BLANK PAPER
 

After her husband left for his workplace and daughter went to school, Geeta had some free time. She turned on the FM radio to relax a bit while listening to music. For some days, she started liking the radio more than the TV. She liked the old songs, which played more frequently on the radio. The radio was in the drawing room. After tuning in the radio, she sat in a reclining chair and closed her eyes.
At a listener’s request, the RJ played an old Hindi movie song, which went like this: "Many times I have noticed that the heart goes beyond its boundary to chase some vague desire. Why? I do not know... "
Hearing this song, she remembered a delicate phase of her past and Siddhartha, whom she met for the first and the last time for a few minutes in Jhansi with her friend Ruchi. She had gone to Jhansi to see the fort of Rani Lakshmi Bai along with Ruchi and her parents. After visiting the fort for a few hours when they were standing at a bus station to catch a bus to Lalitpur, their native town, Siddhartha happened to come there. He was a cousin of Ruchi. He was a handsome, tall, and wheat complexioned boy of the same age. His deep black eyes possessed a unique appeal.
 He touched the feet of Ruchi’s parents and affectionately touched the head of Ruchi and looked at Geeta.
Ruchi introduced Geeta to her cousin, "Brother, this is my friend, Geeta."
"Geeta, he is my brother Siddhartha," Ruchi said to Geeta.
Geeta joined her both hands in a namaste. Siddhartha said hello with a smile and added, "My crazy sister's such a good friend!"
He probably said this to tease Ruchi.
"What brother?” saying so laughingly she gave a gentle shove to Siddhartha.
Geeta blushed and remained silent.
"You said it, right brother. My friend is good. "
Siddhartha inquired from Geeta about her family. Then Siddhartha began to speak to the parents of Ruchi.
After a while, the bus arrived and they boarded the bus. When the bus moved Siddhartha bade them farewell by waving his hands. Ruchi and Geeta waved their hands in return. Soon the bus left Siddhartha far behind, then he disappeared from their sight. 
Geeta could never know how and why by this brief meeting Siddhartha occupied her heart and day and night, she was thinking and dreaming about him. She had fallen in love at first sight with him. However, she never told her feelings to anybody. Not even to Ruchi.

Geeta’s family had five members – Geeta, her parents, a sister and a brother. Her father Sher Singh was a government contractor and mother was a homemaker. Her younger sister Lovely was studying in the tenth and youngest brother Shyam in the eighth standard. That year Geeta had passed class XII and enrolled for B.A. in a Women’s Degree College. Sher Singh did not like coeducation so he admitted Geeta to the Women's College.
She remembered that in her childhood, her father doted on her very much, but as she grew, her father’s behaviour changed and gradually he became quite strict. She did not understand the reason, but she was very much afraid of him. Particularly if he found her talking to a boy, he became indignant. She had played with the neighbourhood children, including boys until a few years ago. Now her father did not like her to talk to the same people. 
One day when Geeta was standing at the door and watching kids play Rakesh her childhood friend happened to pass by. He smiled at Geeta. Geeta smiled in return as a courtesy as he was an acquaintance. At that moment, Sher Singh appeared there and noticed this. He went inside and shouted at his wife for not keeping a proper watch on the children. Geeta was too afraid to face her father. She went to her room and cried in solitude.
Sometimes her mother consoled her by saying, "Don’t take dad’s word to your heart. He cares for you.”
Geeta was fond of art. She sometimes used to make paintings and sketches in her leisure. She was skilled at this task. One day she took a blank paper and drew a pencil sketch of Siddhartha by imagination. By doing so, she found inner happiness. After viewing it for some time, she kept it in the bottom of her box.
Now every night before going to bed, she used to look at the figure of Siddhartha. Sometimes he appeared in her dreams.
Dad was getting stricter with time imposing more and more discipline.
Dad had given her a mobile phone to use it to be in touch with him or the mother when she would go anywhere. He took it back saying that she need not go out anywhere alone except college. The younger brother could accompany her everywhere else. If the children asked for a computer and the Internet, they were scolded and silenced. According to Sher Singh, all these things were unnecessary and detrimental for the children.
One day, Geeta’s mother said to Sher Singh, "You are being unnecessarily strict with the children.”
"Hey, don’t you see every day on TV how bad things are happening in the society nowadays?” Sher Singh said.
"But we can’t keep the children in captivity."
"What do you want?”
"Children should be given a little freedom."
"What freedom? To be spoilt? And then I also have the responsibility for their safety."
"Aren’t you punishing my children for the mistake committed by your sister?” Geeta's mother put a straight question hitting at his weakest nerve.
"Keep quiet. They are my children also,” Sher Singh said, almost shouting.
Then he got up and went out on the road outside. He wanted to keep his anger under control.
That night, in the privacy of her room Geeta, took out the picture of Siddhartha. She was feeling too depressed, distressed and lonely. She tore off a blank paper from a notebook and penned a letter addressed to Siddhartha. In this letter, she poured her suffocation and anguish. She felt very good after writing, but then she grew anxious that someone might look at that letter. She cut each word of the letter with a pen in such a way that it could not be read at all. After this, she tore it into pieces and threw it out of the window.
After that, whenever she was sad or upset for some reason she wrote a letter to Siddhartha. She wrote the letter in pencil, read and erase it with a rubber.
For Geeta, Siddhartha was like a moon, who soothed her with her cool rays, but it was also too far from her. One day when she went to meet Ruchi, she casually told her that Siddhartha had gone to Allahabad University to study for an MA. 
"This is great news," said Geeta with delight.
Days, months and years rolled on by and Geeta continued to write letters to Siddhartha her dream prince. She was afraid to even to imagine it any further. Her upbringing had been in such an environment that many fears were deeply rooted in her heart. She vaguely knew the case of Sudha Aunty, her father’s younger sister. Sudha Aunty fell in love with a young man in her neighbourhood. They both wanted to marry. Grandpa and Dad together had locked in a room for about six months. One day she was found hanging from the ceiling fan in the same room.
Because of this background, Geeta always forcefully tried to keep in check the impulses and emotions naturally occurring at her age but it was not an easy thing to do. They manage to find expression through some or the other way. Geeta could not stop her heart from falling for Siddhartha and writing letters was a way of expression of the Geeta. However, these were not to be posted. She continued to write and erase letters to Siddhartha on a blank paper.
Now she was in the final year of her B.A. The final exams were approaching. One day when she was busy with her studies, her mother came to her and said, “Geeta, get ready, some guests are coming."
Geeta said, "Mom, you please take care of the guests, I have to study."
Then her father’s voice came from the drawing-room, "Hey, tell her, the guests are coming to meet her only and ask her to wear a sari."
This shocked Geeta. "Mother, a guy's coming to see me?"
"Yes, suddenly we got a nice proposal for your marriage. They are nice people. The boy is also very good," said the mother.

