Unloved In Love: The Story of Imperfect People

1

Ma always said the chances of me being born were as impossible as pigs flying. I was a result of a rare drunken madness, a broken condom, and a botched-up abortion. The Sens were leading a perfect life, married for twelve years with two ‘winning every accolade in the book’ perfect children, staying in a perfect home right in the heart of Malleswaram, Bangalore.

She was a senior teacher in one of the famous senior secondary girl's school on a fast track to be the Principal—she was a terror, a force to reckon with. Getting pregnant at forty-one was not on her agenda and it definitely didn’t fit her reputation. If pregnancy at such a late age was not embarrassment enough, she was stuck with me—a black spot in the tapestry of her perfect family. For neither was she called to school for me winning any academic merits like Palash (my nine years older, know-it-all brother) nor for me winning every sporting event or pageant on the earth like Pia (my eleven years older, gorgeous albeit obnoxious sister). Rather, she was called once weekly to the office of her replacement for her views on disciplinary action against me.

Be it writing ‘monsters’ with permanent marker on the staff room mirror, or bursting crackers in the hallway leading to the school assembly, there was no prank too small. The more Ma tried to tone me down and conform me to her set views, the better gags elicited out of me. There was nothing in the world I loved more than shaking her up and her visions of a perfect life. As her distress with me grew, parenting me fell on my poor father’s shoulders. Baba did his best given he worked for the CBI and was rarely home during my waking hours.

Before I hit adolescence, I’d been rusticated from one school and served two disciplinary suspensions in the other, was notorious in the neighbourhood as the company to avoid. In the Bong community where Ma had ruled the roost and looked down on others condescendingly, the ‘Pujo’ gossip had me as the centre star for years. By the time college rolled in, I was cruising rock bottom in expectations. Nothing was asked of me really, except that I somehow graduate and stay out of trouble. Therefore, imagine the shock my family got when I not only graduated with top scores but followed it through with an admission into a reputed MBA college. Defying Ma again, because by then she just wanted to fulfil her last duty as a parent and offload me to the first man who’d be ready to marry me. Yet, somehow, I persisted and here I was, Kiara Sen, twenty-two years old, standing in my dorm room, in the last semester of MBA final year, about to embark on a path I rebelliously defined for myself.

Bryan Adams’s ‘Here I am’ was blaring in the background as my fingers flew over the keyboard of my laptop. Editing, tweaking, and re-writing my already made presentation for the most important event in my life. Truth be told it was ready since last night, but every time I tried to shut my laptop I was hit by a new idea or a wild fear that the file might just vanish. I still needed to get ready, feed my growling stomach, and make my way to the registration building for the big ‘Budding Entrepreneur’ conference.

The computer screen lit up with bright and jazzy ‘Bottomsup’—the name for my venture—together with logo which we designed. The tagline ‘Changing the world of eco diapers' floated in after a pause. A lump formed in my throat; our college was hosting this event for three years now. It worked as a platform for students who were starting-up, to meet and learn from the experience of existing entrepreneurs. It was a big affair and pupils from the entire southern region of India flooded the campus. This year the stakes were even higher, the Dean of the college had promised initial funding for the best business idea. Which meant, if we could break through this, it was possible for Bottomsup to be up and running by end of next year!  

For the first instance in a really long time, things were looking up. All I needed to do was stick to the plan and not mess up, and then I’d be free and finally in total control of my destiny. 

Right on cue, my phone rang and ‘Baba' flashed on the screen.

‘Hello!’

‘Big day, Babli! Are you all set?' Baba said, excitedly using my nickname.

‘Yes, Baba.’

Before I could say anything further, I heard a shuffling sound and Ma screamed into the phone. ‘When will you quit wasting time? Baba said you are not sitting for placements?’

‘Ma! We went over this a thousand times!’

‘I won't have to repeat if you listen! When would you stop troubling us and do as told? You’re throwing away your education on being a shopkeeper? Look at Pia and Palash, they are so successful in their jobs. What about your future? How in the world will we ever get you married? As it is your reputation precedes you and you’re not exactly an epitome of beauty!’

‘Ma! Marriage is not everything.’

‘Look at Bulti Mashi, what is in her life?’

I imagined her shuddering and rolling her eyes, which was typical when she talked about her younger sister. ‘She is a famous painter, whose exhibitions are held in Milan!’

‘Yeah, which she goes to alone! Like her, you too would be left alone roaming about like a mad woman.’

‘I’d take that any day than screaming at my children like a mad woman! And for God’s sake, quit ambushing me like this.’ I threw the phone down and fought the futile battle of controlling my tears.

