Memories of the day when my world seemed to have come to an end are still afresh in my mind. What a cursed day that was, when I was told my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer!  I remember, long ago, when I had warned her about the danger of consuming tobacco. Imagine the picture, a mere child not above 12 years of age warning her 60 year old grandmother.

In all that time she was at the check up with my parents, the worst case scenarios flashed across my mind. It was not long before they came and my mom told me the worst news of the decade. My body froze and a chill ran down my spine. I realized I had never been that afraid before. My mom didn’t say anything and everybody else in the house went about doing their own things.  Even though we all ate lunch together, the only sound at the table was the chewing of food and clinking of cutlery. A part of me wanted to hug her tight and cry and never leave her. However, I managed to control my feelings.

While everybody in the house relished their afternoon nap, I quietly made my way up to the terrace, chose a corner and shed all the tears as I couldn’t help thinking about the bleak future. Nobody knew how much I loved my dear grandmother.  I regretted all the times I didn’t listen to her, when she used to tell me things. She was a better cook than my mom.  More importantly, she was a jovial and sensible person.  If she wasn’t with us, she would be inconspicuous by her absence. I loved playing with her curly hair, even though they were always entangled and it took hours of hard work to untangle them. I would usually try her bifocal glasses, which would make her shout for at least two days. In spite of my mother’s scolding she would give in to my stubbornness, and sometimes make me my favourite maggi. This didn’t stop her from explaining to me every time about how bad it was for my health. All these sweet memories of her kept running through my mind. I knew all this would come to an end, a bitter end.

Then the miserable days began. As she had been diagnosed with rectum cancer, the operation did not take anything less than three complete hours. It was more than a major operation. They had to change the path of the large intestine, and take it to the front portion of the body near the right side of her belly. The waste would come out from this.  As there was no rectum to store the waste, it came out directly from there whenever the food got digested. So a plastic bag had to be attached. A belt ran round her waist. Near the opening, a plastic ring was situated on which a plastic bag was attached. I never got a chance to see this as after the surgery she always kept it covered and I never gathered courage to ask her to see it. I could only imagine how unbearable the pain must have been. To make matters worse, she was a person who had a strong fear of hospitals, injections, syringes etc. Now she had no option but to accept those deadly looking sharp needles as they were the only thing which could extend her life for now. She took all this bravely. She underwent all this agony and pain by herself, and never once uttered a word of complaint.

It wasn’t long before the distress of chemotherapy and radiation began. It worsened her health. Even though it might have killed her cancer cells, it had an adverse effect on her. Other health problems began to crop up every day.

All this time I wasn’t informed about the complete helplessness of the situation. Yet I did manage to be a good spy and capture all the news regarding her. I could not ask mother, as it was her mother and watching one’s mother go through hell would bring tears to anybody’s eyes, and I would not be able to see her cry. At that time, I was in ninth standard and my mother didn’t want all this to affect my studies. So she avoided the topic of my grandmother. But whenever I enquired about her wellbeing she cheerfully said all would be fine. She would go from time to time to my grandmother’s home even though she knew that her brother, who was quite devoted to his mother, was more than enough to take all the care of her.

Soon after she was better, though not as good as she was before the cancer hit her. It felt as if she had succeeded in beating cancer.

A year passed by.

It was a beautiful morning in April. There was a slightly cold and gentle breeze rustling the leaves and disturbing their melancholic silence. It was a good day for me because it was one of the most anticipated days, the beginning of my summer holidays. It was the time when I could do whatever I wanted. I slept early and woke up late. This was the only time when my colour brushes were given the opportunity of showcasing their talents. It was about nine thirty in the morning or so, I just brushed my teeth and washed my face and sat on the table to have a deliciously prepared breakfast. Suddenly mother exclaimed that we were going on a Malaysia tour. The ultimate tour which my parents had been planning since two years was now finally going to be a reality.  On hearing this, my happiness knew no bounds; I was on seventh heaven. An overseas trip for the first time, a first time on a plane, everything about this plan was a first for me. I was so excited. I even forgot the taste of my noodles that I was having.