"So suddenly? I was not even told!" Geeta said in a disapproving way. She also wanted to say that she was not ready to marry but she could not do so.
"The marriage will happen only after your examination," her mother consoled.
In the evening, a young man, his parents and a sister came. They were from Agra. The prospective groom asked Geeta about her academic credentials and hobbies. His name was Rakesh and he ran a restaurant. Everybody was okay with the proposal, but Geeta searched for Siddhartha in the personality of that young man but could not find him...
He took a liking to Geeta and after discussing with his family members immediately gave his consent to marry her. Sher Singh was happy with the outcome of the meeting. He immediately sent for his neighbourhood priest and fixed the wedding date after three weeks. The date was June 15, three days after Geeta’s college examinations.
The household was full of jubilation. Sher Singh was very happy and Geeta’s siblings were overjoyed. Her mother was also happy but she was worried too as she noticed sadness in Geeta’s eyes. She felt that they ought to have asked Geeta before fixing the wedding. However, she knew her husband’s nature well. 

That night, Geeta wrote a new letter to Siddhartha and kept the letter in an envelope.
In the morning after breakfast, she got ready and said to her mother, "I am going to meet Ruchi. I have some work."
"Well, come quickly."
"Yes Mom." She came out saying.
Ruchi was surprised to see Geeta at that time. Her usual escort, her younger brother, was also not with her.
"Oh wow, this early in the morning?"
She welcomed Geeta into her drawing room. She felt Geeta was somewhat tensed.
"What's the matter, Geeta?"
"Ruchi, my marriage has been fixed.”
"Suddenly and so quickly, when and with whom?" Ruchi asked animatedly.
"The family is from Agra, the guy runs a restaurant."
"Congratulations! Will you take the exam? Or is it not needed anymore?" said Ruchi in jest.

"The marriage is after the exam." Geeta said with a smile.
The Geeta changed the subject.
"Please give me Siddhartha’s address."
"Why? Have you started sending invitation cards?"
"The invitation cards are not yet printed but I will have to send him one, later."
Ruchi wrote the address on a piece of paper and gave it to her.
Geeta took leave of Ruchi and went to a post office. She had carried the letter, which she had written to Siddhartha the previous night. She dispatched that letter by speed post and returned to her house.
Now she waited for the daily mail. She imagined that Siddhartha would come and coax her father and her father would agree to marry her off with Siddhartha. Sometimes she imagined eloping with Siddhartha but her own values would not allow her to do so even given the chance.
Her family members were busy with the wedding preparations. Finally, she finished her exam and the wedding day arrived. The house was crowded with relatives and friends. She hopelessly waited for Siddhartha, who never came and her marriage ceremony was over. She accepted it as her destiny and came to her in-law’s place at Bhopal.
Meanwhile, in a hostel of Allahabad Siddhartha sat bewildered with a letter in hand. He remembered Geeta but could not understand why she wrote that letter to him.
He went through the letter again:
 

Siddhartha,
My father has arranged my marriage. It will be on June 15. I cannot understand what to do.
Yours
Geeta
 

Siddhartha did not understand what he ought to do. However, he called Ruchi over the phone, "How is your friend Geeta?"
"She is fine and is going to marry on 15th June."
"Any other special matter?"

“No, how are you?"
"I am fine. OK bye,” He hung up.
 

After this, he did not analyze the letter any further.
Now Geeta has been married for fifteen years. She is the mother of a 13-year-old daughter, Geetika. She does not have any significant complaints from her life. Her husband is also a nice man.
She sometimes thinks her parents were probably not wrong. Their thinking and behaviour at that time were products of their family and social environment. However she will put in every effort to understand the feelings of her daughter and make sure she does not live a suppressed life like Geeta’s past.
How much time was lost in thoughts she was not aware. Then the doorbell rang and broke her chain of thoughts.
 Geeta opened the doorway and found Geetika standing there smiling.

"Mommy school was off early today."
Geeta took her school bag off her back and led her inside saying, “Every day is a fun day for you eh?”
Geetika giggled. That moment Geeta saw her childhood in Geetika and she felt happy and content.