Neelam!!! An open minded,talkative and fun loving smart girl; Her eyes dark,black and beautiful,perfectly symbolising a night trapped inside it and a charming smile on her luscious lips. All these features promptly gained my attention.

On our social science exhibition trip to a Kendriya Vidyalaya we found that the school had only 4 mobile charging slots for students; and we were quick enough to capture all of them. Many students came to us requesting us to let them charge their phones but we refused. It was then that Neelam came up with her friends to me, of course, with the same request. Her features forced my eyes to be glued upon her. When I came back to my senses I found her having a "please" smile on her face. I asked her to wait for half an hour till our phones got charged enough to withstand our torture on them. They smiled helplessly and agreed. Our conversation started with the discussion of our favorite songs. We started exchanging songs and instead of half an hour, our chat lasted for two hours.

Having shared a good bond we left for our respective rooms.

Then came the night- Dark, mysterious and ever so beautiful. I was discussing about my failure in the quiz with Ankita when I noticed Neelam sitting on the flagpost platform. The moonlight on her face was making it glow enough to catch my attention again. And upon that was the effect of cool breeze blowing thin strands of her hair on to her face. Our eyes met. I walked up to her and sat beside her. She passed a half smile and scornfully asked me to go to my girlfriend instead of talking to her. I somehow suppressed my laughter and addressed Ankita as "jaaneman" and called her. With an amused face she came to us and said softly, "boliye mere nalayak praannath!" This time all 3 of us broke into laughter. I told Neelam that she was my best friend and not girlfriend. Then Ankita received a call and left for her room. Neelam and I were sitting alone amidst hundreds of other students around us. We had a nice time exploring each other's life. We didn't even bother to go for dinner till her friends came searching for her. She told me that they were supposed to leave next morning at 6. We just kept looking at each other for five minutes and let the silence do the talking. Silence, how magical it feels sometimes! In some situations it becomes a better way of expression as compared to the words. The language of silence directly explains everything to the heart instead of words. We wished good night and departed, though half heartedly. When I reached my room, Ankita texted me and enquired if I asked for Neelam's number.

And then I realised how stupid I was. However,I decided to get up early next morning and meet her before she left for her home. Given the busy schedule of the day I fell asleep as soon as the call got disconnected. Next morning when I woke up my mobile screen showed the time 7.28 a.m. I cursed myself and ran out of the room, with a small hope of meeting Neelam. Ankita met me near the charging point and told me that Neelam had already left.

I felt like slapping myself. Suddenly Ankita started giggling and I felt like killing her. Here I was so morose regretting on my mistake and MOTI (that's what I usually called her) was making fun of me. I punched her shoulder and received an equally strong blow on my stomach. Ankita signalled behind me. I turned around to find Neelam standing behind me. I didn't know how to react but I just managed to smile back at her smiling face. We just stood staring each other. Ankita murmured in my ear, "Mote,number lega ya shaadi ki baat karun directly?"

Without waiting for my response she asked for Neelam's number and she readily gave it. I don't know why but I went forward and hugged her, but I didn't feel those butterflies in my stomach until I felt her hugging me back. (Had any teacher seen us so, I would surely have been kicked out of the school, but I hardly cared.)

They were late so their departure had been postponed; And it was this beautiful girl who caused the delay by complaining about the theft of her costly ring which she actually never even possessed. Now we started talking frequently after returning from that trip. She loved my company and I loved hers. I used my favorite game *truth and dare* to give a new level to our friendship. It worked well and we came to know a lot about each other. One day I asked her about what qualities would she like to see in her lover.

She said, "He should have all the qualities that you have!"

Me: What if I propose you right now??

She: But I don’t think you would! Why should I think about it!!

 Me: Okay so… I love you Neelam. Would you like to be a part of my life?

She: Are you serious?

Me: Yes

 She: I didn't expect that you would ever say this to me. Still I need some time to think.

Me:  Alright, let me know once you come to a decision.

1 hour of complete suspense and my cellphone beeped.It showed a new message.

It read: "You are a really nice boy.Probably the 1st who has affected me so much. I love to be in your company. All throughout the school hours I crave to reach home and talk to you."

 At this point I stopped reading further. A feeling struck me that she has rejected me because usually girls say all this only then when they want to move on without hurting the guy.

Anyways I picked up the damned cellphone again and started reading further. "And I've decided that I want to mingle our lives together. I love you so much jaan!"

My heart skipped a beat. I was happy, infact I was overjoyed. Everything started looking beautiful to me. Things were going smooth between us. I could feel that she loved me. Though we could not meet because our homes were 40 kms apart, our long distance relationship has its own essence. That wait, that imagination, that longing, everything seems worth it when you hear each other and feel their love for you. The love which is above the limits of lust, just pure feelings and care. With every passing day I grew addicted of her.

Then came the bad phase. I don't know why but she started lying to me. She used to text me saying she is Neelam's mom and Neelam is busy in studies so she couldn't talk to me. Her mom knew about me already.

One day I called her up and she again changed her voice to resemble her mom's voice.I just said,

"Do you think I am so naïve that I won’t recognize the voice of the one I love so much??" There was a silence for 2 minutes and then I heard her sobbing.

She said that it was foolish of her to think that she would fool me by all these tantrums. I just asked her the reason why she did this. She said that her studies were getting affected because of me and although she loved me, she couldn't be in my life anymore.