‘Coco! Coco!’

Persistent banging on my door pulled me out of my misery, I hastily wiped my tears and opened the door. It had to be Saloni, my best friend. Saloni and I had been together ever since we were barely out of diapers. On the first day of kindergarten, running away from my teacher’s wrath, I had crashed into her and broken her tiny arm. Despite that, we formed an unbreakable bond. At 5’11”, Saloni was blessed with sharp features, and years of badminton had toned her body and polished her already glowing skin. I, on the other hand, was 5’6”, considered getting out of bed as exercise enough, was as dark as the night and round as the moon gracing it. Regardless of our differences, we were inseparable, she was more of a sibling to me than my own. It was her, whose shoulders I cried on when Ma’s taunts became too much to handle, her house I turned to on lonely nights when Pia and Palash were away at university, her comfort I sought when they failed to understand why the mother who was a hero in their lives was almost akin to a villain in mine.   

‘Hey, Sexy!’ I hurriedly wiped my tears.

Saloni was wearing a navy-blue formal skirt which reached just below her knees and showed off her shapely calves. She paired it with a white, linen, button-down shirt and pearl earrings. She was the epitome of a budding entrepreneur ready to take on the world. Whereas I was still in my slacks which had some dried pasta on and a nightshirt which should have been retired eons ago. 

 ‘Let me put on some decent clothes and then let’s go.’ I hurriedly rushed to my cupboard and pulled out a pair of well-worn trousers and shirt.

‘You’re definitely not wearing that!’

‘Argh, I’ve nothing else to wear.’

‘Yes, you have. I ironed your blue, chiffon formal dress yesterday with my clothes.’

‘I’m not wearing that. The material is too thin and flowy,’ I grimaced. Ma had forced it in my suitcase at the beginning of the program. It stayed there till today; I had no idea how Saloni found it.

‘So, don’t stand next to the wind. Now, get ready quickly. It’ll take ages to do your hair.’ She handed me the dress and pushed me towards the common bathroom.

‘Please don’t sound like Mrs Sen. We are not doing any of the fashion nonsense. I am who I am.’ I tied my hair into a bun to emphasise.

‘Looking good never hurt anyone.’ She followed and stood next to the wash area while I went into one of the stalls to change. I grunted trying to fit myself in the dress.

‘So, Mom called?’ Her sharp eyes must have picked traces of tears. ‘Are you doing okay?’

‘Yeah, give me a minute. Why don’t you go and make a copy of the presentation?’ Saloni was to be my partner in the business venture and I was sure it was her involvement which finally convinced Baba to give a go ahead.

 I drew a couple of deep breaths to steady myself. You are fine, Kiara. You don’t need anyone’s approval. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life, I repeated to myself before getting back to my room. Seeing the laptop shut immediately sent me into panic. 

‘Did you save it! What if the numbers are wrong?’

‘Relax, sweets, we’ve checked and double checked everything.’

‘We can’t fail, Sal, this is my ticket out, my only chance to be somebody instead of a nobody. When I’m old and ugly, and surrounded by ten cats, this is what I’ll have to show for my life.’ I choked up before I could continue.

‘Come on, I thought I was your person.’

‘You are! But you will be busy making babies with Vinod.’

‘Halleluiah! The poor jokes are back! For the record, you’ve no idea how pretty you can look if you try! You’re intelligent and witty. For all you know, Kyle Wolf could be falling in love with you by the end of this conference.' Saloni swooned, her movements exaggerated. ‘Though what do you see in that boy is beyond me.’ She asked with disdainful lift of her shoulders before brandishing my comb.

 ‘And pigs will fly!’ I wistfully sighed as I sat down for her to tame my mane of hair. Kyle had joined our batch as an exchange student from London six weeks ago, and was in my ‘Starting up and Entrepreneurship’ class. He had a head full of messy, silky, brown hair and the most curious eyes, which moved between grey and blue depending on his mood or the light reflecting in them. His lips were akin to Cupid’s bow and cheekbones sculpted like a Greek god’s. The way his arms flexed when he raised his hand to ask a question was… I sighed again. His maker had definitely spent a lot of time, love, and attention on him. How did I know all this? Because I spent a large chunk of time staring at him like a creepy stalker. Thankfully, I was not the only one, all the girls did, and sometimes I felt Kyle enjoyed the attention. 

‘You are in lurveeeee,’ Saloni said, mischievously adding kajal to my eyes.

‘You are out of your mind! And did I not say no kajal!’

