Walking on eggshells—that is how I would describe how I tread the parenting highway in the past six months. I was dealing with an unknown virus as well as an unknown avatar of my daughter (let’s call her Ms A), neither of which I was prepared the least for. There are innumerable guides available on the challenges of parenting. Plus, there are parents and in-laws there to guide you from experience. But how to deal with the angst of a not-so-ordinary preteen during a global pandemic? Have you read a book on that? Yeah, me neither!
Things were pretty manageable in the beginning. As the first lockdown happened, Ms A was thrilled. She had just completed her Grade-7 final exams and the sheer novelty of being locked up at home with no school, or tuitions, or visitors, strangely excited her. You see, Ms A is not a very outgoing person; she ‘hates interacting with people’ by her own admission. Also, the fact that Mommy was cooking all her meals after years added that extra zing. We created a list of chores and she willingly accepted the duty of dusting and sweeping twice a week. I agreed to handle everything else. Things went on smoothly for about a couple of weeks before I started observing a total lack of interest in Ms A to do anything. By anything, I mean ‘anything’. She wouldn’t even want to bathe or comb her hair.
All sense of timing and routine went for a toss. She would sleep till noon and then play video games till well past midnight. She suddenly became irritable and would snap at the slightest suggestion to do anything apart from playing online. If I would seek her help with the chores, she would tell me: ‘Just ignore the dust or take out the other set of plates.’
Oh, did I say that I have a full-time job and am also a single parent? Now, imagine the pressure on me. I started snapping at her as well. We had constant fights, my health started deteriorating and both of us needed a break from each other. But where does one go during a pandemic? I reached out to my close friends who were parents themselves and found out that my situation was not unique. This unprecedented, forced lockdown where there was no foreseeable end date, made most children behave errantly. As the initial fun moments of cooking lockdown fad dishes and binging on Netflix wore down, reality hit hard. We all felt claustrophobic.
The ghost of the post-examination fun outings and activities that Ms A had planned from much earlier came to haunt her. Tempers were on the boil, there were emotional outbursts and irrational behaviour. She started listening to EMO songs (which I find depressing); would stare at the ceiling for hours and suddenly start crying. I was at my wit’s end—how do I deal with this completely new situation?
Then another cannonball was thrown at us—ONLINE classes! As if my daughter was not stuck to her gadgets enough, now she literally had a legitimate reason to do so. Overnight she was expected to become a pro at grasping online lessons, make PowerPoint presentations for her projects, give online examinations with the ever-looming fear of the network connection snapping. Study materials were e-mailed and subject-wise WhatsApp groups were created.
Hours in front of the computer made Ms A’s eyes dry and she would constantly rub them. The sudden onslaught of online academic activities took some time to get used to. However, children learn and adapt very quickly. But even though she started interacting with her classmates online, the inherent emptiness remained. She missed meeting her friends in person, sharing her lunchbox with her best buddy, meeting her grandparents and her favourite cousin. And mostly, she missed her weekend mall outings with me. Also, the travel restrictions meant that she couldn’t expect her father to visit her anytime soon either.
Smaller kids missed the playground and older ones missed ‘hanging out’ with their buddies. There was also a strange peer pressure—whose laptop was better and who had the latest smartphone. Kids started discussing their gadgets and it definitely affected friendships.
I realised that this whole new game needed novel rules to ace in. I started having regular conversations with Ms A, more like a friend. I asked her about her thoughts, feelings and insecurities. I told her about some of mine. I told her how grateful I was to still have a job in these uncertain times. We needed to make the most of available options. Wastage was out of question.
I started getting more involved with her lessons and helped her with some computer hacks. I started working in her room so that there was no sense of abandonment for long hours. Also, I understood the power of reaffirmation of love. I hug and cuddle my daughter every single day as many times as I can. And that does a world of good to both of us.
Was everything all right after a few weeks? No. We still have emotional and angry outbursts, mainly over gadget addiction and lack of time management. And then the entire rigmarole of who is at fault starts. That is when I realised I needed to seek help from fellow parents who have more experience than me.
Better Parenting for the Children of Tomorrow is a book for parents by parents. Nine authors, an editor and a publisher—parents all—bring you a book which deals with real issues parents are facing during this pandemic. Issues like anger and tantrums; dealing with social media and gadget addiction; loneliness; uncertainty are deftly dealt with. Practical notes on inculcating the skills of time management; the feelings of empathy and gratitude and managing with less during the hard times are also given. And the best part is that none of it feels pedantic or didactic. We are all parents who have learnt these lessons ‘on the job’. Problems plaguing kids across ages are discussed and doable solutions provided.
As Ernest Hemingway said, ‘The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places’ (A Farewell to Arms), this too shall pass and when it does, we will all evolve as better parents and better human beings. Till then, let us keep our hopes up and tempers down. Happy Reading and Happy Parenting!
The book is available on Kindle. Click here to buy it.
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