I was totally disheartened. The mere thought of not having her by my side scared me to death. I tried to console her, to mend things up, desperately. I shouted at her, scolded her, requested her, even begged but all in vain. I even apologised for no mistake of mine (probably for the mistake of loving her, for getting so addicted to her).

And after making all these futile efforts to stop her, just like a helpless fish struggling when it is put out of water, I didn't even notice when salty water rushed out to flood my eyelids after such a long time.

Finally someone had made me cry. She had disconnected the call long back. It was the first time I realized that I had enough tears to shed for almost 2 hours. All of a sudden my conscience cried out to me, "Why are you crying now? Didn't you do the same with a girl who was madly in love with you?" As soon as this question struck my mind, I started feeling weak at heart! The memories of those words in that trembling innocent voice sent a shiver through my spine: "I loved you and you just played with my heart. Right now I can't punish you for this but I want God to punish you."

And God had heard her prayer. There I stood in life, stranded half-way, betrayed, nah, it appears far too respectful. I guess DITCHED would be the more appropriate word. So here I was, ditched by someone I had lost my heart to. Her words had come true...

Malvika, my sister's sister-in-law. I met her at my sister's wedding reception party. We spent some time together and exchanged our numbers. Over some period of time we became good friends. It had been 4 months since our friendship and everything was going good. One night I had been to my cousin's home. Since I was a bit tired after the cricket match I slept early. That night Malvika texted me. My cousin assumed that there was something going on between us.

So he decided to text Malvika by my name and started flirting with her. Malvika too took it jokingly and started flirting back thinking that it was me who was talking to her. After 2 hours of long chat he proposed her. To my bad luck she had started feeling something for me.

She accepted the proposal!

In the morning my cousin told me all that had happened and I was like "Whaaaattt???"

This had come out of the blue for me. I decided to call her up and clear up everything.

But the very next moment I quit that thought and decided to continue with the ‘game’. The devil in me had woken up.

I don't know what had happened to me. I don't know how could I ever be so heartless to play with someone's feelings. But that is the truth, I did it. A mistake for which I will never forgive myself throughout my life.

After about 6 months of this cruel lovey dovey acting, I sensed that things had gone out of control. She even observed the "karwa chauthh" fast for me. To be true I got scared thinking of the consequences it could have. I decided to call the show off. This too being a long distance relationship was easy to avoid just like Neelam avoided me later in my life. I thought she would forget me.

I confronted her and told her the truth. She said nothing else than those words expressing disgust and disappointment, and cut the call...

Thinking about all this I choked and started feeling restless. The feeling of pain had suddenly transformed into that of guilt and shamefulness. All the incidents kept flashing in my mind for the entire week. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was curiously looking for a way to bring out all that tension and pressure built inside me. I thought a lot and called up Malvika (I was surprised that I still remembered her number)

It rang! The tension inside me was increasing. I did call her but didn't even know as to what I would’ve said if she picked the phone. Anyways she didn't bother to answer my call. I was too nervous to call her again so I quit the idea.

After a few days, by God's grace, I was assigned the duty to drop my sister to her in law's home. The thought of facing Malvika was making me mad. I tried all possible tricks to withdraw my name from the "tour to hell", But all in vain...

Finally I reached her home and saw her at the door with her parents. She gave me a scornful stare and then went inside. This frightened me more. My mind was continuously telling me things like what if she loses temper and starts shouting at me, or even worse what if she starts crying? What if she tells my sister about all that happened and hundreds of more such questions were running in my mind. After the lunch with Malvika's father, Malvika, my sister and I were sitting in the living room. My sister and Malvika were chit chatting and my eyes were glued to the ground!

I was too ashamed to speak anything. Then Malvika's elder sister came and called away my sister. Now it was only me and Malvika in the room. I thought she would leave but she didn’t. There was silence, both of us didn't have any words to speak.

I was also afraid that she might start hitting me with the mop lying in the front or something more dangerous than that if I uttered a word. We were seated side by side on the sofa yet avoided looking at each other.

I composed a sorry message in my phone and just passed the phone to her. She read it.

A tear rolled down her cheek. She erased the message and wrote "It’s okay" on the phone itself and passed it back to me. I spoke for the first time in 3 hours, "sach me???"

She gave a smile and said yes... I felt so relieved!

Soon we became comfortable and started chatting about each other's life. I could feel that she wasn't yet out of it but she had been brave!

I realized that I had started respecting her even more. We shook hands and decided to be friends from thereon!

Today, after almost two years of hurting Malvika, I sometimes feel whether the same realization would dawn upon Neelam someday, whether she would ever understand that she was wrong, that she gave a scar, hard to heal, to me? Would she ever contact me again? I find it tough because today I've lost track of her. I don't even know  if she existed or not. I wonder if she was an angel in disguise who came into my life only to make me realize my mistake, to make me understand how it feels when our feelings get played with.

I wish to meet her someday to get some answers and to thank her for making me face the same kind of heartlessness.

Today, as I look back, I don’t wish for love or a relationship. I have come far beyond that phase of craving for love. But yes! If someone would ask me for a wish, I would wish for Malvika. I would wish that she should find the kind of love she truly deserves. I have had my share of love.

May be I would pass on that chance to the one from whom I snatched it away.

Cheating is a choice, not a way to evade a relationship. Howsoever the relationship is, it does witness a phase when it seems difficult to continue; But as the saying goes "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

Make your relationship the kind that is TOUGH to break, and if you don’t have guts to do that, don't make it in the first place.