‘It makes your eyes look bigger.’

‘More like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.’

‘My precious!’ Saloni mimicked the character.

Rolling my eyes at her antics, I picked up my laptop and stepped into the hostel corridor. My heart continued to hammer, threatening to do irreversible damage to my rib cage, and I could see sweat spots already blooming around my armpits.

‘Nervous or extremely nervous?’ Vinod asked joining us.

‘Hysterical.’ I burst into giggles.

Get a grip, Kiara, you need to appear calm, composed and all sorted, not like a headless chicken with ruffled feathers.

‘Don’t worry, you guys will rock.’ He wrapped me up in a bear hug.

‘I’m so nervous, Vinod,’ I said.

Saloni just rolled her eyes and quickly kissed him before we walked out in the open. It was love over badminton for both of them, they had met while enrolling into the campus league games the first week and by the third game Vinod had lost more than a few points. And the best thing? He didn’t make Saloni choose between us, he adopted me instead.

He was also the finance guru of our batch and had personally helped us work the financials. With him by our side, we definitely were prepared to take on the world and a bunch of venture capitalists. 

We made our way to the campus quadrangle, the smell of wet earth assailing our noses. Usually, I loved the rains, it made everything clean and fresh, almost giving a new shine to the mountains, but today I just wanted to stay focused. My stomach was knotted and breathing seemed difficult. I could hear Saloni and Vinod chattering behind me, while I ran through the slides in my head, resisting the urge to flight.

To divert myself I glanced around at the other students walking next to us, faces flushed with emotions, looking straight ahead like soldiers marching towards the war that would either liberate or doom. Too wrought for words, we silently acknowledged each other, showing support and gauging competition with that one glance.

‘Kiara, sweetheart, hold up! I needed a favour.’ A baritone sprouting thick British accent stopped me in my tracks.

‘Kyle?’ I stopped breathing for a minute. Kyle Wolf was talking to me? Did he just call me a sweetheart?

‘Yup, hi!’

‘Yeah, sure, tell me.’ I stuttered, right on cue a large drop of sweat trickled down my forehead.

‘Since you are overseeing the agenda, could you reschedule my presentation to tomorrow? I’ve got an economics exam day after.’

‘Oh! Will do.’ My hungry stomach rumbled. Oh God, hope he didn’t hear that!

‘Okay.’ His lips twitched.

Damn, he totally did!

Resisting the urge to stare at the perfect plains of his face, I forced myself to move away, afraid that he could see right through me to my pathetic crush. Distracted, I bumped into a guy standing in the doorway and slipped, landing on my bottom in a puddle of water. Heat rushed to my face and my cheeks turned red with embarrassment. Loud squeals of laughter echoed through the corridor; mortified tears welled up in my eyes. Taking deep breaths, I got to my feet. We had to register and we were already late. ‘Today is the beginning of the rest of my life,’ I mumbled again.

‘What was that?’ A soft voice whispered very close to my ears.

Startled, I gazed up and into the most gorgeous brown eyes. Accompanying the eyes was an unconventional face with angular features and a strong jaw. His curly hair was slightly longer and encompassed his face like a scarf. Two scars ran through the right side of his face, giving him a devilish tinge. He smiled flashing his teeth, reminding me of a predator stalking his prey. My breath hitched and the hair on the back of my neck stood up, yet I couldn’t look away from the ridges that drew an intricate pattern on his jaw. Consumed by an almost hypnotical urge to feel the jagged edges beneath my finger, my hand moved on their own accord to his face, my eyes met his stormy ones. Shock flitted through them, before his face broke into a smirk.  

‘Can’t keep your hands off me, Princess?'

Oh my God! What the hell was wrong with me? Embarrassed to a point of no return, I made a run for it, shouting at Saloni to register without me, until I regained my footing and got back for the presentation. 

After sprinting for a few minutes, I stopped outside my dorm with a stitch in my stomach and bent down to help relieve it. My blue dress was almost black with sweat and had large streaks of mud running through it, there were some splashed on my face as well. Obnoxious catcalling and loud giggles assailed my ears, I turned to see the first years pointing at me and laughing hysterically. My white panties were visible through my soaked dress. I glared at the boys, threatening them with dire consequences if they didn’t quit the vicinity.

Fighting hard to control my tears, I drew a deep breath and prepared to run again when my eyes fell on Kyle lounging behind. He handed me his jacket and shouted to the boys, ‘Scoot, all of you!’

Was there no respite today?

