Change Of Heart:

“I wish this heart would stop beating!” I keep repeating to myself. My eyes shed tears repeatedly, if only they could flood this pain away. Every breath I take, is a painful remainder of my being alive. Memories storm me, shake me to the core.......

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The phone rang. It was Mai. “Hello Ratna, How are you?" "Terrible Mai. I haven't had any luck with the maid at all. The only available maids seem to be all these Bangladeshi Muslims”. “Then why don’t you employ one?” said Mai. “What a preposterous idea Mai! How can I cook and eat in the vessels washed by those Ms?”. “Ratna it is incorrect for an educated lady to talk so illogically. It doesn’t behove of you.” “Mai you know me. What is the point of talking about it, endlessly? Anyways what news of Baba?”

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A few days later Mai called up again,“Ratna what have you been up to? It has been a while since we last talked.” “I’m fine Mai. I had to employ a Bangladeshi maid to do the dishes. I wash them all over again and cook. Some how I am managing.  And …when are you coming to visit us”?

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“Good Morning Memsahib!” wished the guard in our housing complex. “Good morning! I haven’t seen you here before. Are you newly employed?” “Yes Madam I am from 24 parganas, West Bengal.” “What’s your name?” “Babar Khan, Madam”. “Oh” I walked off in a huff.

“Every day, first thing in the morning, as soon as I step out of the house I have to face this Khan fellow. Why can’t they employ someone else?” “Why? What is wrong with him? He is sincere, hardworking, honest, helpful and ever smiling.” The husband replied.”He is an M” I whispered. “Ratna, it's high time you stopped this sort of talk.” “Okay you leave me to my beliefs. One day, you see, they will take over this world.” I thundered and walked out.

“The society has allowed the guard fellow’s family to shift into our society’s servant quarters. Now we will have the courtyard teeming with Ms.” I wailed as my husband pretended to be engrossed in the daily papers.” No point in talking to you”. Muttering thus stepped out for my daily chores. “Good Morning Memsahib” intoned Babar at the gate.” Hmm” I grunted. “Memsahib could you please enroll my children in your charity school? You have helped out so many others.” “We shall see. Can’t promise” I walked off in a huff.

After a sumptuous dinner, husband suggested a stroll outside. Babar Khan was manning the gate. As is usual, he wished us both cheerily. I grunted and moved ahead, while husband chatted him up. After a while, husband joined me and we both wanted to have some ice-cream. Husband asked me to wait , while he walked across the road to get us some. I dithered, in two minds, whether to wait or to follow husband. I decided to cross, bit impulsively. Tyres squealed,  Babar screamed, "Memsahib, MemSahib.." All I saw were bright headlights and then ... darkness........

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“Dad, Mom has woken up” Yash called out. I opened my eyes slowly as my senses adjusted to the hospital room. “What happened?” I asked weakly. “You were hurt very badly in that accident. Babar died trying to save you. We had given up on you. Babar’s family volunteered to donate his heart to you as they felt it was the right thing to do. It was a perfect match. They did not even take a single paisa. They left for their native village after finishing all the formalities....”

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Every day I go down, tens of times hoping to see Babar's family again. I sit at the window straining to hear his and his family’s voices. I clutch my heart hoping that my tears would wash away my follies. If only I could turn the clock back...

Doing as others told me, I was Blind.

Coming when others called me, I was Lost.

Then I left everyone, myself as well.

Then I found Everyone, Myself as well. ~Rumi