcements. He should start his own news channel. He would have a lot of breaking news items”. Jas’s statement brought a smile on my face. I could imagine our roly poly Ranjan dishing out breaking news every hour........ “Jas I should be ready by that time. You go ahead I would join you”. “Sure?” “Sure Jas”. I enjoyed a leisurely bath, now every time I was having a bath, some dirt and grime from my past was getting washed away. I was feeling cleaner, far more cleaner than I had ever felt before. It was almost 8.00 am when I reached the dining hall. Everyone had already reached the dining hall. I went and sat next to Rishi and Jas. “Anji try sitting with us also, we are not so bad”, Rohan quipped jovially. Rishi was about to say something, Jas signed him not to speak. I smiled, “Rohan you have reserved that space for Meeta, reservation release kar and offer, I would grab the offer”. Rishi smiled. “Rohan now decide....”. “Meeta tera reservation khatam, now the seat is reserved for Anji”, Rohan’s statement brought a loud laughter from everyone. I got up and went and sat next to Rohan.

The sun was shining brightly. The dark morose weather had disappeared. It was bright and comfortable now.

“I have an announcement to make,” Ranjan got up. I remembered the discussion with Jas in the morning and couldn’t suppress my giggle. Ranjan smiled. “Anji the announcement is purely vegetarian, nothing naughty. We can leave by 12 noon”. This announcement brought sadness in me, I wanted to be with all of them. I had just started living. Rohan understood, “But we are meeting again soon, in two months. Everyone needs to promise that when we decide the date, all of us would meet here. No excuses. We would keep on meeting like this regularly. We are bound together.....”. “Yes, we are bound together and after long struggle I could gather the broken pieces of the beautiful chain of friendship, I would not like to loose it again.” I completed Rohan’s statement. My statement was met with a loud cheer.

During the entire journey back to Delhi, I was just thinking how things had changed. I came empty handed and was taking back some beautiful memories and most importantly courage. Courage to fight. I knew, I had to fight my monsters now, I had nothing to fear, I had a lot of people around me, who would be always by my side. “Good bye Rohan and thanks a ton buddy, you gave me my little doll”. Rishi’s statement brought me back to reality, we had reached Rishi and Jas’s place. He was hugging Rohan. I was slightly confused, Rohan has given me back to Rishi??? I didn’t want to think much. I wanted to enjoy every moment I was with my pillars of strength.

“Where are your kids Jas?” “They are with mom Anji, enjoying being pampered by their nani and having a blast with their cousins. I would bring them back in a day or two.” Having a blast with cousins.....the monsters came back. “Anji, trust me everything is fine. We always have open discussions with the kids and have told them too to share everything with us, everything and I mean everything. We try and include them in our discussions and try and answer their queries in the best possible manner. We behave like friends with them and thank god this strategy has worked. They open up to us first and it’s easier for us to tell them what is right and what is wrong. And yes now I would be extra cautious with the kind of people around them. Why don’t you change in my Tee and skirt, they would be bit out of size for you, it would be a nice change to your limited wardrobe. Rishi has surprise for you.” “Surprise, what surprise Jas”. “Anji it’s a surprise and I am not supposed to disclose it, we are waiting in the living room come fast”. “What’s the surprise Rishi?” “Sit down Anji and close your eyes”. I closed my eyes. Someone hid my eyes with their hands, I knew these hands but how could it be...... “Anji guess who?”, I knew the voice but how could it be.... “Anji in few days you have forgotten me?” ...Yes it was him. “Randeep”. “Bingo”. He removed his hands, yes it was him. “Randeep how are you here, how did you....?” “Anji hold your horses Rishi would tell you everything.” I was surprised and confused. How did Randeep know Rishi?

“Anji doll, how was the surprise?” “It was good but Rishi.....” “Anji cool, I know you have a lot of questions, but I have all the answers, just make yourself comfortable. It’s a long story.” Randeep jumped up on the diwan. Jas sat next to Rishi. “Anji remember Reva, your class mate in college?” “Reva Mathur, she was the topper throughout in our section.” “Yes Reva Mathur, she was my classmate’s sister, the same sister who used to tell me about you. You were so aloof, so there was nothing much but then whatever she told me was of great help.” “So what about Reva?” “Reva is a practising psychiatrist now, she majored in psychology from US, she is in Mumbai now.” “Okay give me her address and I would meet her, I am not in touch with anyone from college, so it would be good.” “Yes Anji, I would definitely give you her address because she will be your therapist.” “Therapist?” “Yes doll”. “What do you mean Rishi?” “Stop troubling her Rishi”, Jas lovingly chided Rishi.

