She sat across the table, her glance down, palms shaking. She had been here two days before, with her son who was at the cusp of adulthood. The lad had apparently been caught smoking on campus, gotten into bad company, and cut classes, while she and her spouse had been caught totally unawares. Some good advice from the teachers had brought the family to me, and here I was, with a one-to-one session with the mother.

In fact, in one conversation, I had realized that many of the kid’s problems had stemmed from the rising friction between him and his mother. The fact that he was no more a child wasn’t being accepted, the mother shadowed him all the time. Though the kind of rebellion was unacceptable, he wasn’t totally wrong.

“I have done everything in my capacity to be the perfect mother. In fact, I have been brought up like that. My parents looked over my academics, and extracurricular activities, in fact they chose the degree I pursued and the man I married. That’s how good a daughter I always was, and I tried implementing the same for my son.” She finally spoke.

“Looking back, do you think you had a happy childhood?” I looked her straight in the eye.

She just stared, and slowly I saw her eyes well up.

“I tried pleasing them, Engineering wasn’t my choice and I couldn’t top all the time. They were sad then, and now all the more because they feel I have been a careless mother.

Oh, how I failed them.”

I offered her some water, “Well, does your husband think so too?”

“Yes, a little bit. He has a traveling job, and has been away for long. I managed my career, my child’s studies, school, diet, and almost everything under the sun. I desired at one point, to take a break from the job, but I was discouraged, you know, Mumbai, cost of living and everything…

I should have been a little bit more careful, but my son all of a sudden began bottling up, and I couldn’t read his mind.”

Suddenly she broke down into sobs, “I am a failure doctor. A bad daughter, a bad wife and an incompetent mother. My son hates me.”

“You know.” I spoke calmly, “You are under tremendous stress, squeezed between parents, spouse, offspring and career. You are being weighed down by just too many responsibilities, and they kept piling until you had this meltdown.”

“But aren’t these my responsibilities?” She wiped her tears.

“No. Sorry to say this, but you were ill-treated in childhood. Parents can’t just shove all their expectations on their children. And unknowingly, you did the same to your son. Take this episode on a positive note, you sought help at the right time because he rebelled. Plus, who said the father’s job is just to pay the fees? From a certain age, your son should have seen more of his father.”

She nodded.

“I’m prescribing a few medicines for anxiety, stress, and depression. My only concern is, will you take them?” I queried because there are educated people out there who consider mental disturbance as taboo, and shame.

She smiled, “Yes doctor, I will. I want to be happy. I am in a mess right now. Menopause, cholesterol, and sadness.”

“Medication can't be forever. But it’ll definitely help and support you to carve a path to happiness. You have a little condition we call, OPS. Obsessive Perfectionist Syndrome. You wouldn’t know it, but others do. You are always expected to be right, so you end up with more work, more responsibilities, and all the blame for going wrong once.”

“Where do I start doctor?” She looked at me hopefully.

“You have already. With no sense of fear or shame, you sought help. For your son and yourself. You have agreed to take medication. Trust me, that’s very brave. Now, learn to live without guilt. Wake up late on weekends, let father and son manage some chores. You are never too late to pursue a hobby, and if you have none, watching TV is good too. Read books of your choice, maybe self-help, may be not. Romance, humour, comics? Listen to the music you enjoy, why should everything revolve around your family? Do whatever that makes you glad, everyone else can wait.”

Her eyes were dry now, she looked confident.

I went on, “We are not born to please others, you just can’t make everyone happy. I know it’ll take effort, it’s easier said than done, but Happiness comes from the Self, absolutely Not From Another Human being. You have always looked for validation from your close ones and you couldn’t validate it yourself. Your son is an adult now, you can’t live his life as well. If you feel burnt out someday,  you desire to take a leave, go ahead and take an off. The sky isn’t going to fall down, believe me.”

“Pause. And Prioritize.” I emphasized, “ You aren’t getting any younger. Physical as well as mental health is important. Walk, every day. Exercise gently, for your menopausal struggles. Take rest. You aren’t a machine, nor are you a saint to continually tend to others. Medications will help you, and once you start feeling better, we can gradually reduce the dosage. Once your outlook changes, once you regain your confidence and the brain fog lifts, you will find the others around you happy too. Your parents are old, they’ll be rigid, don’t always rush to them for advice, take your own decisions. Matters could have been far worse, you are the Best Mother, because you sought help at the right time. Many still live in a primitive world, believing that punishment could stop wrong behaviour. You Maam, should be proud of yourself.”

Her eyes welled up again, “Trust me doctor,” she spoke between tears, “These are tears of joy. I haven’t been so happy and relaxed in ages. In my forty five years, all I wanted to do was talk, vent it all 

out to someone. But whenever I tried my relatives or friends, matters would backfire on me, even today my parents, in-laws, and spouse were against my decision to approach you, but I knew somewhere, we needed a professional opinion. Thank you so much.”

As she closed the door behind her, I couldn’t help but wonder. If medication for physical ailments is okay, what’s the big deal about mental health? In this life bursting with deadlines, family responsibilities, zero exercise, and ill health, it is indeed difficult to find happiness. A little bit of self-care could change everything, but who cares, especially for women?

This woman had decided to prioritize herself and her mental health, deep inside I knew she would find her way to happiness.