My grandmother was still in hospital. As far as I remember, she wasn’t too serious. So all of us, my parents, my brother and I started the preparations.

The trip was completely worth it. Due to jet lag, we had slight difficult in adjusting.  That didn’t stop it from being memorable. Genting, a highland near Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia was pure heaven. I remember every moment of my trip. From travelling above the clouds to music filled streets of Kuala Lumpur, from that awful smell in the restaurants of Malaysia to the most beautiful attraction, the Twin towers, from the bird park to the aquarium, to the orchid garden. We clicked and recorded as much as we could, capturing every moment of our journey. We shopped as much as we could afford.  We stayed in one of the most exotic hotels of the world. We ate food made by most talented chefs in the cities. It was all so mesmerising.

Finally the day of return arrived. We were brought back from our magnificent dream to harsh reality. We returned to India. Our world was full of darkness. We went to meet my grandmother in the hospital. Even though she was lying in bed, she looked well. She could talk and that gave me an illusion that she was fine. She looked at my new watch and said that it looked good on my wrist. I smiled and told her I bought it from Singapore. She smiled back. Little did I know what was in store for the future. My grandmother’s cancer had spread to of her intestines. Death was inevitable. Doctor said that she had only a few days left. It was the first time I saw my mother and my grandfather cry together. Even I couldn’t stop now; I knew I didn’t have much time left with my grandmother. She wanted to spend her last days with my mother.

By now, I was in my tenth class. It was the time of my board exams. Her only wish was that her relocating to our house should not be a disturbance to my studies; all she wanted was to see me happy and successful.

Days passed and her condition deteriorated. Her diet was reduced from semisolid things to just a few bottles of liquid. She looked skinny and her bones were visible. The cancer had drained her life. She used to lie there on the bed with her eyes closed or open. She rarely said anything. She used to vomit frequently. Sometimes she used to scream and wince. My mother used to inject morphine in her, in the hope of reducing her pain. I escaped witnessing such sights, as I would be away in school  Every day when I returned home from school I would secretly pray to god to improve her health. The opposite happened. With each passing day, her pain aggravated.

I remember teachers’ day so well, 5^th of September. I had been busy in the morning with my mother tying the saree around me. I did the rest of the so called “getting ready” things. Out of habit, I touched my parents feet, and my granddad’s feet. That day my mother asked me to touch my grandmother’s feet too. I went there in her room, composed myself and touched her feet. Cancer had affected her mind as well. So she thought I was her daughter. My mother explained to her, that it was her granddaughter. She often used to complain of some things that she saw but which never existed in that room. It was all because of that wretched cancer.

It was just another morning and another normal day of school. Before leaving house I remember I had told my mother to give her some pain killer as her pain knew no bounds at the moment. The day went well. I was just about to reach home when the bus driver got a call. He handed it over to me. I didn’t have the slightest idea what it could be and who it could be. It was my neighbour. She asked to come directly to her house without going to my own because my grandmother’s health had spiralled out of control.. I realized that the time had come. My tears started overflowing. Everybody gathered around me and started consoling me in their own ways. I could not hear anything around me. I could not imagine her lifeless. It was hard for me. It was dark, around seven in the evening. There was a huge crowd walking in and out of our house, and there lay my dear grandmother, lifeless and calm. All her pain had gone, her misery had ended. I had never been exposed to death before. She had been worshipped and loved by all. My mother was nowhere to be seen. All the people who had gathered around her asked me to touch her feet. She was wrapped in a white cloth with only her face left uncovered. I touched her feet. I knew it was the last touch of hers I would get. So I made sure that it lasted as long as it could. but the  people around her did not let it last long as I had hoped.. As everyone finished taking her last blessings and performing the last rites, they lifted her up and took her to the cremation grounds. My eyes burned. My mother came out and hugged me. She wasn’t crying and this was all she said - “You wanted her to get rid of that pain, didn’t you? You told me to give her some medicine to cure her? See now, she is free of all sufferings.” We Daughter and mother wept together for now the mother had lost her one and only mother.