“Anji, I had promised you that you would live your life normally, I had promised you the rainbow. Reva would help you with that. I know you are strong and courageous, Reva would strengthen you to fight off those monsters forever. With your help, she together with you will kill the ghost forever. Don’t say no.” “Rishi, I would not say no, I am thankful to you in many ways and I had promised you that I would trust you. I would try the therapy”. “And I would ensure that she does keep up her promise”. It was Randeep. “Huh”. “Randeep is Reva’s brother and was my class mate”. I looked at Randeep, he was smiling, the smile which always told me I am there. “I met Randeep and Riya in Mumbai a few months back after a long time. We were having dinner when he got a call. He got busy with the call and then looked disturbed. I teased him, he smiled and told me and Riya about his colleague, whom he was fond of but always felt there was something missing in her life, that she was going through a lot of pain. He wanted to help her. Our doctor sahiba Riya found an interesting subject, we started discussing about his colleague. By the end of the discussion I was sure that his colleague Anjali Chopra was my Anji, my little doll. Randeep showed me some of your pictures in his phone and I was so thrilled. I had found you.”

“Randeep has my pictures in his phone.....”. “Haan many but all during those office parties, when you used to sit in one corner and sulk”. Randeep ducked the cushion I had thrown. “I wanted to meet you but Riya asked me to wait. She thought that the only way we could know what had happened with you, was if you open up and tell us. She suggested a method to help you. We spoke to Rohan and Raghav and they immediately agreed to help.” “God wanted to help, remember you had a dream about school?” Randeep was filling in the gaps. I nodded. “I felt it was the right time, Rohan contacted you and then you know...”. “So the trip was planned. Only the trip was planned, but no one had planned anything else. We didn’t know that our closets would open and the world which we knew before the trip would change. A change for betterment of everyone for sure. This trip has created a deeper bond among all of us. Don’t you think so Anji?” “Yes Rishi, for sure. I am happy that I came for the trip. I don’t know how would I open up to Reva, she would need to know, it was easy with you but with her......”. “You don’t have to, Reva will receive the recording of that morning, yes I recorded everything on the mobile and Randeep would give it to her, I hope you don’t mind”.

“Hey guys will you keep talking or would you guys order for something to eat. We have a flight to catch tonight.” “Randeep we are going tonight?” “Yes I know you would be sad but we have to go back to office, after all, need to go back and earn our bread and butter. But Anji, I promise that in two months you would be back here with the people who love you and who you love.”

Epilogue

“Anjali, we would be leaving tomorrow. Pack up a lot of stuff, it’s going to be a long vacation.” Randeep’s phone excited me. I was going back, back to my childhood and my childhood friends. It would be exactly two months since the trip.....the trip which had changed our lives. I had started going for my sessions with Reva– initially twice a week and now once in two weeks. It was good that I knew her, it was easy opening up. Randeep was always there. Garima, Rohit and I met for lunch every weekend. It was fun remembering everything from our childhood. It would be great to meet everyone again.

“Anji we are going straight to Ranjan’s resort. Rishi, Jas and everyone have already reached there yesterday”. Randeep’s announcement surprised me but I was not bothered, I was more excited about meeting everyone. I kept on talking about everyone during our journey and Randeep was patiently listening to me blabbering away. We reached the resort by lunchtime. The weather was pleasant. I was not sharing the room with anyone this time. Randeep was staying with Rohan. I quickly changed and reached the dining hall. Everyone was there chatting away merrily.

I excitedly wished everyone and hugged Rishi and Jas. “Anji look I am leaving my reservation for you.....”, Meeta’s naughty statement brought a smile”. “Guys, I know more than lunch we are all keen to get an update on what has happened in the past two months. Rohan would give a brief to everyone”, Ranjan was again in his news anchor mode.