I thanked him and he smiled in return. Now this was the face I should be ogling at, flawless without the scars. The way his lips curved; sunlight dancing on his hair. No trace of sweat anywhere even in these humid conditions. He was the perfect human form.

‘Hey Kiara, do you want to go to the Accident & Emergency or whatever they call it here?’ His voice pulled me out of daydreaming.

‘Sorry, why?’

‘Well, I’ve been trying to talk to you for the last five minutes and I don’t think you’ve heard a single thing I said. Are you okay? Did that fall earlier hurt your head? Do you want to go to the doctor?’

Blood warmed my face the second time in a span of half an hour. I must’ve hit my head else why would I behave so uncharacteristically? I ticked off inwardly. Fall on your ass—check, caress a random stranger—check, show your choice of underwear to the entire college—check, and prove to your latest crush that you’re not only clumsy but dumb too— hell, check!

‘Sorry Kyle, I’m having a rough day. I think I’ll just go back to the dorm to lick my wounds. Thanks a ton for helping me. Wait, how did you know where to find me?’

 Kyle started to laugh as I gaped, watching those pretty eyes turn to sparkle laughing blue.

‘Elementary! My dear!’ He put a pretend pipe into his mouth and smiled. While I was too busy staring at him to react to his Sherlock Holmes cue, he sobered up and said, ‘I followed you, just to make sure you were okay. Sorry for distracting you back there.’

His voice was gentle and soothing. The stress of the presentation and the events of the morning overwhelmed me and before I could rationalise, something inside me snapped and I burst into tears. Kyle’s features immediately registered shock.

‘Kiara, are you alright? Shall we go to the doctor?’ 

Great, now he must think I’m mad as a hatter. I shook my head, trying hard to control the tears and bade him a hasty goodbye. 

‘Hope you’ve a better day!’

His voice floated through before he walked away puzzled. I turned to see his retreating form, tears streaming down my face. Never in my wildest dreams I’d imagined I’d get to speak to Kyle, and I’ve managed to convince him that I’m certifiably nuts. Maybe, it’s for the better, Kiara! Now focus on the presentation. He’s way out of your league. If you slipping and falling caused so much drama, imagine the fodder you will provide if anyone ever gets to know about your pathetic crush.

I shuddered and flipped through the cupboard to find another set of clothes. I needed to rush back to the building; with everything that happened, I didn’t want being late to be a reason to not get my funding.

*****

‘You still haven’t returned his jacket?’ Saloni barged in, one eyebrow raised, hands stuffed into her pockets.

‘I’ve been busy.’ I buried my face into the jacket which had been my forever companion for the last three days. ‘It smells of him.’ I gave it a good sniff like a faithful dog.

‘Eew! It smells of French fries and you.’ Saloni wrinkled her delicate nose.

That was probably true, but I could still smell the faint lingering of his aftershave.

‘Kiara, you do know what you’re getting into, right?’ Saloni asked.

‘What would that be?’

‘You guys belong to two different worlds.’

’Oh, come on, Sal! He was just being chivalrous and it’s not like I’m planning on marrying him and having his babies!’

‘But you want to, I’ve seen the way you get tongue-tied around him.'  

‘I get tongue-tied around most boys. Look, I know he’d never be interested in me, okay? And if I forget Mrs Sen doesn’t fail to remind me.’

Saloni grabbed my arm and gave it a twist

          ‘Ow! What was that for?’

‘Stop with this nonsense, anyone can fall head over heels with you.’ 

‘Ha! Have you seen me? People run on their heels when they see me, not fall over their heads!’

Saloni moved to grab my hand again, I saved myself and ran down the stairs. For a skinny, slender thing, her grip was like a vice. My thoughts went back to Kyle, he was kind, he even sought me out after my business plan presentation and congratulated me.

‘That was pretty impressive.’

‘Thank you,’ I had mumbled looking down at my feet, too embarrassed to meet his eyes.

‘Would you have time to look at mine?’

‘Shoes?’ 

His laughter had rung through the room, reminding me of church bells.

‘Duh, my presentation. Prof. has asked it to be reworked.’

‘Uh, sure.’

‘Cool, give me your phone and I’ll enter my number. Call me when you’ve some time.’

Thankfully, Saloni was next to me because I was too stunned to do anything coherent.

Though I knew it was strictly for the assignment, that didn't change the fact that for a change I possessed something which the entire batch would kill for—Kyle Wolf's phone number.

Sometimes hidden beneath the layers of self-doubt, my mind spun a fairy tale where Kyle would be my prince charming coming to rescue me. I tried to picture Kyle riding on a white horse, and unabated the soft brown eyes and devilish scars floated into the picture. I shook my head, clearly, I was absolutely stressed about Bottomsup and its feasibility. How else would I explain these random thoughts?  

