If you are close to a growing child 8 to 15 years in age, you would perhaps be accustomed to certain disturbing behavioral patterns. Long spells of silence, ignoring the presence of close family members, bursts of anger for no apparent reason, lame excuses behind failed commitments and duties, denial of shortcomings, lying, bullying the weak, lack of manners, overindulgence, manipulating elders against each-other, poor etiquettes, etc., are the hallmark of many pre- and early-teen children, says my firsthand experience.

I don’t blame the kids entirely. I have seen many such children shedding their negative traits and growing into excellent individuals. Secondly, several adolescents are permitted negative conduct by their parents in the hope that their unrestrained children would accomplish everything that they have failed to achieve. They force the reluctant child to play lawn tennis and football, excel in gymnastics, be an excellent swimmer, hold a karate belt, sketch and paint like a professional artist, sing and dance in myriad styles, and, of course, do well in studies. Having overburdened the child, they secretly admit the fact, shower the kid with gifts, and cover up all wrongdoings as natural. Often, instead of becoming a strength, the child turns out to be their weakness. The fall from pride to embarrassment is too obscure to be experienced.

A much talked about Netflix serial, Adolescence, shakes audience to the core by revealing a 13-years-old boy, Jamie, as a murderer. The innocent-looking boy has a loving family. His father, Eddie Miller, doesn’t believe in beating children, having been subjected to severe thrashings by his father in the childhood. Eddie, a plumber, ensures that Jamie has expensive shoes, track suits, computer, and everything else that a child of his age requires. Mother Manda and sister Lisa complete his small and beautiful family.

While Eddie accepts Jamie’s reluctance to play football or other sports, Manda doesn’t object when the class 8 student frequently remains awake till the morning, doing something on his computer. Their world comes crashing down when police raid their house one morning and arrest Jamie for the murder of a classmate.

Hours stretch into days and days into months, and Jamie finally decides to own up responsibility for the murder. It transpires that the baby-faced Jamie was bullied in the school and over the social media. He desired the company of girls but didn’t have a friend from the opposite sex in a school where girls shared intimate pictures with boys. Jamie was labelled as an ‘incel’. To be fair, Lisa has a close friend, a boy. When Manda wants to know something about the relationship, her daughter cuts the conversation short with a “none of your business” remark.

I will not be a spoilsport by revealing more details about the circumstances that lead to the murder, but let me add that the serial is based on a real-life incident.

What is making the children go so astray that they kill on impulse? The social media, the government, the society, the education system, the parents, or someone else? The desire to be affluent and lead a life of luxury, the lack of concentration, the inability to think judiciously, the impatience—what is the source of these?

Doesn’t the old saying, “it takes a village to raise a child,” hold merit? Not only the emotional shock absorber and relief valves provided through the presence of grandparents and other relatives are vanishing, the token presence of the parents for a limited period is adding on to improper upbringing. Children openly equate love with the price of the gift, and don’t mind ridiculing the poor.

Allow me to quote from Gita (chapter 2, shlokas 62 and 63):

ध्यायतो विषयान्पुंस: सङ्गस्तेषुपजायते |
सङ्गत्सञ्जायते कामः कामात्क्रोधोऽभिजायते ||

क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोह: सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रम: |
स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यति ||

It doesn’t matter whether one is really affluent and leads a luxurious life. Even thinking about these generates desire, which leads to anger, then to loss of wisdom, and finally, to human degradation. In Jamie’s case, it was the desire for positive self-image that let him down. You will have several examples where the desire for lifestyle, wealth, fame, recognition, etc., ended with tragic results.

Lord Krishna says (Gita chapter 3, shloka 21):

यद्यदाचरति श्रेष्ठस्तत्तदेवेतरो जन: |
स यत्प्रमाणं कुरुते लोकस्तदनुवर्तते ||

People try to imitate the actions of their ideals. These ideals can be parents, relatives, teachers, classmates, or social media personalities. You know what I mean.

I am not proving a readymade answer. If you have read thus far, I thank you and urge you to think. It’s a question of saving your future.