“Ahem, Ahem, Thank you Ranjan.....Thank you for the honours....okay here is the update, Anji I know you would be imagining the weather updates.... bhai after all we need to learn something from you and Rohit......”. I chuckled at Rohan’s statement, it was true they were sounding like that only. “Good news first – Garima has filed in her divorce petition, Ranjan’s wife who is a lawyer is helping her. She has spoken to Abhay and has explained that it will be good if it is done through mutual consent else it would get dirty and murkier for him and his sweet darling Bhabhi. We have already got the DNA test done for Shaina, we have enough proofs against Abhay including the old medical records of Garima.” Everyone clapped. I was so happy for Garima. “I am thankful to all of you for helping me get over the darkest phase and for giving me strength. I have started working with an NGO, I have moved into a small rented accommodation, its small but its mine. It’s great feeling, being independent. I would soon bring Shaina home.” Meeta hugged Garima.
“I have spoken to Shekhar, he was surprised, he loves Reena a lot and had unfortunately not realised what was happening with Reena. They have moved out of their family home. Shekhar felt that Reena and he needed more time together to start things afresh. Reena has started going to office with Shekhar. Reena is not here today, but she would join us soon.” There was happy ending for everyone, the room was brightening up with every story. “And the bad news Rohan”. “There is no bad news Anji....” “But you said good news first.” “Yes Anji good news first and the best news later.” “So what’s the best news?” “Wait for it till dinner Anji, we still don’t know if we would get the news today”, Rishi’s tone told me to wait. The excitement was killing. Everyone was having lunch. I could not eat anything. “Anji, Finish your meal....” Rishi chided me like a kid. “Rishi what is it, give me some clue na.....”. “Nothing doing Anji, you would have to wait and now go and have some rest. Randeep and I have some work now, shoo go, leave us alone vamoosh.” Rishi shooed me off. It was such an amazing feeling and I was feeling so light. I curled up in my bed and was soon lost in dreams.

“Anji, Anji get up baba, you are okay na?” Jas’s voice woke me up. I got up with a start. “What happened Jas, I am fine, is everything okay here?” “Yeaa everything is okay here, Meeta had come to wake you up but you didn’t even move, she freaked out and that’s the reason I was worried.” “Oh I am sorry, I don’t know, I was probably tired, I hate flying. I took a flight only because Randeep was there but its tiring for me.” Jas smiled at me. “It’s okay, go take a quick warm shower, it will freshen you up, there is someone waiting for you.” I questioningly looked at Jas, but her expressions told me that she would utter no more. “Okay I would freshen up and join all of you in few minutes.” “My good girl”, saying this Jas walked out of the room. I had a quickly shower, who was waiting for me?

There was a knock at the door while I was trying to tie my hairs. It must be Jas. “Come in Jas.....”, I spoke without turning to see who it was. “Anji leave them open.....you look good with open hairs....” It was Randeep. I turned back. “What.....?” “I said leave your hairs open, you look good”. “Open hairs irritate me, I can’t focus.” “Anji, you are not at work now, so you don’t need to focus, leave them open.....” Randeep sounded a little irritated. “Okay as you say but if I feel uncomfortable I would tie them”. “Perfect Madam”. I left my hairs open. “I am ready Randeep, let’s go everyone would be waiting for us”. “Anji can you and me go for small walk before we meet everyone else?” “But Randeep, Jas said.......oh okay they can wait for some time, no one is running away”. Randeep smiled and opened the door. We walked towards the garden area ..... other than the resort staff nobody from the group was visible, where is everyone?

The sun was setting. The brilliant reddish blue sky was slowly turning into a beautiful darker shade every minute; soon the sky would be lit by those twinkling diamonds. The birds were coming back to their nests and were chirping away happily. I wanted to soak in this magical moment. I sat on a bench and closed my eyes. Randeep kept standing. The magic was everywhere and I was wishing it would engulf me.
“Anji.......Anji.......”
“Yes Randeep.........”
“I want to say something to you.......”
“Since when do you need my permission to speak?”
“Anji, promise me that you would listen to me patiently...... you would not get angry and promise me whatever happens we would always remain friends”
“You are frightening me Randeep .... what is it?
“Promise me first.”
“Okay I promise”
“Promise me that you would not cut me in between.”
“I promise now shoot, this suspense is too much”.
“Anji can I walk with you.....”
“Yeah ....”
“Can I walk with you always?”
“Randeep!!!!”
“Anji, will you allow me to be a part of your life?”
“Randeep you already are a part of my life....I don’t know what you are saying”.
Randeep came and sat by me.
“Anji, Can I.....Can I spend the rest of my life with you........?”
“Randeep?”
“Anji please ......”
“Randeep you know everything about me, do you still want to be with me? I like you but do you think I am ready. I don’t want to spoil your life ..........”
“Anji, I know about you, how can you think that you would spoil my life? My life would be spoilt without you. I am not pressurising you.... I will never......I just want to tell you that you would be the biggest gift for me in my life.”
“Randeep I don’t know, give me some time.....”
“Anji you have all the time in this world....”saying this Randeep got up and walked back.