I turned the corner towards the laundromat and ran straight into the very eyes and the body accompanying them which threatened to ruin my perfect Kyle fantasy. Annoyed at the mere existence of him, I wondered if it was too late to duck into the nearby bushes.

‘Princess!’ he flashed a lopsided grin drawing my attention to his scars. What was about them that besotted me?

‘Here, you dropped it earlier,’ he said, handing me Kyle’s coat back. And then he lifted a strand of my hair and pushed it behind my right ear. The gesture so intimate, snapped me out of my funk, back to his infuriating presence.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ I shouted, barely containing my temper.

‘If you’re going to stare at me like a food-deprived animal then you might as well have a clear view.’

‘You! Don’t touch me like that!’

‘Then don’t look at me like that!’

Unable to think of a smart response, ashamed of myself I ducked and ran.

‘Hey! Wait!’

I paused for a moment.

‘Keep your eyes wide open.’ He winked at me and then left. 

The audacious prick! Fuming, I opened the door to the laundromat. Confused about my reactions to him, I was beginning to wonder if I might need that trip to Accident & Emergency after all!

The receptionist held his hand out for the jacket, I gripped on to it tightly for a moment, trying to hold on to the smell and my fairy tale. Then I drew a deep breath and let him bag it away. The sooner this thing was out of my hands, the quicker I could get back to my life.

‘What is the room number?’ The receptionist asked. I hurriedly dialled Vinod while the receptionist processed the payment. 

‘Hey, do you know Kyle’s room number?’ I asked. The door to the dry cleaners jingled and I turned.

‘It’s 2203,’ Kyle said stepping into the store.

I hurriedly disconnected my call promising Vinod to call back and took a deep breath. His voice was molten butter on top of fresh toast! Struggling to get my devious thoughts under control, I turned. Out of my league, way out of my league. I gave what I hoped was a nonchalant smile in greeting. He returned it with a warm one of his own and my heart melted into a puddle.

‘I was running and saw you step into the store. I thought I’d stop by and say hello. You were looking for me?’

‘Actually yes, I’m sorry about not returning your jacket till now. I’ve given it for dry cleaning. They’ll deliver it to your dorm room by tomorrow. Thank you again for saving me that day, and apologies again for the delay.’

I handed him the receipt and walked out. Atta girl! That was the longest I had spoken without fumbling in front of him.

‘Kiara, wait!’ Kyle hurried out and grabbed my hand.

‘Excuse me?’ I snapped, desperately trying to hide the heat that was rapidly spreading through my neck and cheek. What was with boys and their inappropriate gestures today? Though this one I honestly didn’t mind.

He smiled sheepishly letting my hand go, the lack of light made his eyes a troubled shade of grey. ‘You didn’t need to get it dry cleaned.’ He ran his hands through his hair, my eyes followed his every move.

‘I absolutely needed to, it had snot and tears of my embarrassment all over.' I tried to lighten the situation.

‘At least let me pay for the dry cleaning, Kiara.’ He insisted.

‘Of course not, you’ve already helped me out with your jacket. I owe you this.’ I got the words out somehow battling hysteria rising in me. Hold on a few more minutes, Kiara!

‘Kiara! You wouldn’t have fallen if I hadn’t interrupted you, so let me pay!’

I shook my head and tried to walk away, but he blocked my path.

‘Kiara, please!’ the warm eyes begged.

‘How about you buy me coffee instead?’ A voice sounded, it took me few seconds to realise that it was mine. My hands flew to my mouth.

‘Are you asking me on a date?’ Piercing grey eyes bore into mine.

My expression must have matched a deer caught in a headlight. What the hell did I do? How desperate must I seem to him? I waited for him to make a polite excuse to back out, instead, he burst into peals of laughter.

‘Look at your face!’ He doubled up and wiped tears off his eyes.

I could only stare at him, even his laughter was perfect.

‘Deal! Tomorrow 11 am at Barista.’

 He thrust one hand in front of my face to shake on. I nodded mechanically, too stunned to speak. I couldn’t believe he said that. I’m having coffee with Kyle? It was surreal, like a dream sequence in a Bollywood movie.

‘Can’t wait! Don’t be late,’ Kyle shouted in a sing-song way walking a couple of steps backward and then continuing on his run.

I stayed rooted to the spot. Oh, dumb girl! What did you get yourself into? You don't even like coffee!