I don’t know but I could hear “Wherever you go,Whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you...” It was strange feeling...seeing Randeep walk back....I wanted to stop him....I wanted to say yes......but..........the moisture in my eyes decided to come out. Everything became foggy.
“Anji, what are you doing?” It was Rishi. I immediately wiped my eyes. I could not show him, what I was going through, I didn’t even know myself what I was doing, what was happening and what did I want. “Nothing Rishi, aise hi, just like that.” “Just Like That Anji???” Rishi was sounding angry and irritated. “Just like that..... Anji why are you doing this to yourself, you are brave and I know you are strong enough to take decisions so decide.” “Decide what Rishi, what do you know?” I was angry, no I was not angry with anyone else, I was angry with myself. Rishi knew. He held my hand. “My doll I know everything, I know what you are going through but this time I want you to decide for yourself”. I could not control myself any more. I started howling. Rishi held me tightly. “Anji let it flow out for once and all, bahut ho gaya, enough is enough, don’t hold yourself, empty yourself from your past”. I kept on crying for a very long time, Rishi kept on murmuring something and slowly blowing in my hairs. My loud wailing subdued to sobs and then the sobs also started subsiding after some time. The fog had cleared.

“Rishi I want to be with him, I want him but I am afraid. My past would haunt our future, I am afraid, oh God what should I do”. “Anji, no one knows about future, live in present, he wants you, you want him. I know what you are afraid of, if you have faith in yourself and in him, take the leap. Dar ke aage hi jeet hai.....Mountain Dew nahin pee kya?” Rishi’s last line brought a smile, “Nahinn nahin pee, I haven’t tasted Mountain Dew for ages, but today I am going to drink it.” Rishi smiled, “That’s like my little doll”.

It was dark and the sky was lined with small diamonds. We walked back to the dining hall. Everyone was there busy talking. Randeep was sitting with Rohan. He was looking tired and lost. I knew what he was going through. Rohan looked at Rishi who nodded. Rohan stood up, “Hey gang, as promised we are back, with the best news and the news is ....... Anji the news is ........” “Yes”. “Huh just Yes???? What do you mean Anji”, Meeta was looking confused.

Ranjan and Rishi were busy hugging Randeep. “Not done, not done, please tell us what is happening?” Meeta was now acting like a small kid. “Meeta, there’s a wedding happening here tomorrow and now we need to decide on whose sides we would be”, Raghav answered naughtily. “Wedding tomorrow???” Not only Meeta I was also surprised. “But how Raghav, Rishi???” “Anji, don’t worry, everything can be worked out, we have the Arya Samaj wedding tomorrow and then get the same registered once we are back. Divyanshi has already got a few dresses with her, just apt for the bride and Reena is reaching with bridegroom’s dress...” “But.....”Jas came and kept a finger on my lips...... “No buts Anji.... just go with the flow”. “Par wedding kiski hai baba, whose wedding is it?” Meeta and Garima were sounding irritated now. “My little doll is getting married with her Prince Charming.......” “Huh”, Meeta was still confused. Garima smiled, “I would be from Prince Charming’s side”. “Garima, you too, who is the bride, who is the groom, what’s happening?”, Meeta’s question was answered by a loud laughter from all. “Meeta, Randeep is getting married to.....to....to..... our Anji”, Rishi answered. “What, when, how????” “Meeta, Jas would explain you in detail. But right now get busy. There’s a lot to be done.”

Everything from then on was like a dream, and I, I just walked through that dream.

“Anji, he is waiting for you......there right near that jasmine bush......”, Jas pushed me towards the garden area. I saw him, I saw him standing with his back towards us. “What is this Randeep....what are you doing here, what am I doing here????” “Anji.....I know what you are saying....I have just one question ...... are you ready....I am in no rush.....I can wait........I can wait till you are .........”. Randeep couldn’t complete his sentence, I didn’t let him......my lips had found him.......